If there’s something you find you’re beefing another lady for, 80% of the time it’s because you don’t have it. So get it and move on, or realize you can’t get it, and move on!
Recently I walked into a lounge with my cousin and his fiancée with a couple of friends and their partners too. Shout out to those who have already made the mental note about me being unattached, errr, that’s not what this is about!
A friend had just graduated and we wanted to make it a special evening for him. We were all dressed to the nines: new outfits and hair styles, I was on point! You know that moment when you look in the mirror and tell yourself: ‘choi! I’m fine sha!’ That’s how I felt, that I had trumped every potential hot babe in that lounge (because we ladies dress up for ourselves, not the guys).
We got to the lounge late, with the confidence of chubby penguins. The tables we had reserved had been taken over by some ladies who at the moment were giving us the dressing down of our lives with their eyes. My God! One of them looked at me with so much venom; if looks could kill her eyes would have wiped out my family using me as a point of contact!
Wish I could tell you about the champagne popping ‘competition/incident’ that followed; it was as hilarious as it was silly. Did I mention the ‘pepper eye’ was only for us chics? By the end of the night these ladies were grinding on the men but still rolling their eyes at us. I came away from that evening thinking, ‘ki lo de? Why do women hate/dislike/beef other women’? Why do we feel the next woman has to be the enemy even before we get to know them?
Before you absolve yourself of guilt, have you ever been among your peers (guys or girls) and the first (and probably only) comment you can offer after sizing up another female, has to be nasty? Every other lady has to be an example of what not to wear, sometimes even how not to be created? Are you in the ‘I get along more with guys’ club? Or the ‘if-she’s-rich-she-has-to-be-doing-something-wrong’ school of thought? Of course if it’s a guy he’s hard working, but a lady? Noooooooo.
Does every female look like a potential hawk waiting to snatch your innocent ‘she-made-me-do-it’ (in)significant other? Do you think the only reason the other lady is in your office is to take your job and so before the ink on her employment letter dries you make it your life’s goal to frustrate her out of the place?
It’s funny, but very sad too; when did we stop looking out for each other? I stumbled on some research in The Economist where researchers tried to find amongst other things, which would hurt a prospective female employee more, a CV with a photo or not. Conclusion? “Old fashioned jealousy led women to discriminate against pretty (female) candidates”. Seriously?
Straight talk ladies, quit it! And I have a few ways to help.
- If there’s something you find you’re beefing another lady for, 80% of the time it’s because you don’t have it. So get it and move on, or realize you can’t get it, and move on!
- Know this: you appear petty, unappealing, and insecure when you go on this hate route around guys. They might laugh at your nastiness but trust me, you’re less a lady in their sight.
- Deal with yourself: sometimes all the hate is a manifestation of deeper issues; get help before it gets out of hand.
Have I said all women are perfect, that I haven’t been hurt (severally) by my lady friends? No. But hating on a total stranger? Beneath me. The golden rule doesn’t isolate gender. We shouldn’t.
About the author: Chioma is a social media junkie who loves a good laugh. And her family. And food.
Editor’s note: Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija