Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.
Here’s our list from today:
1 Omojuwa
Because the news today is just shameful, we’d begin with a little pick me up.
Take a look at this:
Wow.
2.Dami
And now to the horrifying report that JAMB has lowered its cut off mark to 120- because Nigerians are so dumb, the bar has to next to the ground abi. TwitterNG lashes out.
It's borderline lazy that standards should be lowered, the schools in europe have never reduced theirs ,
— Ömò Pôpónkí (@borie_nla) August 23, 2017
In 2yrs we lowered every bar,
largest economy to Recession
N197 to N370 per dollar
Aso Villa to Rat VillaEven Jamb cut off now is 120
— Ebube D Statesman (@akaebube) August 23, 2017
1. JAMB cut-off mark is 120/100
2. Rats chased @NGRPresident @MBuhari out of office.Is Nigeria at its final stage of collapse?
— Jeff Okoroafor (@JeffOkoroafor) August 23, 2017
ASUU strike.
Cut off mark reduction.
They don't want you educated.
It'll be easier to feed you rat trauma when you aren't.
Stay woke.— Name: (@DamiElebe) August 23, 2017
Most people crying about new JAMB cut off point once said they'll take NEPA bill or Shoprite receipt over WAEC result of PMB, we'll be okay pic.twitter.com/VwBAsEdhRB
— china acheru (@Ikwerreman) August 23, 2017
3. Oby Ezekwesili
Co-founder of Transparency Intl lends her voice to this Aso Villa rodents drama. This is her verdict:
Kai, I have done a systematic examination of this Rat story from the Presidency. I found no redeeming prospect. They elevated Rodents.
— Oby Ezekwesili (@obyezeks) August 23, 2017
Reactions:
4. Kemi Ariyo
At least someone is making a name for himself ahead of 2019.
Chai!!!
The Rodents headline is on international news??
Congrats Garba Shehu you are getting popular?? pic.twitter.com/F4mcAxBXDE— Kemi Ariyo (@d_problemsolver) August 23, 2017
The rest of us are ?
I don't even mind the rats or any lie. I can't watch CNN, BBC, AJ for a week. The shame is killing me
— IAO (@abiodunosemobor) August 23, 2017
I don't even mind the rats or any lie. I can't watch CNN, BBC, AJ for a week. The shame is killing me
— IAO (@abiodunosemobor) August 23, 2017
I never imagined it would come to this but with this weak storyline I'm officially embarrassed ?
— Honest (@honest4rmph) August 23, 2017
It's not as if we didn't know how unprofessional the President's spokespersons are, but did they THINK at all before giving this excuse?
— Ayo Obe (@naijama) August 23, 2017
And FG's irresponsibility turned Nigeria to a laughing stock amongst nations. Minor rodent infestation became a national issue.
— Olumide Adeloye (@olumideloye) August 23, 2017
We turned everything to Animal Farm,Rats and Rodents have their space booked, hyena and Jackal still looming large and the LION REIGNS
— Taofeek Odunowo (@ilovemynigeria) August 23, 2017
Can't believe the entire presidential media team thought it okay to tell the nation that rats infested the president's office. Jesus Christ.
— Princess Pepisko Pepeye (@MissIgho) August 23, 2017
Something’s off, sha.
I still don't believe rats exists in Aso rock villa. I want to believe that the presidency is hiding the truth from Nigerians. Democrazy.
— Iyoha Dickson (@iyohadickson) August 23, 2017
I know APC lead government has been lying but I think this the mother of all lies…
— lovely_lilly (@Uncleprank) August 23, 2017
In the end…
IBB chased Buhari out of office in 1985.
Rats chased him out of office in 2017.
Reasonable people & PVC will chase him out of office in 2019— AJALA JALINGO (@UNCLE_AJALA) August 23, 2017
Aso rats, na you biko.
5. Stephanie Hegarty
Foreign reporters will not stop needling us with this rats story. BBC Producer, Stephanie takes a shot at Buhari for missing his first FEC meeting after his return.
Buhari cancels FEC this week – Femi Adesina. Did the rats get that office too? Says he will receive report on NIA and SGF though.
— Stephanie Hegarty (@stephhegarty) August 23, 2017
He did that the last time, didn’t he? Gege and Akaebube are beside themselves with fury.
6. Nduka Odo
On the heels of Buhari’s presidential address to halt hate speech on social media, the military is leading the charge:
?
Garba Shehu 's story of rats in Aso Rock,
?
JAMB lowers cut-off to 120,
?
Buhari 103 days in London,
?
Now this pic.twitter.com/zN6xtGRThD— Nduka Odo, CCFR (@ndukaodo) August 23, 2017
Sigh.
7. Mr Okeke
Etisalat, sorry 9Mobile is proving ineffective already only a few weeks into their administration. Okeke wonders why.
https://twitter.com/MrOkeke_/status/900269769219121152
Onome answers
Apparently, 9mobile don't have the capacity to serve the customer size Etisalat left for them. Infrastructure deficiencies. Sad.
— Chief Perkins (@poabaje) August 23, 2017
So what’s the plan?
***************Commercial Break*******************
Correction: Igbo "MEN" for Nkwobi and beer 🙂 pic.twitter.com/dsJHb8DdYK
— Victor Asemota (@asemota) August 23, 2017
That guy is still carrying the envelope ?? https://t.co/lNuNfQsOjI
— Goziem (@thundrfest) August 23, 2017
**********************************
8. Joseph Bassey
This is a citizen’s report about a missing baby.
READ:
A baby has been crying for almost an hour inside the BRT bus, passengers didn't pay much attention to it at first till they realized
— Harvey (@akajoebass) August 23, 2017
If you are missing a little boy, fair complexion, between 6 month or a year old. Please show up at Ketu police station. Pls RT to parent
— Harvey (@akajoebass) August 23, 2017
Na wa ooo.
9. Victor Asemota
The Big Chief has useful admonition for Africans in diaspora:
Africans in Diaspora amplifying dissent, spurring conflict from the comfort of their homes abroad should be careful of sowing the wind.
— Victor Asemota (@asemota) August 23, 2017
10. Cheta Nwanze
After faithful service to political Twitter, Cheta takes a bow:
Dear world,
For my well-being, I am hereby announcing my retirement from Political TwitterNG. Going forward, catch me on LMAO TwitterNG.
— Chxta (@Chxta) August 23, 2017
Reactions:
Welcome to the club, sir. 🙂 https://t.co/KUrgcLHZqj
— Gimba Kakanda (@gimbakakanda) August 23, 2017
I give it 24 hours
— Zainab Ahmed (@Baniyaz) August 23, 2017
All former documents remain valid. https://t.co/cVehdPDXq0
— The Runner (@je_mc2) August 23, 2017
.@Chxta retires from Political Twitter NG after 7 years as its 2nd most retweeted user, and 3rd most mentioned user.
— The Runner (@je_mc2) August 23, 2017
Let’s end it on a light hearted note:
'Unforseen' circumstances. pic.twitter.com/zLssl9c2Xt
— Mr. Drinks On Me #FRA?? (@Mr_DrinksOnMe) August 23, 2017
The irony.
Reformed social media monitoring spirit
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