Much has been said about the spate of domestic violence in the country that one might be inclined to think that adding ones voice could be tantamount to joining the bandwagon.

However, there is an adage in Yoruba “Aisi ni be lai ba won dasi”; which literally translated means ones absence is the only reason not to contribute, so, it will be unwise to play the ostrich in a case as sensitive as domestic violence.

It must be said that it is an open secret that most women and even men experience the evil and for reasons which range from “societal expectations” or better put,” what the society would say” to the spiritual connotations,”divorce is a sin”. Most victims have been kept in a prison wall of unfulfilled marriages and loveless relationships and may remain there until they realize that in cases where fist has replaced kisses and slaps exchange for hugs, then, it will be safe to say, My ‘Brother or Sister’, your Destiny is in your own hands.

The case of the Shondes comes to the fore as it is the most recently publicized, with a lot of arguments and counter arguments.

The accused, Mr Lekan Shonde was said to have denied any wrong doing in the death of his wife, as reported, he said although they had a disagreement as a result of the deceased alleged infidelity and to cut story short, one way or the other, his once “beloved” spouse is dead.

Whether Mr Shonde is guilty or not, I believe will be decided by the court of law. Sadly, the main witness of the case is no more.

Methinks, lessons are what issues like these should teach us and not a time to start throwing ‘stones’, if you are a woman and you sense that living with a man at any point will cause you harm, both physical and psychological, then, my sister, such a time is not when you become sentimental, think with your head not your heart. At such times, the lyrics of one of Asa’s song, ‘there is fire on the mountain, run! run! run!’ should be your guide.

Men! Men! Men!, how many times did I call you? A show of power and strength in my own opinion is if you can control yourself even in the face of extreme provocations, as the major excuse men give when confronted with accusations of wife battering, if not, “she abused me” is “she is having an affair” or “she doesn’t respect me,” these and what ever you may come up with are all nothing but excuses!

Let me put it to you, how many times have you slapped your Female boss when “she abuses you” ? Oh oh! If you can restrain yourself under such circumstances, then, see it as an obligation to not raise your hands against your partner.

Many have opined that parents should not discourage their wards from “coming home” when things start to fall apart, I support this notion to an extent but the danger in that is that many a “spoilt brat” who despite being of “marriageable” age but still unripe and immature for marriage may see it as a carte blanche to stay away from their matrimonial homes citing the flimsiest of excuses and without proper justification.

In all of these, my major concern is what happens to the Shonde Kids, they, probably being the reason why the deceased, Mrs Shonde, stood and withstood the batterings which led to her untimely death, whoever ends up with the custody of these Kids has a huge role to play, at least in ensuring they get the love and care their mum would have wished she gave herself and more importantly, to minimise the effect of the HORROR they experienced in the events leading to the demise of their mother.

As for Mr. Lekan Shonde, let us hope that the law will serve it’s tastiest dish- Justice!

Op-ed written by Malik Opeyemi Joseph ([email protected])