by Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]
[28th – 2nd Apr, 2011]
MONDAY: “It’s Monday now. All of us in d office dat went for after party and were dancing away not caring dat d CEO was dere, we wee say gud mrnin to him 2day,” @luchiz tweeted as she realized that a new week had started and she was about to face her boss. @flygurl_aidee was hoping that when she faced her superiors, they would have a change of mind. Her tweet read: “I really don’t want to go on this journey today… Lord, pls let them change their minds.” @CuteNaija didn’t need to pray for the little miracle he was experiencing, though he was thankful. “My Etisalat Daily Subscription has been on for 4 days now,” she tweeted excitedly. “My payment was for Only a day o!!..God is Good sha! ☺” That’s not a lie. God is indeed very good. However, the trending topic today was #SoYouThinkYouCanLie. @twitjeremii: “#SoYouThinkYouCanLie I can’t afford to miss the Nottinghill carnival in America this year.. I just can’t!”, @He_is_eL: “#SoYouThinkYouCanLie My WAEC result in Maths was so good, they gave me ‘Outstanding’”, @La_WeeZy: “Do u like mr endowed remix? Yes but P-square ddnt sing d chorus well..#SoYouThinkYouCanLie”
TUESDAY: Banky W is well known for some of his catchy choruses, but today he tweeted what a cab driver told him. According to him, the man said: “When I first came to Abuja, it wasn’t this hot. Now e resemble hell fire. I no know maybe na our sin cause am.” What was scary to @TemiFlawless is the number of deaths around her. “The rate at which people are dying reali scares me *Shivers*” she said in her tweet. @AB_Kay was on hand to warn tweeps, not about death, but about who cuts their hair. “Let my Avatar be a lesson,” he started his tweet. “‘NEVER LET AN ARAB MAN CUT YOUR HAIR’. I went there for a f**kin shape up and he thot I said shave up..”
WEDNESDAY: @bidecks woke up because of a persistent caller and he tweeted in anger, “U had to call me till I picked up! Wtf!! Just woke me up for no particular reason #angrymuch.” @ik_osiakoduwa was pissed because of a fault with his gate. “Argggh! I’m running late. I was trapped in my house. My gate wouldn’t open. I had to manually override it.” He tweeted. @OsizurUnkle also found a way around his issues. “Ok, this office desktop isn’t doing it for me + I miss my tweetdeck, *nw unleashing her (my laptop) on these ppl, screw regulations*,” he tweeted. @Tamy_G_frSH discovered a little secret, and he made up his mind to join the bandwagon. “It is but very obvious that people buy and tweet from poem and philosophy books,” he revealed in his tweet. “I’ll jst buy mine tmrw!”
THURSDAY: Some tweeps still couldn’t decipher @eji_t’s tweets and he wished them the best as they tried to decode it from any source. His tweet read: “So people have been checking their dictionaries becos of my previous tweet! Good luck in finding the meaning!” @Slankey was having a hard time searching for some friends on his bbm, and he didn’t find it funny, as his tweet told us. “I hate it when you have to go thru hell before finding someone on ur BBM,” he tweeted. “What’s with the meaningless signs that peeps use nowadays? Can’t u just write ur name?!” @solar_bossgurl’s problem was with her network provider. “I’ve not been able to twit a tweet in d last 3hrs *emptyhen errwhere u go*” her sarcastic tweet read. One place you need to go ASAP according to @Ebuka is the Federal Capital Territory. He told us why in his tweet. “If u don’t visit Abuja in the next year and half, be ready to get lost right from the airport. The road & rail constructions are insane!”
FRIDAY: There was confusion everywhere today and it wasn’t about the Abuja or nationwide rail system. It was April’s Fools Day and nobody knew what to believe. @AndyMadaki shared the joke thatw as played on him. “So I just got April fooled! @Konduks switched my Crunchy Nuts for normal cornflakes in the packs…. *now pouring sugar in his indomie*” he tweeted mischievously. He seemed to be having fun. It wasn’t so for @temiokomi who asked for the day to be moved by 24 hours forward. His tweet read: “Would be refreshing if everybody saved their ‘April fool’ pranks for 2moro. Now, we can’t even believe real stories. *smfh*” One story that we could at least believe as at today was that the Senatorial elections will take place tomorrow. @darey took time out to enlighten some of his followers and advised me to vote. “The National Assembly Elections, is just as important as the Presidential Elections!!! Please Vote wisely!!!”
