by Lisa Fogarty

There’s no way to avoid that step unless you really are looking to kill your current relationship. When you talk to your significant other, you are showing you respect him/her and want his/her input. You’re also saying, You are important to me and I want to keep trust in our relationship.

1. Examine your motives for wanting to connect with an ex.

What has occurred recently in your relationship that has you seeking out a past boyfriend? Did he piss you off? Are you not being heard? Did he contact his ex? Are you still in love with your ex? Or are you simply really happy and over the past and want the closure you never got? You need to dig deep, write it all down on a piece of paper, and reflect BEFORE making that call.

2. What are you hoping will happen?

Everybody has needs. But what gratification are you looking for here? Maybe you want to hear his voice, or get revenge, or even gloat about your current great relationship. Try to understand what it is that you want to achieve by contacting an ex.

3. Ask yourself how important is it that you get in touch with your ex.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how strong is your “need” to do it? Write down your number and reflect. If you are at an 8 or higher, talk to your partner about what you’re thinking. And speaking of, that brings us to #4, which is …

4. Talk to your partner!

There’s no way to avoid that step unless you really are looking to kill your current relationship. When you talk to your significant other, you are showing you respect him and want his input. You’re also saying, You are important to me and I want to keep trust in our relationship.

5. Don’t expect things between you and your partner not to change in some way.

Telling your husband, fiance, or boyfriend that you want to reconnect with an old flame isn’t going to be easy. Don’t expect that he will be open and supportive. And even if he is, understand that your relationship will be shaken up, so give him some space to process your reasons for wanting to involve your ex in your life.

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