by Kiley Coleman
Girls, if you want to make clear you just want sex, this is definitely the way. I’m not telling you to make it seem like you are sleeping with a bunch of guys, but it’s important to get the message across that you are dating other men.
1. BE UPFRONT
Here’s the thing, honesty is the best policy. Even though most men won’t believe you when you say you just are in it for the sex, you at least need to put it on the table. Remember to be kind if the guy you are hooking up with likes you. Feelings can make it complicated, so make sure you aren’t giving him false hope that he is going to be your boyfriend. Telling the truth is one of the best ways to make clear you just want sex.
2. STAY DETACHED
Staying detached is one of the most important ways to make clear you just want sex. When it comes to any type of communication, keep it simple and to the point. If you are texting, don’t make small talk, just pick a time and place you will be meeting. Go ahead and ignore him if he tries to have a conversation with you. It seems a little harsh, but he won’t mind when you’re calling him later that night to hook up.
3. DOUBLE CHECK YOUR MOTIVE
A lot of times as girls, we say things just to make a guy like us. I am definitely someone who is at fault for that once or twice in my life. It is important to make sure you are clear on your own feelings around the situation when it comes to ways to make clear you just want sex. If you know the guy you are hooking up with isn’t looking for a relationship, but you are, don’t belittle yourself into pleasing him for his own sexual pleasure. Find someone who wants to be in a relationship also. It may be disappointing to not get the man you are going after, but the self esteem and empowerment you receive from saying, “No, just sex with you doesn’t work for me” is immense.
4. DON’T LINGER
Here’s where things get tricky in the bedroom area. A lot of times after sex people enjoy cuddling, and having pillow talk. The thing with booty calls is you’re in, you’re out, and there’s no after-sex linger. This is really important the first time you sleep with a guy because what you do after play time shows him your true feelings about the situation. After you’ve hopefully had your world rocked, grab your clothes and hop out of his place. Tell him you’ll call him to put the ball in your court, then go ahead and move on with your day or night. This is a key way to make it clear you just want sex.
5. IT’S NOT ABOUT A DATE
Chivalry is dead in the case of friends with benefits. Make sure your expectations are in the right place because there will be no dinner and a movie going on. If the guy is asking you out, let him know you aren’t looking for that right now. You just want to get to the good stuff at the end of a date. A lot of times, men will feel guilty that they aren’t taking you out or seeing you outside the bedroom. Let him know if he brings it up that it was your idea to keep that off the table. It’s a way to bruise his ego just enough he can understand not dating is simply a way to make clear you just want to get laid.
6. MAKE CLEAR THERE ARE OTHERS
Girls, if you want to make clear you just want sex, this is definitely the way. I’m not telling you to make it seem like you are sleeping with a bunch of guys, but it’s important to get the message across that you are dating other men. It’s a way to create some jealousy, which is always an ego boost, but also to show your booty call you are open to the idea of finding someone, it just won’t be him. The idea is to take any fear away that you could potentially fall for him and want more then what is being offered. This lets him know he really is in the category of friends with benefits.
7. LATE NIGHT CALLS
Your time frame for communication is a big part of your arrangement. Don’t be afraid of making that 2 a.m. phone call to meet up for a quickie. Any call or text after midnight is purely for booty. Men will never be mad you blew up their phone for late at night pleasure. Just remember from my rule above, don’t stay the night! If your boy has been blowing up your phone during the day, go ahead and ignore it. Wait till the evening to respond. It’s important to talk when the sun goes down, unless your play time is an afternoon delight.
8. SKIP THE LINGERIE
Of course we all want to look sexy in bed. Sometimes putting effort in by wearing a Victoria’s Secret night gown is going over board when in an only sexual relationship. Remember, you’re showing up for you, not for him. All out sexy lingerie usually is a gift we love to give to our boyfriends and husbands. When it comes to your booty call, match your bottoms and tops, and wear something you feel good in. On the plus side, most men find not trying hard to be the sexiest thing. This is just a boy you’re using to feed your needs, so keeping it simple is a way to make clear you just want sex.
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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija