by Cheta Nwanze

“God is a democrat, does not support rigging but if you rig and succeed, that means God approves of it.” – Governor Jang

Good morning and happy Monday. I hope you had a good rest this weekend, not the kind of rest that the Plateau and Akwa Ibom blazers had. You see, following Jonah Jang’s almost comprehensive defeat at the NGF meet on Friday, the question that has been bothering me over the weekend is this, “How in the name of One God do you rig a 35 man vote?”

This analysis attempts to answer that in a logical manner, but plainly forgets that when politics is involved in this dear land of ours, logic is not exactly an option.

Otherwise how do you explain the panic that greeted Alphonsus Madu’s visit to the premises of a court in Owerri to collect a jar of sand. When arrested, Madu who claims to be a man-in-black said, “I have a land matter pending in the Customary Court of Appeal, Owerri. I have been fasting all day in respect of the matter. I came to pick some sand from the court premises in continuation of my fasting and prayer.”

But then our men-in-black always have a way of doing stuff that they shouldn’t do, rather than what they should. So while a man gets picked up for practising his religious freedom, albeit in the wrong place, a quiet gang war has been going on in Lagos for a wee while, and well, to my rather limited knowledge, there has been no arrest. Thus it was that the latest instalment of this war went down on Saturday. Six souls were shuffled screaming and possibly kicking, off of the mortal coil.

Quote of the day

“God is a democrat, does not support rigging but if you rig and succeed, that means God approves of it.” Governor Jang apparently read his Bible, or Qu’ran in Chinese. The last time I checked, there is no personality, in recorded history, as authoritarian as the Almighty. Just ask the Philistines.

Bits and bobs

The Prez has given #BokoHaram a hibernation time. They can come down from the mountains in another six months.

#OgaAtTheTop would soon have some respite. As things stand, the FG will be building a recruitment portal to prevent another meme.

In lessons that the Nasarawa widows are taking tutorials from, the wives of the men-in-black who were offed by khaki boys two years ago are still requesting compensation.

Ever since the shutdown of the phone networks, members of #BokoHaram have likely resorted to good old tradecraft, assymetric means of communication, to get their messages from one to the other. Now the population in those areas have taken the hint.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.