How is the Trump White House (not) celebrating the 4th of July?

The 4th of July every year is known for fireworks and general merriment around the United States. The Independence day of the Land of the Free deserves no less. Not even Donald Trump’s ‘most-hated’ presidency can dampen that but does The Donald know this?

It’s America’s 241st Independence celebration but Donald Trump almost missed being in the White House for the day. He was in New Jersey at his “summer White House” with First Lady, Melania Trump through the 4th of July weekend.

Trump flew out to Bedminster, New Jersey Friday after meeting with Moon Jae-in, the South Korean leader, effectively skipping Washington for his first fourth of July weekend as President.

Today, though, POTUS is back to D.C and of course, #45 already taken to Twitter to celebrate the 4th -MAGA style:

 

Beyond Twitter, Trump will be having a mellow 4th of July today as he and Melania honour military families on the South Lawn with a picnic before watching a fireworks display from the Truman Balcony Tuesday, according to the White House.

If like us, you remember the Obama White House 4th of July Jam (last year featured Janelle Monaé and Kendrick Lamar, there’s no way you don’t remember) then you must already be booing Donald Trump.

We have a quick fix though. We found this version of things as scheduled by The Onion’s way more interesting than what Trump is doing:

  • 8:00 a.m.

White House Staff present the president with a one-page report laying out what the Fourth of July is.

  • 9:00 a.m.

    Military honor guard to fire a volley for each of Trump’s 304 electoral votes.

  • 10:00 a.m.

    Children gather on the South Lawn for the annual White House Roman Candle Hunt.

  • 10:30 a.m.

    President Trump signs the original Declaration of Independence.

  • 11:00 a.m.

    First Lady Melania Trump takes Barron to Six Flags for the day.

  • 12:00 p.m.

    Speech by President Trump honoring veterans and promising to create more of them than any other president in history.

  • 3:30 p.m.Reince Priebus to be fired seconds after taking a huge bite of potato salad.
  • 4:00 p.m.

    Reveal of Ivanka Trump’s all-new American flag, which she designed with working women in mind.

  • 5:00 p.m.

    Email sent out by Sean Spicer letting everyone know that he’s still got plenty of burgers at his backyard barbecue if anyone wants to come by.

  • 8:00 p.m.

    Send Eric Trump to bed with a stomachache after eating too many sparklers.

  • 8:30 p.m.

    Senior economist Greg Leiserson performs beautiful a capella version of “God Bless The USA”.

  • 9:00 p.m.

    Fireworks display will serve as strong show of force toward D.C. suburbs.

 

  • 8:00 a.m.

White House Staff present the president with a one-page report laying out what the Fourth of July is.

  • 9:00 a.m.

    Military honor guard to fire a volley for each of Trump’s 304 electoral votes.

  • 10:00 a.m.

    Children gather on the South Lawn for the annual White House Roman Candle Hunt.

  • 10:30 a.m.

    President Trump signs the original Declaration of Independence.

  • 11:00 a.m.

    First Lady Melania Trump takes Barron to Six Flags for the day.

  • 12:00 p.m.

    Speech by President Trump honoring veterans and promising to create more of them than any other president in history.

  • 3:30 p.m.Reince Priebus to be fired seconds after taking a huge bite of potato salad.
  • 4:00 p.m.

    Reveal of Ivanka Trump’s all-new American flag, which she designed with working women in mind.

  • 5:00 p.m.

    Email sent out by Sean Spicer letting everyone know that he’s still got plenty of burgers at his backyard barbecue if anyone wants to come by.

  • 8:00 p.m.

    Send Eric Trump to bed with a stomachache after eating too many sparklers.

  • 8:30 p.m.

    Senior economist Greg Leiserson performs beautiful a capella version of “God Bless The USA”.

  • 9:00 p.m.

    Fireworks display will serve as strong show of force toward D.C. suburbs.

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