by Vera Ezimora

I have not been to Nigeria in 16 years! Isn’t that insane? I left Nigeria on August 15th 2000, and I have not been back ever since, but that does not stop me from dreaming about Nigeria. That being said, there are some things that I have to do when I’m there. You may consider them to be mundane, but to me, they are extra special.

1. Hot suya and cold Fanta: If you know me a little bit, then this one goes without saying. I used to live in Jos, and the Northerners make the best suya. I don’t know if my suya spot in Jos is still there (Standard), but either way, I want suya. And it has to go down with cold Fanta because that is how I used to eat it back then. I have not had correct suya in 16 years.

2. Roadside roasted corn and ube: This is another one that I have not had in 16 years. Sure, I’ve had roasted corn at cookouts here, but it’s not the same. First of all, the corn is different. Seeing as this is America, it’s probably genetically modified. Secondly, the roasting is different. Maybe the American fire, too, is genetically modified. It’s not original 100% fire. Lastly, I have not seen ube since I got here.
3. Recharge cards: Like I said, I left Nigeria in 2000, and at the time I left, cell phones were not popular. So, in all of my life, I have never seen, touched, or “executed” a recharge card. I don’t know what it means to put credit on your phone. I don’t know where people go to buy these recharge cards (although I’ve seen umbrella stalls selling them on the street in Nigerian movies). But I want to see one myself and “execute” it all by myself.

4. Other foods: There are many other foods I want like nkwobi, isi ewu, kunu, masa, and maybe even fura de nono. I ate nkwobi here about a month ago, and it was disappointing. The taste was nice, but the pieces of meat were so big and bone-filled. I have not seen or tasted kunu since I left Nigeria, and I want masa to go along with my suya! I used to love fura de nono, although I was not allowed to drink it (so I had to sneak to get my fix), and I would love to have some again, but I don’t know if I can still drink it. I’ll definitely leave it on my list though.

5. A Nigerian bank account: I have never had a Nigerian bank account – unless you consider the one my mom used to tell me I had, the one she used to put all my money in, the one I never saw. I have come to terms with the fact that my mommy was lying to me. She spent all the money I made from Christmas and birthdays and told me that it was in my special account. Now I know better. I want my own account. I’ve heard that going to the ATM can be a day’s job, and while I have no intention of personally experiencing this, I would still love to own my own bank account.

6. Meeting my Sweet Potatoes: Do I really need to explain this one? Some of you have been reading for years and giving me life with your comments. It would be an honor to meet you. Maybe we’ll sip kunu together, and when we’re done, we’ll share a group hug – till we meet again!

7. Meeting my blogging friends of before-before: As you know, I’m very nostalgic about my blogging past. I miss the good ol’ days and I miss the bloggers that I started this journey with. Most of them don’t blog anymore, and even when they did, they were anonymous. I stay in touch with a lot of them, but we’ve never met.

8. Meeting some family and friends: I haven’t seen friends like Lilian since I left Nigeria, so I have to see her again. There are also some family members I love and haven’t seen in just as long. Keyword is “some.”

9. Discovering the Mainland and Island: Since I did not live in Lagos, I don’t know the difference between the Mainland and the Island. I mean, I know that the Island is more expensive, but I wouldn’t recognize it if you dropped me in the middle of it. I have to see this Island (and Lagos in general) with my two koro koro eyes.

10. And Shoprite nko? I have to see it. The reason for my curiosity is that people keep talking about it, so I wanna go see it, and it better be as good as the hype you created. I remember years ago, I asked on Twitter what people do for fun in Lagos, and someone said, “Go to Shoprite and pose.” Ha! Perhaps, I need to go there and pose, too. I used to think it was a department store like Macy’s, but the scenes and pictures I have seen of it in Nigerian movies suggests that it’s actually just a grocery store.

11. Running into my BFF, Chimamanda: What are the odds that I will run into Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie? I keep telling you people that she’s my BFF, and I mean it! The thing is that she just doesn’t know it yet, but not to worry, when I run into her, I’ll be sure to let her know. Meanwhile, can someone please epp me to tell her that I want to marry her?

12. Sewing new outfits and not paying $100 each: An average ankara outfit here will cost you about $80 to $100 to sew (not including the fabric). I’m very envious when people tell me how much they paid in Nigeria. Igwe, for example, came back with so many new outfits, and I think he said he paid N10,000 (or was it N15,000), and they were so nice! N10,000 is about $25, and since I don’t have a money printer in my bedroom, I’d prefer to pay the lower price.

13. Drinking the damn Chapman! Walahi, you people are driving me nuts with this Chapman thing. What is it? I know before I left Nigeria in 2000, there was Fanta Chapman. Is that what this is? Or is this an entirely new beverage? Is it a bottled beverage? Is this a virgin beverage or a cocktail with some alcohol? I. Need. To. Know.

That’s it for now, but I’m sure my busy mind will think of more things I want to do in Nigeria.

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Op–ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

Read this article on Vera’s Blog