Of Mars & Venus: Love, sex and er, toys

by HD

A couple of years ago, my friend told me about a strange gift her boyfriend had given her when he was travelling for a year. This gift was meant to help her “satisfy herself” so that she would not feel the need to stray while he was away. In certain circles it is known as “the rabbit”… (That was the type she got back then, although there are quite a few different varieties these days!) She told me how horribly embarrassed she felt at first. She could not imagine using the thing on herself, but somehow – even from oceans away – he persuaded her to do so. This went on for a while and eventually she admitted to enjoying it…and craving it. It did for her that he couldn’t.

Fast forward two years after their marriage and we are chatting about married life. She tells me how things have changed. That’s fair enough and expected! But then she also tells me that the sex has changed. It’s not like it used to be – she really has no interest in it unless they are using the toy.

The toy… I thought that was a thing of the past! You still have it??

Yes oh, the old one broke and we bought a new more versatile one. I enjoy it more…

Alarm bells are ringing in my head (I am a bit surprised that they are not in hers). We continue our discussion and guess what? She prefers to use the toy on her own, but she also enjoys it when her husband is with her.

Wahala don land! The original plan was one man and one woman – period. Man and woman added toy. Now it has become woman and toy minus man. This would probably be the same, whether it was big dollies, visual aids or even fantasy role acting.

Looking around now, it seems to me that more and more married couples in Nigeria are becoming dependent on what I can only call “love aids” to repair or boost their flagging marital passion. I suppose these work the same way as a band aid does to the healing of a wound.

Personally I’m a bit worried. What happens when “the rabbit” is no longer able to get things hopping? Most likely, the couple will keep going further and further in the search for more aids, to the point where they get so far off from the ideal that…I don’t know. Or else, nothing conceivable will be able to offer a solution and then they will give up entirely.

Almost all relationships go through this phase, especially between 18 months to 3 years and the couple gets a bit lazy since the relationship has been going so well on auto pilot.

The ideal is one man, one woman yes? So surely between both of you there are things you can do to spice things up without having to depend on these love aids!

First, bear in mind that the catch in your breath when he touched you the first time may not last forever. Expect the change, but remember that it does not mean you are no longer attracted or attractive to your partner. Who wants to burn forever?

Second, by the time the sharp burning has faded, the comfortable love should have set in and the knowledge of each others sensitive spots as well. Exploit that. Enjoy it! This will maintain a keen sense of expectancy and the excitement you were looking for in the first place.

Third, go out of your way to create the mood. Dress up in eye popping lingerie and strike a pose for him. Give her a massage, and let it turns into other things…

Fourth, don’t stop dating. The thrill of the chase contributed to your built up desire in the first place. Dating in the relationship keeps something special for both of you and strengthens your bond.

Fifth, take your mind off the things that are wrong in bed and focus on things that are right in the other areas. Sooner or later you will find something that solves the problems.

Feel free by all means to engage the assistance of love aids if you must. But remember that artificial aids will never be enough. The only real solution is found within both partners – not externally.

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