by Carmen Chong
Get over yourself because nobody wants to be updated about your stops throughout the day which includes five visits to the public restroom, your workplace and the traffic light at the T-junction nearby your home. Thanks, nobody really cares.
1. The Crank – Aren’t we all familiar with that one person who doesn’t use Facebook for anything else except to rant, complain and to bitch about other people? We really don’t need you to dampen our already mediocre day and yes, we’re heading for the “Unsubscribe” button very soon.
2. The Persistent Inviter – “Support my cause to save Mother Earth!” “Melissa wants you to join her in Candy Crush Saga.” If we’ve turned you down once, shouldn’t you already get the hint? Don’t make us find the need to personally drop you a message telling you, “WE’RE NOT INTERESTED.”
3. The TMI Blabbermouth – Marriage problems? Your baby’s poop consistency? A severe rash on your bum? All these things should only be kept to yourself. Would you want to know if someone has a bad case of Chlamydia? I think not. Please have some discretion and decency over what you share on Facebook.
4. The Self-obsessed Bodybuilder – We don’t despise anyone who wants to look good and keep themselves healthy by working out. But all your half-naked selfies in the album titled, “My Workout Progress” just turns us off completely and screams vain and … well, just vain. All the hots we had for your amazing body is now down the drain.
5. The Know-It-All – These hard-headed people go around forcing their two cents worth on everything other people say, and then pissing the crap out of everyone. They are also usually the ones caught in an online dispute and are highly detested by everyone else. Why can’t you let other people have their own say? Just shut up for goodness sake.
6. The Awful Grammarian – If your English is dreadful, please do not post snarky comments or seemingly insightful opinions you try to shove down other people’s throats. We’ll never be able to take you seriously and to tell you the truth, it takes a lot for us to resist from becoming snobby spelling and grammar Nazis on Facebook.
7. The Annoying Town Crier – “Amy Winehouse is dead!!!” “An earthquake just erupted in Japan!” These people are the reason why we learn breaking news from social media and not from the television or newspapers. In their need to be the first to broadcast the news, most of the time they do not verify its validity and spread half-truths.
8. The Extreme Location Sharer – Get over yourself because nobody wants to be updated about your stops throughout the day which includes five visits to the public restroom, your workplace and the traffic light at the T-junction nearby your home. Thanks, nobody really cares.
9. The Sympathy Decoy – “Clarissa is feeling sad today.” “Courtney could use a hug right now.” People who post these statuses are like fishermen casting their nets for fish, wishing to land concerned responses to feel validated by their peers. We know that these bad news are genuine sometimes, but when you do it over and over again, they turn into worthless posts vying for attention.
10. The Excessive Updater – One minute you’re sharing a disgusting video of a 15-year old blackhead being removed, and the next minute comes five consecutive posts about the hot breakout star from an upcoming movie. You won’t be able to miss them because they post all the time on every freaking thing they do and that’s in addition to all the nonsensical junk they share. Don’t you have a life?
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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.