SATURDAY: At the end of the day, it seemed the April Fools Day was extended by an extra day, as the elections didn’t hold. They were postponed till Monday. “Na wa o! Inec sef dey do us april fool?” @Qelvin_E asked rhetorically in his tweet. @PengBoiz wasn’t interested in any of it. And he warned those who were harassing his bbm with broadcasts about the postponement. “Please quit sending me Broadcast msgs I don’t blaady care about the Election, do sometin creative wit ur time abeg *hiss*” With the elections not happening at least for another 48 hours, tweeps spent their time watching soccer. Manchester United moved closer to clinching the EPL as Arsenal and Chelsea both dropped points. @ChrisIhidero was not a fan of any of the teams in England. He followed the La Liga and as Jose Mourinho’s 150 unbeaten home matches was ended by Sporting Gijon, he tweeted, “We win tonight and the league is over… Forza Barca!!!”
Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!
@Skila1: Homo sapiens never seize 2 amusment me
@iDefineTruth: Those ex-es who have hurted you.
@Ms_Myna: I fnk dis Solid Star guy has relationship problems… He’s always laments in all his songs *smh
@bayorwizzy: I would rather kill myself than committing suicide
@Ms_Chocbilli: I’m much rather tweet a question than google it
@marysosexy: Saying excuse me, they don’t hear you, so just pushing them out of the way.
@stritzdrimz: I don’t where or how to start.. Bt wit all dats in ma heart I gave God praise
@MissHigo: Exams are end tomorrow :D”
@Mz_Angiie I need to get my hair did soon!
@Vyolar: Y did cars slowin down na!
@Forlabee: J.Lo shud quitting trying….
@LeighyahBaby: Ladies that fall in luv with other peoples boyfriends have low selves of steam.
Recommended: Follow some Unilag dudes that’ll rock your TL and ask for a follow back – @Drewbaba, @Pengboiz @walegafar and @Sal_vador
Rant of the week: @RaufTheBaous:If mtn na person,I for beat am die today iswear,I’ll kill him sef ni and change network!
Retweet of the week: tayo_alayo said in her tweet, “Now I hate twitter like 4 real!”. @jatutu002 asked her, “wetin twitter do you na?”. She then retweeted and said, “I too dey go jail noni!”
Tweet of the week: @kazebleek: Back in my house ooooo! Uncle is around and he’s been lecturing me bout my prayers since…. I’m escaping with the first available flight to my cousin’s crib tomorrow!!!
Seriously tweeting: @TheycallmeKoro: LIP BALM IS ONLY A DOLLAR O! YOUR LIPS DONT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE YOU’VE BEEN USE THEM TO SCRUB TERRAZO FLOOR!
Quote my tweet: @Miz_Twinkles: This GEJ will so show some ppl pepper if he makes it to the Aso Rock….
@tosinadeda: I swear even Fashola doesn’t even deserve any vote! All of them are the same! Baskards
@Prodeegy: U BE FOOLLLL
@FarroukhCanDoIt: BIG FAT FOOL
@tosinadeda: Ur father is a fool!
@FarroukhCanDoIt: I won’t come down to ur IQ..
@tosinadeda: If @prodeegy cals me a fool, I can take that, as per family! But bitches hiding behind twitter sayn that also? Una papa!!
@FarroukhCanDoIt: Koshi kuro jor! Omo Ale jatijati…
@tosinadeda: U wey be say na rape dem rape ur mama born u!
@FarroukhCanDoIt: *sniffs* that’s so Grade 2 yab. Ur brain dey malfunction.. Better lose some nuts!
@tosinadeda: Na ur mama nickname na, grade 2 ashewo
@FarroukhCanDoIt: Guy, the bottom line is YOU ARE DULL.. U inherited it so don’t bother!!
@tosinadeda: This fool ——-> @FarroukhCanDoIt is the product of a used condom! #mistake
@tosinadeda: This fool takes stupidity to a new height ——-> @FarroukhCanDoIt he is a wonder u shld #ff him
@FarroukhCanDoIt: As in ehn, U don begin dey bore me.. Abeg sign out!
@tosinadeda: Kill a fool today ——-> @FarroukhCanDoIt make the world a beta place. . . Sum1 didnt kill d father thats y we av him
@Prodeegy: Tosin Longe..sharp badt guy!
@tosinadeda: Seriously, I hope that imbecile no b ur friend, I go dis-family u o
Foot Note: Many thanks to @PengBoiz and @MsJazzyfied for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You can also become a YNaija Twirrespondent. It’s easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send them to me.