Aderonke Adebanjo: Love is closer than you think!

Wetin dey for Sokoto, e dey for sokoto.” Pardon my vernacular but I have to go there! This is a saying we heard growing up in these parts and it basically translates as “What you are looking for in Sokoto (a state in Nigeria) can be found in your sokoto (pronounced shokoto: your trousers/pants).” In other words, what you are looking for that you think is so far away is actually within your reach! While this can apply to so many areas of life, I apply it to the search for a mate and I want to speak to the ladies on this one.
There is this notion going around nowadays that “all the good men are taken” and I don’t agree! I remember saying recently that it only SEEMS they are taken because women are not focusing on what’s important. What is this thing about if he’s a good guy, he’s taken. How so? What makes the “taken guys” a better option than the available ones? This is yet another phenomenon that surprises me. It seems like guys appear more attractive once someone else has accepted them and I dare say, done some work on them (you know brothas can use some help sometimes). Ladies, please stop saying that. Guess what: it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and you’ll find that you won’t attract any guys because in your mind you have concluded that the good ones are all taken. It’s not true.
This takes me back to the proverb “Wetin dey for Sokoto, e dey for sokoto.” I believe that most times the (good) guy you’re looking for is right under your nose! He’s right there but often times, we think he’s gonna come riding on a horse to whisk us away or in some other romantic fashion (which would be awesome. Lol) and so we straight up ignore the dudes around us. The knight in shining armor thing might never happen so ladies, pay attention. Think about the kind of guy you want to be with and think of the guys around you. Even if the ones currently around you don’t make the cut, just remember that he (your dream man) is probably around the corner and not in some faraway land waiting to make a dramatic entrance to whisk you away! Don’t think he is in far away Sokoto when he is right in your sokoto! (vicinity). Pay attention. Be open. Be approachable. I can’t tell you how many times I watch a guy and girl interact (I’m a people-watcher) and think if I was a guy I wouldn’t be interested either! Some babes are just too tough –frowning and what not. Loosen up!
Remember, all the good guys are NOT taken. They just seem more appealing because someone else accepted them and loves them. That is all. This is why they say that it seems some single women are more attracted to married men! Because they (the married men) are the product of someone else’s love and hard work! The good guy you want is closer than you think. He exists! And when you get him, be prepared to take him in raw form and do some work i.e. love him!
So ladies, they (good men) are out there. Be you. Be available. Be approachable. Be patient J and he will find you and STOP saying and believing all the good guys are taken cos they are not! I love this quote I saw/heard a litte while ago: “For every woman that needs a man, there’s a man that needs her too.”  There’s a great guy out there who needs and wants you and he’s a lot closer than you think so shine your eye!
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About the author: Aderonke is a radio and television broadcaster, singer, songwriter, poet, lover of LOVE a.k.a. hopeful romantic(!), and daughter of God. She enjoys good conversation and has a great laugh. You can catch her on Smooth 98.1FM and on Twitter @aderonkehiica. For more on her views on relationships, read her blog The Love Chest.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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