The  Nigerian Senate resumed today from their seven-week recess and in his welcome speech, Senate President Bukola Saraki made some salient points about the economy and how it can be revived, amongst other things. As it was a pretty lengthy speech, we’ve listed some of the most interesting and noteworthy statements with interjections of how we truly feel about those statements.

1. “I remember trying to explain to my people that this kind of thing (the current economic crisis and its attendant evil) does not happen overnight; that the seeds for the condition we suffer from today must have been planted by past administrations that refused to do what was necessary”

This statement must have come at a time when Senator Saraki fell briefly into a state of forgetfulness. The Saraki dynasty is a part of the past administration, the present but hopefully, not the future. Bukola Saraki was the Governor of Kwara state from 2003 to 2011, so we know he planted a few seeds himself. And is this an attempt at another blame game?

2. “It is clear to me that when people are desperately hungry, what they need is leadership with a clear vision; leadership whose daily actions reflects the very urgency of the people’s condition”

Mr Senate President sir, how about we start by you lot practising the above sermon? How’s that for a change? For one, your salaries do not reflect the hardship of the people so CUT IT. When that’s done, we’ll take you seriously. Next please…

3. “Distinguished colleagues, the simple question for our debate must be; how do we tame the widespread hunger in the land? How do we save our businesses from collapse? How do we save jobs for the majority and create even a lot more?

Here are the answers. Give yourselves up to the EFCC for those who have pending cases, those who allegedly siphoned state funds (including Saraki himself) should return them, those who need to go to jail should pack their bags and then, we’ll continue from there.

4. “The world has come to know Nigeria as a people who have formed a habit of proving naysayers wrong and turning adversity into triumph. Many times experts have quipped that Nigeria is finished, but we come back stronger.”

This is supposed to be encouraging but no, we should all cover our faces in shame.

5.  “This occasion will not be any different. But it will not happen by a slogan!”

Is the Senate President throwing jabs at the #ChangeBeginsWithMe campaign? Of course, he is and this feels so good. We refuse to chant useless slogans while we’re led into damnation.

6. “My expectation is that by the time we are done with our debate, we should make key actionable recommendations to the Executive on what this chamber sees as the way forward in the immediate, mid-term and long-term solutions to this economic situation.”

We reckon this debate will take ages considering today’s session lasted only three hours. These people are just not serious. If the economic situation really mattered to the Senate, they would take the bull by the horn.

7. “I do not think anybody in this chamber has gone through more political persecution than myself since the inception of this government but i will be the last to fold my arms and say that the current economic problem is not my problem. No, it is.”

Yes, it is. And none of the political persecution is undeserved so this pity party is nowhere near appealing.

8. “Distinguished colleagues, we cannot afford further distraction and fixation to politics that would not and does not add food on the table of our people, or add one mega-watt of electricity to our grid. Everywhere you go, there is hunger in our land and our people want solutions to their problems.”

Literally everywhere you go except the homes of Senate and House of reps members.

9. “We will be relying on your courage, bi-partisan spirit, endurance, personality, long hours of plenary sitting that could sometime last into the night if necessary, diligent oversight and prompt committee reporting.”

Isn’t this what they call medicine after death? This is all of why you were voted in in the first place? Add a renewed mentality and selflessness to that list, by the way. And for sittings that could last into nights, we’ll see.