Although there is no rule book that best teaches how a cheating partner is supposed to act so as not to arouse suspicions from you, the textbook lipstick and perfume may no longer apply when trying to figure out if your lover is cheating. Still, there will always be signs that they might be emotionally or sexually involved with someone else despite your expectations of exclusivity from them.

No one ever expects to believe or learn that their partner could see someone else while pretending to belong to them solely. However, there have been arguments that a person could be capable of splitting their emotions equally for different lovers (polygamy).

First, it starts with a hunch, like a break in routine that plants the idea in your head, making you think that maybe your partner is hiding something, and they do not want you to figure out what it is.

Trying to understand your lover’s reason for cheating on you could bring you down a slippery slope journey of self-worth and depression, and remember, the fault is never truly on you but on the spouse who refuses to communicate with you and has sought to find happiness beyond the walls of your relationship.

You may find yourself asking how you know if your lover is cheating, and we have 10 ways to know if your lover is cheating with you, emotionally or otherwise.

1. They are unreachable

Change is a significant factor to notice in a cheating lover. It is advised that you are always on the lookout for the most minor details in your lover’s actions, personality and reactions to things around them. Were they always busy during the day when they had work? How about nighttime? How often did they sneak you a text while at work? It may be a reach to assume that your lover is cheating solely on them being unreachable, but it is an action to keep under record.

2. Change in their libido

How often did you and your partner have sexual intercourse? Were there ever any complaints about their expectations from you, and what changed between the both of you? Did you improve or did they accept the normalcy? It is wise to notice the change in their libido when it comes to sexual activities because while it is common for their sexual desire for you to lessen as they might be getting it elsewhere, they could also try to compensate and try to convince you by asking for more from you. This is a psychological tactic to distract you from ever suspecting them.

3. More attention on their appearance

Although this does not apply to every cheating partner out there, if, for some reason, your lover suddenly desires to put more effort into being attractive than they have ever hinted towards, it won’t hurt to raise your eyebrows at such spontaneous actions. Often, people try adding gym or wardrobe changes to their New Year’s Resolutions list, but that may not always be the case in the issue of cheating.

4. Phone handling pattern

Being cheated on can be detrimental to a person as it breaks down their trust in anyone else and ruins their perspective of people. If you discover that your partner, husband or wife has developed a slight change in their phone handling pattern, you should keep that detail to yourself till you are entirely accurate that they may have broken out of their exclusivity pact with you. 

You may find that they have changed their passwords or pins, now have deleted chats, or refuse to give you their phones. These actions are bound to raise questions and will point you in the direction that your gut might be suggesting to you-which is that they are probably seeing someone else.

5. They become emotionally unavailable

Suppose your lover is someone who used to share their thoughts and feelings with you and consistently inquired about yours but has suddenly stopped or reduced the frequency at which they ask. In that case, you may need to start wondering what has gone wrong in your relationship and why they are no longer emotionally available for you.

6. How frequent are your quarrels?

The frequency of your quarrels and fights with your cheating partner could assist you in concluding that your lover could be cheating on you. When you fight, and it takes longer to make up, they become unkind to you after your fights, or they leave without reaching out to you for days; you may need to start building up your accusatory case against them.

7. Holes in their words

When your cheating lover begins to make statements that contradict themselves or their past actions, you might need to take notes on these things because a lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. You could point out the holes in their lies and watch how they react in catching up with themselves or how they react to covering up their lie.

8. They grow defensive as you express your concerns

No cheater prays to be caught in a lie; it may have catastrophic consequences depending on the partner they are with and if your cheating lover starts becoming defensive as you have the uncomfortable conversation about things changing in your relationship, you may be right that they are getting a release somewhere else that is not with you.

9. They criticise you often

If you have a cheating pattern, then odds are that they are going to judge your actions based on the person or people that they are now with. Notice how they treated you back when you first entered into a relationship with them versus how they treat you now like they are irritated with your presence and everything you do.

10. Indifference

This might be a sign to speak with your cheating partner and work out what to do afterwards. If your partner is indifferent to your actions and no longer finds an interest in the things that excite you or is no longer interested in participating in the things you once did together, it would be right to wonder if they are cheating on you.