by Matthew ‘Femi Adedoyin

Young men or women who engage in premarital sex end up having extramarital relationships and this is a problem for our society.

Our definition of moral concepts in recent times has indubitably resulted to high level of licentiousness, sexual anarchy, disruption of family life and a life bereft of hope and decency. Our society and so called civilization has made us believe that modesty and morality is not what it used to be. We have been given new definition of virtuousness by the media, internet, environment and ultimately by Hollywood, Nollywood, Sallywood, Gallywood and every other ‘woods’.

Modesty in the ancient times is extremely celebrated. Many literatures confirm the sexual sanity and sanctity of our forefathers and their strict observance of the rule of modesty. In the days of our forebears, the groom is expected to make love with his new bride on their wedding day while their relations wait outside to see the white bed sheet stained by the blood of the virtuous virgin. Any bride who could not excite this plummy blood of virginity therefore became a source of unceasing shame to her family.

If asked today why this culture is no longer in place, we are quick to say it’s civilization but in the real sense this is no where near civilization because civilization according to Wordweb Dictionary and Advanced English Dictionary is defined as the quality of excellence in thought and manners and taste. My question is; “How is bringing shame to your family with a distorted sexuality an excellent manner and thought?”

I am not here to tell you whether premarital and extramarital sex are sin or not. I will leave that to your pastors, Imams, monks and nuns, but intimate sexual relation especially with whom you are not married to is harmful to your family and the society at large. The key to a transformed society is a transformed family and there cannot be a transformed family when the sexuality of our fathers and mothers, both present and future is distorted. Family is the base brick of any society and if we destroy family, we strongly deteriorate the quality of life.

Research has proved that children with right information and self-esteem turn out better as adults and family people than children who were exposed to sexual abuse or who became sexually active at the wrong time. Young men or women who engage in premarital sex end up having extramarital relationships and this is a problem for our society. Extramarital affairs cause dysfunctional homes and most children that grows up in dysfunctional homes end up becoming society mis-fits. The question I always ask myself is, “which fair haven or which promised land as a nation will mis-fits take us to?” This libertinism of having sexual relation with anybody, anytime, anywhere will have a consequence on our children and the result of this consequence will show in the state of the nation in future.

In a bid to defend ourselves, we are always quick to say practicing safe sex will save us all the drama of giving birth to unwanted or fatherless children but the truth according to Dr. John G. Sholl is that “safe sex is a misleading incongruous combination of words”. The most promoted means of safe sex is the use of condom. Permit me to quick give this analysis about condom:

1. Condoms are only 87% effective in preventing pregnancy and 69% effective in reducing the risk of HIV Infection

2. The British standards institute permits up to 3 out of 100 condoms to have holes in them when they leave the factory while in America, government allows 4 out of a thousand

3. 15% of married couples who use condoms for birth control end up with an unplanned pregnancy within the first year

4. In one UK survey, holes were found in up to 32 of 100 condoms. The hole in each is 5 micron, HIV is 0.1 micron

5. The manufacturers of condom did not say their product prevent STDs, it only reduces the risk of getting it.

Now, if condom is only 87% effective in preventing pregnancy which was the original reason for making it, don’t you think it is delusion to think it a means of safe sex? After I finished speaking at an event sometime in 2010 a guy gave me a call saying: “I am calling to support all you have said about condom, my two aborted babies and three living babies were all formed using condom. So, I’m in support that condom is not safe at all.”

Also a survey was made in America. 100 couples were taught how to use condom effectively for birth control. They were asked to use condom for birth control for a year and before the end of six month, 34 came back with pregnancy.

Anyway, that was just a digression, my aim is to inform us about illicit sex and its effect on our society. As at 1963, we had just two STDs – Gonorrhea and Syphilis but today we have more than 25 STDs due to increase in premarital and extramarital sex. If all our future leaders – President, National Assembly members, Governors etc have one of these diseases, what kind of nation do you think we are going to build? Now imagine if the solution to the problem of our nation has contracted HIV through premarital or extramarital sex and has just two years to live. I believe everybody will become prayer warriors.

At times, I wonder if animal, with a low level of intelligence can be so wiser than man in observing modesty. Anyone who might have noticed the behavior of a bitch, when she is not on heat, when approached by a dog with tail wagging gallantly, will definitely appreciate modesty. The bitch squats firmly down on the front legs and hindquarters when the dog’s attention becomes too pronounced. This is to prevent the other dog from intruding on her modesty or arouse it to commit lewdness. Also, in the animal kingdom, a male animal can never be attracted to another male. If animals can avoid illicit sex despite the fact that they are not given marriage opportunity, then man has a long way to go.

Sexual promiscuity is bad for our civilization. Illicit sex is wrong in many civilized society that was why Elliot Spitzer was impeached as the Governor of New York. Bill Clinton who would have been the best President America ever had struggled through impeachment because of this singular reason. A study has shown that there is an unvarying correlation between the degree of sexual restraints and the rate of social progress. Therefore, for the good of our land, abstinence should be our only principle because abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, save the nation from immoral leaders, and, most importantly, honors God.

Stay purified.

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Matthew ‘Femi Adedoyin is a humorist and an internationally known abstinence advocate. He is referred to as Apostle of Sexology due to his apostolic style of the study of human sexual behavior. He is one of Africa’s youngest and finest sex recovery experts. He tweets from @adedoyinmatthew.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.