“Terrorist People of Biafra”, Operation Python Dancers, the $999 iPhone X | These are last week’s winners and losers

The nature of the events that took centre stage in Nigeria last week and the fact that we may have a new terrorist group on our hands has every citizen worried, not only for the country’s security but its unity too. Beyond the political snafu, we had a number of disruptors in entertainment, pop culture and technology – the biggest being the iPhone X.

From last week’s biggest newsmakers, here are those who came out strong and others whose actions were unpardonable:

LOSERS

IPOB

The Armed Forces of Nigeria on Friday officially declared the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) a “militant terrorist organisation”. This came days after the very heated events that surround the alleged invasion of IPOB Leader, Nnamdi Kanu’s house in Abia.

In his account of the incident, Kanu said, “The soldiers wanted to bulldoze their way into the palace but IPOB members formed a human shield and resisted them. They wanted to break the shield and fired at three persons and wounded others before leaving.”

Although we can’t confirm the veracity of the reports but hundreds of IPOB members were declared missing or presumed dead after the army’s reported clash with the group. And that’s only one clash! How about we put an end to this while we still can?

The Nigerian Army

These ones are actually the biggest losers from last week for allowing themselves to be caught in a situation that undermines the Force’s integrity.

In what was disguised as a harmless parade, the soldiers were accused of “dragging people out of their vehicles and executing them in cold blood in broad daylight”. Like that wasn’t enough to set the fire of an already heated situation, the military kept coming up with contrary information on their activities in Abia.

Of course, the actions of the military in Nigeria’s South East has been largely condemned nationwide, and rightly so. With fighter jets and military helicopters reportedly hovering over parts of Abia, the military has obviously failed at restoring normalcy or whatever its original mission is.

PDP

We believe the leaders of the opposition party should no longer be shocked when they receive reports of massive crosscarpeting like the one that happened last week. Over 14,000 members who are erstwhile supporters of ousted factional leader, Ali Modu Sheriff (a major loser on our list sometime ago) defected to the ruling APC.

All of them hailing from Delta put up a dramatic show of chucking their PDP membership cards in a bin and lowering a huge PDP banner hence signaling the rejection of the party.

RiPDP!

D’Tigers

Not that we’re not proud of our basketball team but a loss is a loss.

They lost 77-65 to Tunisia in the finals of the 2017 Afrobasket tournament and will arrive on Monday with their silver medal.

If you need consolation, then pride on the fact that the team captain, Ike Diogu won the Most Valuable Player Award at the tournament. Well…

Patience Jonathan

Another day, another discovery!

Anti-graft agency, EFCC traced an uncompleted 8-storey building complex in Abuja to the former First Lady and we’ve genuinely lost count. The EFCC described the building as a “magnificent architectural edifice” and we’re wondering if they expected anything less.

Can anyone else picture what Mrs Jonathan busied herself with while her husband ran the country? Sneaky much!

Lawmakers

Of all of their many recent sins, we adjudge the senators and members of House of Reps losers for postponing their resumption from recess, in these dire times.

And we declare them bigger losers for stating no reasons!

WINNERS

Miss Kebbi

Massive congratulations to Ihezue Ugochi Mitchel, Miss Kebbi as she was crowned the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria 2017 on Friday.

There was major buzz around the show as it happened to be the first in two years considering it did not hold last year.

She will be going on to represent Nigeria in the Miss World beauty pageant next year and who knows, we may have the next Agbani Darego on our hands. Who knows?

President Buhari

If we are to go by former President Olusegun Obasanjo’s assertions last week, then Buhari stands strong as a winner on this list.

“President Buhari has not disappointed me. Yes, he is fighting corruption, he is fighting insurgency. We are not there yet and it is not a one night wonder. With what he has done, we should credit him and encourage him to do more”, OBJ said in an interview with CNN’s Christiane Amanpour.

What else can we say?

Apple

Our biggest winner is Apple and we’re sure everyone already knows why.

5.8‑inch Super Retina screen, front and back surgical‑grade stainless steel, wireless charging, water and dust resistance, face ID, 12 Animoji that mirror your movement, depth-sensing cameras…say hello to Apple’s latest masterpiece. The $999 iPhone X.

Image result for iphone x

We hope you’re all saved up!

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