by Cheta Nwanze

The growing (growing?) wave of kidnappings and the general state of insecurity in the north has led not a few of them to relocate to Abuja where it is safe (for now).

One strong argument in favour of retaining this flawed geographical expression is that the various components, within their own limited scopes, have the potential for near fratricidal ventures. The list is almost endless. Since the return of civilian rule we have had the almost endless conundrum in Plateau state. Since the return of civilian rule we have had Ezaa and Eziilo in Ebonyi state. Since the return of civilian rule we have had Ife and Modakeke. Since the return of civilian rule we have had Warri. Since the return of civilian rule we have had Mubi. The list is almost endless, and this weekend, Lorbia, in Bayelsa state, and Wukari in Taraba state took their places at the table. What I find most interesting about these tête a-tête is that they have one shocking little detail in common. Their roots pre-date the British. Take Wukari as an example, a lot of Tiv moved to that area in the 19th Century possibly because of Uthman Dan Fodio’s Jihad, but mainly because of population pressure in their own native homelands. During the same period, a lot of Hausa moved there, definitely because of the Jihad. On getting there, they met the resident Jukun, and in the six or so major conflicts that have happened, we have had Jukun/Tiv alliances against the Hausa, Jukun/Hausa alliances against the Tiv, and Tiv/Hausa alliances against the Jukun. The current festivities have a religious undertone, so the alliance, if any, is likely Jukun/Tiv versus Hausa. The fact however, remains that whatever the alliance, over 100 Nigerians have been kicked, screaming, off the mortal coil. That not one person has ever been brought to justice by a neutral authority in the years including, but not limited to 1910, 1963, 1979, 1990, 1991, 2001, 2002 and 2010, can only mean that the flame will be quenched, but the embers will be left to flicker somewhere until the next time the wind is fanned and the chickens come home to roost.

Speaking of chickens returning home from hunting for their daily corn and following Friday’s whisking away of our former Petroleum Minister, aged 87, a lot of northern big boys are seeking the protection of the men-in-black, or simply running away. The growing (growing?) wave of kidnappings and the general state of insecurity in the north has led not a few of them to relocate to Abuja where it is safe (for now). Sadly though, such a measure is only temporary as when there’s no one left to kidnap up north, well, the demand will as economic trends tend to do, follow the supply. Then what happens? To be honest though, I feel absolutely zero sympathy for the northern leaders as they have brought this down on themselves, what, having spent the last donkey years creating the world’s largest supply of Devil’s Workshops…

Quote of the Day

“As far as I am concerned, the first amnesty was a mistake and a bribe. So since you have given amnesty to one group of people, you must continue to give amnesty to others. Very soon kidnappers will come asking for amnesty, you will give them because you gave others. Very soon pipeline vandals will also come, you will give them amnesty. Very soon, looters of treasuries, like the man who stole the pension fund, will come, you will give them. You give amnesty because you want to buy peace. You can’t buy peace because the peace you bought will never last. If there are signs that Niger-Delta will boil again, it is because you bought the peace there, since you failed to do the right thing.” – Asari Dokubo in a very candid exchange tells us just what the amnesty is. He also went on to tell us that there will be no peace in the country is GEJ doesn’t get a second term.

Bits and bobs

Business Day is sounding the alarm that oil is no longer a reliable source of income for Nigeria. If only our leaders are listening rather than giving new bribes, err, sorry, amnesties.

Meanwhile the chaps who keep the proceeds of amnesty in trust are not too happy with moves to move the money from one dead beneficiary to his family. My take on that, husbands, give your wives your ATM card and the PIN.

After enjoying an ice-cold beer, Timkap paid Ruth the bartender with two slaps. He will spend the next two weeks receiving slaps.

Finally, for those of you who love tales by moonlight, here is one on the ongoing battle in Rivers state.

Right of Reply

Chiagozie Nwonwu wrote (in reply to Godwin Harrison),

Dear Chxta, 
I grew up in the north, so I I do not understand which north Godwin Harrison is referring to. seeing that his name does not tell whether he is a Nigerian or not, I can not say he does not know Nigeria, but he clearly does not know what he is talking about. The average village in the core north is built with a plan in mind and the roads are usually in a grid pattern. It is common to take a turn by your right if you are walking on a northern street, and after taking a left further down, will find that you can get back to the street you were before by making another left turn. 🙂 It is a plus that northern towns and cities have against those in the south. 

Mubarak Oshodi wrote, 

LAW, a good law that is, is a logical derivative of good and sound reasoning.
This case of Turai and Patience is a case of one grabber trying to steal from another thief. Turai, while the husband was on seat, got the large parcel of land for her supposed ” fund draining pet project ” in her personal name, as did her predecessors. That was what we were told. Since the passing of the husband and her consequent inability to embark on the project that was to be funded by the administration of her husband, the land should revert back to the govt. After all, none of them pays for the supposed land with her personal money.They are all greedy thieves.

Chris wrote,

Basically it has been our major challenge in this night mare called nigeria. As regards ur topic, have u tried to flip the coin, and see if its not same machinations of turai making a come back? This is a lady that held this country at ransome in the fatal days of her husband. So using our hindsight, we are compelled to wonder if the land itself is for genuine purpose or just another lawless ruse for bigger drama.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.