Hello Mark,

I bet you woke up, naturally checked your phone for updates, and then saw the credit alert. You had just been credited with $1.2m. I bet that’s how it was. Your Hotels.ng has secured $1.2million from international investors – Omidyar Network and EchoVC.

I want to use this medium to congratulate on your added net worth which has risen to $4million, which is like N796,000,000.

Wow! That’s a whole lot of dough.

It is a known fact that successful people are more often than not surrounded by intelligent people who give them advice. So here I am, adding myself to that list

Firstly, I noticed you are an Efik man, either from Cross river or Akwa Ibom, which practically means you are my kinsman and fits perfectly into what I’m looking for. I would opine that we have something together and by that I mean we get married. Marrying from the same roots helps foster the bond and makes the tie stronger.

Marrying me has more advantages than disadvantages because I’m an asset you wouldn’t want to lose. Apart from the fact that I’m educated and have exceptional business skills, I could help you grow your business to where you least expect it.

If we get married, you would also be helping my family. You know they say give and take rules the world. I have two brothers that are almost done with University and as you know securing a very lucrative job is very hard to come by, so it would be nice if you would help them secure good positions in your organization. Having family in business will also help it grow.

So back to how I will help you grow your business. My ex can attest to the skills that I can offer. I remember when he did a huge contract and got a profit of N30million. Yeah, I know its small compared to what you have but it was a big money to us. We had to sit down and plan well on how to multiply the money.

Unfortunately, the money was squandered because he didn’t listen to me. You men are stubborn and hardly listen to other people’s opinion. I told him we could make more money if he invested it but he was so stubborn saying he can’t put that huge amount of money on investments but rather chose to buy a new car with it.

I also told him to let’s take a vacation in the Bahamas or somewhere nice, again he chose not to listen to me and spent it all in the club. He wanted to show his parents love and decided to give them cash. I begged him to get us land to build a house, but he disagreed.
With this new found wealth, Mark, we could go to Vegas get married. Go to the Caribbean for Honeymoon, have some fun, and make some babies *WINK.

We can shop for anything and everything, you know, I get designer wears, shoes, bags and all. Get a luxurious ride, not too familiar with cars but maybe something like Porsche, Ferrari, Lamborghini and so on.

Now that you are richer, please marry me, Mark!

Love,

Janet

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This post is intended to be a stab at satire. Please do not let your veins pop out in the comment section.