How to screw that porno hard!

by Ore Fakorede

YNaija’s resident lifestyle and technology egghead takes you into the first of his ‘How To’ series… Enjoy!

The average guy will take a second look at a photograph of a hot, semi-nude woman. That’s natural. It’s even common knowledge that some men would sooner miss a meal than put down a previously unread copy of the latest issue of Playboy Magazine. Fine. We’ll move towards the extreme now. If you’d rather watch two and a half hours of ‘Fellatio Extravaganza’ than attend the star-studded premiere of a new Bond movie, you’re probably dangerously addicted to pornography. The babes aren’t left out either. Many women have invested more (un)quality time and money in pornographic material than they would care to admit.

To be fair, a good number of porn freaks have tried without much success to break the hold of lust upon their lives. Here are a few tried and trusted tips to help those individuals – the ones with a genuine, desperate desire to get a cure for their obsession. Don’t blink!

1. Destroy your stockpile!

It takes a measure of inner strength, but the first step towards getting clean is cleaning out your closet. Moving your ‘precious’ collection of pornographic material to a backroom or store isn’t enough. As long as the loot is within reach, you’ll keep going back for quick fixes. You can develop the mental energy needed to do your spring cleaning by seeing your collection as a serious health hazard. Think dust-trap to an asthma sufferer.

If you’ve ever dreamt of having a bonfire, here’s the perfect opportunity. Porno magazines and DVDs are flammable, use them to get the flames of self-purification going! When the party ends, please try not to stare longingly at the ashes.

2. Acquire a new obsession!

Now that your repertoire of x-rated material has been expunged, it’s time to find a new favourite pastime. Believe it or not, you’ve just created a void that requires filling and the sooner you start pouring the right things into it, the better for you. There’s no point moping around the house taking dangerous trips down Memory Lane. Get busy by pouring your energy into some interesting activity. Take swimming classes, buy a cute puppy and spend time training it; whatever makes you happy. For now, it’ll be best to avoid lingering in front of your trusty television or hanging around that notorious neighbourhood bookstore. *wink*

3. Revamp your mindset!

You are what you think! Believing erroneously that the amount of fun you can milk out of life depends on a steady supply of porn is equal to laying down your arms and accepting defeat. For victory to last long in reality, the fight against porno must first be won on the battlefield of your mind. With purpose, think non-sexual thoughts. Avoid walking on thought trails that could end up in vivid mental images of naked women or sex scenes. Don’t allow yourself to drift, or you might fall off the precipice and back into the habit.

4. Change your routine!

Remember that apparently closely-knit circle of friends you screen new porno releases with in your apartment? Ditch them, fast! Besides ‘being what you think’, you are also the company you keep. Be evasive in a way that won’t arouse much suspicion. Get busy on weekends, be creative with your excuses, escape to your family house for a much needed vacation, just get away from the mad bunch! Yes, you love them a lot, but don’t try to get your porn-loving friends on the straight and narrow until you’re strong enough to remain unshaken by their counter-persuasion. You’ll know you’re ready to ‘evangelise’ when the mere mention of anything remotely-connected to your old habit repulses you.

Avoiding places and objects that bring up strong memories of your addiction is also a good way to avoid falling back into your old way of life. You could donate your DVD player to charity, adjust your daily route so you circumvent that bookstore or even sell your infamous plasma tv. You can’t possibly move out of that musty apartment of yours now, can you?!

5. Ask for help!

You don’t have to walk the road to redemption alone. Look within your social circles for someone, preferably a mature colleague or an older friend who has dealt successfully with a similar addiction, and share your struggles. Good advice never hurts, don’t be afraid to ask for a healthy dose of it. If you’re too self-conscious, you could always use the old ‘my friend has a problem’ line. Be warned though, it’s pretty worn-out now. You could go a little further by getting professional help from a psychologist or even signing up for spiritual counselling (if you have some faith). And please, don’t jump at the latter just because you can get it for free.

Keep your eyes peeled back for more practical how-tos on a wide variety of subjects!

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Comments (4)

  1. Bushman, Bushman, Bushman… Porn is for guys that are not getting laid! If you were having ANY sex at all you would know that the disgusting acts which are displayed in pornographic movies are a far cry from the real deal.

    And your porn = greater society hypothesis? Absolutely shoddy logic going on there.

    #Thatisall

  2. I don gerrit…You assume porn is actually bad—by what standards.

    Why SHOULD i prefer Bond to 'Fellatio Extravaganza'??? Isnt it supposed to be about personal preference. So a Bond addiction is good but a porn addiction isnt? By what Standards?

    Point is: There is nothing wrong with choosing something over another. The fact that you personally choose not to go with porn does not mean we all should go your way.

    This 'I am better than the others' is the ONLY problem we have in the world.

    Until you present factual, scientifically proven reasons for me to cut my porn addiction, you may like to just cut us off some slacks and take your 'how to' to some other topic.

    Think of what will happen if we all did porn movies. Porn teach us how to have greater sex. Greater sex leads to greater, happier marriages, which leads to better family life and ultimately a greater society.

    But if we go the 007 way??? Yeah! Right Answer, we will kill ourselves, have a degenerated society and violence everywhere.

    And please in peaceful God's name…dont go the religious way abeg.

    Q.E.D

  3. Yes Ore tell dem God does not like this it is a GR8 sin

  4. Guy go sit down………u wan talk say u no dey enjoy porno.

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail