What Zimbabwe can learn from Nigeria now that Mugabe is on medical vacation

Barely two years into his four (maybe eight)- year tenure, President Buhari has effectively changed the game of communication for Nigerians. We are bound by threats of punishment to take what we are told as gold. If the President’s people – who he speaks with, by the way – tell us he is great, then he is. The President, we have learnt, only has to talk to us when he wishes to.

President Buhari is just 73 (we use the word “just” loosely and you’ll soon get why) which may explain both our anxiety and our surreal calm under the circumstances.

President Robert Mugabe, the world’s oldest leader who has held on to Zimbabwe for all of 36 years (and counting) has just been flown out of his home country to Singapore for “medical checkup”. The man is 93 years old and like our Buhari, he has a persistent infection that may explain the need for the check up. In Mugabe’s case, it’s an eye, not an ear infection. But we have more in common with our South African neighbours than just a President’s persistent infection.

Now that their President is away and ours has been for over a month (even though, technically, this should have been a 10-day vacation), we can boldly say we have got experience in this and can help them get through the rough and confusing days that lie ahead.

First, the medical workers who have chosen today to begin a strike action over their unpaid bonuses can forget it. Really, just hold off on the protest action till the man gets back. We know this because Nigerians and the Nigerian labour unions chose the first week of President’s vacation to express their grievances on the streets of Lagos and Abuja and all we got from Mr. President was this:

A retweet from the Vice President’s twitter. Surely, no one in Zimbabwe wants to make their work suffer for nothing even remotely related to an acknowledgement from Mr. Mugabe.

There are also rumours making the rounds that President Mugabe may have had to travel to treat prostate cancer. A report that the government spokesman, George Charamba has denied. See, Zimbabweans, we have already told you, just take what they say for the truth. He does not have prostate cancer, alright. If you really have to respond to this, just tell them, “we’ll see if he truly returns in one two weeks”. Don’t worry, there’s a very slim chance he will. Or isn’t he an African President?

Speaking of being an African President, you Zimbabweans need to know you cannot complain about Mr Mugabe spending too much of your money because he has chosen Singapore and not some European country like say the United Kingdom for example and we know his choice is not without reason but still be thankful.

Also, try not to conjure too many theories so that your taxes do not get spent sending legislators to Singapore for photo-ups to prove Mugabe isn’t dead.

In any case, don’t you guys in Zimbabwe already have a President-in-waiting, Grace Mugabe?

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