Today’s Noisemakers: Ali Baba, Orezi and Donald Trump’s reaction to the Texas shooting

Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

1. Ali Baba

I have cheated. Severally. Please forgive me. I know cheating is wrong. I have been unfaithful. I can not do it anymore. I have to come out clean and get on with life. I am really sorry. Every time I go down this difficult road, I always vow to avoid those things that pile up calories like debts. And I find myself cheating again and again. If it's not gbegiri and ewedu, escorting amala down the canal, its overripe plantain and beans. That overripe plantain is the biggest sin. It just soaks oil and camouflages with the sweetness, while depositing the fat in your waist region. What of meat? And chicken? And dambo nama? Damboroba! I have cheated. How about jollof rice? That one just gets to the stomach, waits for inactivity… then creeps into places where your 6 packs should have been. Kpomor!!!!! I can't say how many times I have cheated with you. Especially the soft ones. Those are the deadliest. Because, the hard unchewable ones can not soak oil and salt. But that soft one. Its osmotic nature attracts all the things you don not want in your blood veins. It helps transport those thing that convert things to cholesterol. No. I have cheated. What of bread? And hot chocolate? Especially oven fresh bread? I have to admit. This can not be counted as a cheat. Man can not live by breast alone. But You must eat bread. I know I have cheated too many times, but hey… I try. I reallllllllllllly really try.

A post shared by Ali Baba (@alibabagcfr) on

Sigh!

Just see line by line explanation.

Ali Baba ehn! Lmao! You cannot but be drawn in.

2. Samuel Ajibola

There are a lot of things I'm good at but there are also a few things that I'm terrible at. One of them is communicating with people on social media & Keeping in touch. I know I score a big F9 there. I can't count how many times I've wished the reverse was the case , but I've come to a point of accepting that I can't be good at everything. I'm only Human and I'm born with Flaws too. But the Best part of it is that I'm not accepting to remain like this forever. I'm working towards it so I can be a better person. I'm even considering a degree in communications someday. I've embraced my Flaws and I'm not ashamed to Speak openly about it. What are your flaws and How are you working towards becoming a better Person? 📷 : @phanthom_media

A post shared by Samuel Ajibola a.k.a SPIFF (@samajibola) on

Hmmm… grab the words: “working towards it so I can be a better person“.

3. Esegine “Orezi” Allen

Run away from a Woman who can’t handle your ambition

A post shared by MR RAGGAMOFIN (@oreziworldwide) on

Run is an understatement. Abeg fly!

4. Favour Onyeoziri

Sorry na.

5. Donald Trump

Following Friday’s school shooting Friday in Santa Fe, Texas, which killed at least eight people, the US President had this to say:

The shooting suspect has been identified as a 17-year-old Dimitrios Pagourtzis.

According to CNN, the incident was the 22nd school shooting in 2018 — a year marked by demands for stricter gun control legislation.

6. Drizzy

This is a typical example of the ‘ridiculous noise’ we are talking about.

7. Elnathan John

Walahi!

Obviously, the passenger in the window seat controls the window armrest and the aisle seat controls the outermost armrest. But the middle armrest – hmm, that’s not an easy one!

And this is where as****** come in.

8. Don Jazzy

Tell them oo!

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cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail