Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. They range from the awesome and brilliant to the OMG, he didn’t. We have made it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

1. Yahya Jammeh:

First, we heard that Jammeh was preparing to flee.

#Gambia An order has been give to clear the airport of all other security officers, including NIA officers; Jammeh's wife and kids fleeing pic.twitter.com/AdZOFJGFTu

— MamaLinguere Sarr (@mamasarr) January 18, 2017

Then we heard that per his legislature, Jammeh’s tenure has been extended for an additional 90 days.

What we do know for certain is that the combined military might of Nigeria’s Airforce, the Nigerian Navy and Senegal’s troops (we hear) will be waiting to greet him tomorrow, should he refuse to move from that stool. And it’s likely America has a special package for him. We just do not know what yet. As they say in social media lingo, tomorrow’s gonna be lit!

Gambian Vice President resigns as Senegalese and Nigerian Troops head for the Gambian border!

— Sada Abubakar Dikko (@Saad_Abubakar1) January 18, 2017

It's being reported that the Senegalese army are at Gambia's border and will enter the country at midnight if Jammeh refuses to step down.

— Usman Shamaki (@aushamaki) January 18, 2017

Before you make that life altering decision, Sir, consider this below:

Gambia has a military strength of 2500

Is that not Bonny Camp ?????

— Cinderella Man (@Osi_Suave) January 18, 2017

Dear Yayah Jameh, the password is Economic Community of West African States Military Intervention in #Gambia (ECOMIG). Be very afraid!??????

— Kayode Ogundamisi (@ogundamisi) January 18, 2017

https://twitter.com/MurtalaIbin/status/821807470066728961

2. Funmi Iyanda

The TV maven declared that marriage is not one of her aspirations, and people just started leaking bitters all over the place.

I had my palm and tarot card reading done yesterday, 1st time. Psychic says l am not the marrying type. I want my money back. ?

— Funmi Iyanda (@Funmilola) January 18, 2017

Oh for goodness' sake. Stop texting me prayers. ??This means he told me what l always knew. Jeez! So many fried brains. https://t.co/7MYvswujSZ

— Funmi Iyanda (@Funmilola) January 18, 2017

I have never wanted to be married. I like it for others who like it for themselves but as for me ms funmi iyanda, no, thank you.

— Funmi Iyanda (@Funmilola) January 18, 2017

Those who came for her

can you first of all shut your dry cunt up, you waste pipe. So what if you don't wanna get married? Attention seeking Sasquatch!

— Mr Clinton Sebastine (@kingshabbaz) January 18, 2017

https://twitter.com/elnathan_john/status/821761215126994944

Her friend returned the favour

Amazing, @Funmilola makes a statement of choice and the Palaeolithic man comes out to bask in the glow of their prehistoric barbarism.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ #FBPE (@forakin) January 18, 2017

I want to get married. But its not compulsory for any woman to aspire to marriage, its a personal choice. She'll be happy either way.

— Ky ? (@kynene_) January 18, 2017

Marriage is not an achievement
It is not the key to happiness
It is not a cure for promiscuity
It is not end of all our problems

— Imoh Umoren (@ImohUmoren) January 18, 2017

Wonders

This vitriol is not directed at a clearly corrupt, incompetent or inept politician but at a woman simply stating a choice not to marry. https://t.co/PteDGtJ2g8

— Funmi Iyanda (@Funmilola) January 18, 2017

 

3. Joe Abah

And that conversation above triggered the DG, BPSR’s thought process and inspired the tweet below.

#TodaysHypothesis: Many of the most abusive anonymous Twitter handles are actually the alter egos of respectable but timid people.

— Dr. Joe Abah (@DrJoeAbah) January 18, 2017

We disagree. Not one whit of respectability do they possess.

 

4. Tonto Dikeh’s husband’s alleged mistress

While we are on the subject of marriage, you will recall that the grapevine has been saying that Tonto Dikeh’s marriage is on the rocks because of her husband’s infidelity. Well, her’s one of those alleged to be said husband’s mistress speaking out. According to her, Mr Dikeh is only a brother.

Do see below:

 

5. Omoni Oboli

The film maker is lamenting the hard time she has making films when she’s being taxed by one agbero or another. She is beseeching Governor Ambode to do something about it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BPaOnqsBOCF/?taken-by=omonioboli

This is what is going on my set right now!!! Why can't I work on peace in Lagos? Someone should help me tell the governor! #FedUp pic.twitter.com/xpKG9g0Ci7

— Omoni Oboli (@Omonioboli) January 18, 2017

Every minute on set costs money. Not shooting right now @AkinwunmiAmbode because area boys won't let me. I've had to deal with them everyday pic.twitter.com/RQW9dBpyIf

— Omoni Oboli (@Omonioboli) January 18, 2017

Governor Ambode, please call your boys to order.

6. Nigerian Soldiers

It’s hard to fully comprehend what exactly is going on here, except that members of the Nigerian military are beheading civilians.

What in the world?!!!!

[VIEWER DISCRETION]

I have too many questions. But most importantly, how did we get to a point where soldiers behead fellow Nigerians? pic.twitter.com/HgJTEWRECM

— Attah (@AttahBr) January 18, 2017

bro I saw it! It's terrible

— AuduMaikori (@Audu) January 18, 2017

I mean its saddening,how did we ever get 4rm soldiers being our protectors 2 life takers? This video should be investigated https://t.co/CqReB4rQ6O

— Louisome (@KpakoBilionaire) January 18, 2017

Nigerian citizens

Nigerians are mad at Buhari for steering clear of areas that require his presence to comfort, condole and restore hope. Instead, time and again, the President always sends a delegation in his stead.

Pres Delegation preparing to leave for Rann. Led by Chief of Staff to the Pres, Abba Kyari. Defence and Info Ministers & Service Chiefs also pic.twitter.com/Jr4yd0AIIL

— Presidency Nigeria (@NGRPresident) January 18, 2017

#RannIDPCampBombing:
Pres @MBuhari ,You have failed to demonstrate sensitivity to the grief of your Citizens.We EXPECT MORE from our C-in-C.

— Oby Ezekwesili (@obyezeks) January 18, 2017

#RannIDPCampBombing:
Pres @MBuhari ,You have failed to demonstrate sensitivity to the grief of your Citizens.We EXPECT MORE from our C-in-C.

— Oby Ezekwesili (@obyezeks) January 18, 2017

#RannIDPCampBombing:
Pres @MBuhari ,You have failed to demonstrate sensitivity to the grief of your Citizens. VISIT THE VICTIMS OF RANN NOW.

— Oby Ezekwesili (@obyezeks) January 18, 2017

Big brother Nigeria. Why's she sending troops to The Gambia? What does she stand to gain? When we no get money? Oh well oil is north of $55.

— Mallam Battycash (@Batarhe) January 18, 2017

Nigeria is not playing with Gambia. Warships, fighter jets and troops. If only Buhari showed such commitment at home too

— King (@steveamaza) January 18, 2017

Change is when the President visits disaster zones himself. This is the old way @MBuhari . Same old rubbish! Same nonsense and bullshit! https://t.co/WcPkX6EEPG

— JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) January 18, 2017

What a day. May tomorrow be brighter.