Tag: femke

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March 30, 2013

Femke becomes Funke: The last one

by Femke van Zeijl To the readers of this column, first and foremost, I dedicate this piece. To the ones who ...

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March 20, 2013

Femke becomes Funke: Celebrating mediocrity

by Femke van Zeijl Nigeria is the opposite of a meritocracy: you do not earn by achieving. You get to ...

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March 15, 2013

Femke becomes Funke: The big question on everyone’s mind

by Femke van Zeijl Some of my single Nigerian girlfriends seem obsessed with matrimony. With every new boyfriend, with every ...

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March 9, 2013

Femke becomes Funke: Playing the card of culture

by Femke van Zeijl ‘My darling’, she replies, sipping her Smirnoff Ice, making the ice cubes in her glass tinkle. ...

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February 23, 2013

Femke becomes Funke: The Eagles and the beast

by Femke van Zeijl Good journalism should strike a balance… I do believe the news in the West about Nigeria ...

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January 30, 2013

Femke becomes Funke: My moinmoin with amala episode

Though I was not the only one having piping hot amala in the local Ebute Metta joint, I did not ...

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January 22, 2013

Femke becomes Funke: Not a common cold

by Femke van Zeijl I long for the moment when I have finally toughened up and gotten used to pure ...

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January 9, 2013

Femke becomes Funke: Oyinbo’s dictionary to Nigerian English (Part 2)

by Femke van Zeijl Amebos idle their time away doing nothing but gossiping maliciously about other people. Often of the ...

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December 31, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: A Wazobia dinner table

by Femke van Zeijl Maybe it is the STARs that keep coming, or P-Square’s music we all dance to, or my ...

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December 12, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: Voluntary curfew

by Femke van Zeijl My voluntary curfew makes me realise I respond the Nigerian way: by adjusting. Knowing my rage ...

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December 4, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: Iya Funke was here

by Femke van Zeijl My landlady is beating the talking drum clasped under her left arm. When she sings her ...

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November 7, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: The right to call a place home

I did not know the word ‘indigenes’ – spelled this way I mean – before I came to Nigeria. But ...

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October 18, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: Floods do not discriminate

Yes. Leadership has failed. But pointing upwards is the laziest way of explaining what is wrong with Nigeria. I hated ...

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October 10, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: #Aluu4 and the danger of fending for yourself

Often I have quoted the self-reliance and resilience of Nigerians as a positive trait. They fend for themselves. I called ...

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September 26, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: Open letter to Nigerian law enforcement officers, big and small

Dear law enforcing officers of Nigeria, I know nobody likes you. That is a terrible thing to live with. I ...

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September 20, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: ‘That’s not a discount, that’s an insult’

I drive a hard bargain, not just for budget’s sake but also because I feel it is my obligation towards ...

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July 9, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: My drawer of self-deception

Nigeria is not the only place where false alarms and innuendo can cause quite a stir.  As we walk by ...

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June 18, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: No people deserve dog food- (whatever your expectations of the kitchen)

As a journalist you have to find a balance between caring too much and becoming numb. My biggest fear is ...

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June 11, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: Guilt and privilege – the true privilege is being able to say no

Guilt and privilege seem to go hand in hand, at least if you have any moral fibre in your body. ...

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May 21, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: ‘Idiot oyinbo woman’

I will have to get used to reading between the lines and to accept that what Western shrinks might have ...

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May 14, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: As good as your gadget

  The editing room of the Lagos based TV station was as loud as Ojuelegba under the bridge on a ...

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OluwapelumiMay 9, 2012

Femke van Zeijl: A Journalist’s checklist in times of terror

Do not publish about bomb scares. We do not publish about false fire alarms or almost accidents either. I have ...

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April 14, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: White sexual commodity

Being a woman in Nigeria means a large percentage of the time you are seen as a sexual commodity. Add ...

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April 4, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: “I became angry the Lagosian way – skin deep!”

by Femke van Zeijl   All of a sudden I see it too. The cramped expressions on faces, the throbbing veins in ...

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March 30, 2012

Femke becomes Funke: Beer in the morning? I would not dream of refusing

    by Femke van Zeijl I enjoy being known. Migrating to another country is so fundamental a change, not ...

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail