by Adaobi Okwy
Breakups are hard. You discover first hand that most of the cliches from books and well meaning friends and family members don’t work for you. You realize that you’re not as strong as you thought you were (or that you’re actually stronger than you gave yourself credit for). Some days you want to go back to the way things were (but you broke up for a reason)…other days, you may find yourself thinking of doing…or actually doing (any of) these 10 things you should completely avoid:
Blow up his phone with several calls and texts per day. This is kind of like stalking, so, if he isn’t calling you back, hang up the phone. Also, you have better things to do!
Eat your feelings. Yes, Chinese food would go great with the four hours of Netflix you plan to watch tonight, but making this an every night thing is not healthy. Plus, it won’t make you feel better—just bloated.
Drink your feelings. Chances are you girlfriends will want to take you out for cocktails to vent, chat, and celebrate your singledom. One happy hour is fine, but not a week of tequila-induced sloppy nights. You’ll just feel worse once you sober up. Plus, a broken heart and a hangover don’t mix well.
Sleep with the next guy who buys you a drink. Random hookups are always a little risky, but when you’re hot on the heels of a breakup, you’re even more likely to wake up feeling worse. Plus, who is this guy? You are way too hot for him! At least wait it out a little!
Reconnect with other exes. Girl, you aren’t with them for a reason. Remember that time he flaked on your grandma’s funeral? Not cool. It’s natural to be craving something comfortable and reassuring right now, but it’s also pretty selfish to turn to an ex for that if you’re not really interested in getting back together.
Obsess over his new girlfriend. It’s not her fault (well, probably not). Plus, one of the best ways to get over a split the healthy way is to take some responsibility for whatever part you played in the breakup—not blame it on that new chick who keeps popping up in his profile pictures.
Take it public. It’s one thing to vent to your buddies, but publicly ranting isn’t cute, not even online. And grandiose public pleas can be just as risky- take it from Robin Thicke’s recent breakup saga.
Jump into another relationship right away. Everyone copes in different ways, but give yourself a little time to heal. While research shows that rebound relationships aren’t always doomed, it’s important to recognize if you’ve fully moved on first. After all, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who’s still hung up on their ex, would you?
Try to get back at him. Do not, we repeat, do not go key his car or tell his boss he’s embezzling. It’s not worth it and revenge is not a good look on you—unless you’re Emily Thorne and you have your own TV show.
Forget to take some time for yourself. Staying busy with tons of plans can be great, but remember to give yourself some time to heal and process the breakup. After all, you’re pretty fantastic—with or without a partner—and now is the time to think of what you want.
Let us know other things to never do, you think was missed. Thank you!