by Jill Smokler

 ….I think I deserve the opportunity to put my underwear back on and roll over to go to sleep while he has to get his ass up to clean himself. 

Ever wonder what really goes on behind the bedroom doors of your friends and neighbors? It is Fifty Shades or Married With Children or somewhere in between?

Taking a look through my Scary Mommy Confessions always offers some great insight into the real lives of moms. Here are 10 of my favorite sex-related confessions …

1. Shaved it all off last night and now I can’t stop scratching my crotch. Plus, I look like I’m 9. Whoops.

2. Considering telling DH that I will perform the sex act of his choice once a week if he will let me hire a maid to clean once a week.

3. DH working out of town now … I can finally sleep naked in peace without him thinking it’s an invitation.

4. We used rock-paper-scissors to decide who had to go on top. #tiredsex

5. I would like to know where my 5-year-old hid my dildo, but I have no idea how to even approach that conversation.

6. I make DH wear condoms sometimes. Not for birth control, but for the sheer fact that I think I deserve the opportunity to put my underwear back on and roll over to go to sleep while he has to get his ass up to clean himself.

7. DH and I are frumpy, middle-aged, and not much to look at, but dang do we have the most awesome sex!

8. My husband told me my vagina looks bigger. Uh, yeah, it’s called childbirth. I told him that next time his d__k looks small, I’d be sure to point it out.

9. My husband bought me a vibrator as he thought it would make me more sexual towards him. No, it just made him unnecessary.

10. Just had marathon drunken sex with DH, and neither one of us finished. Would’ve saved a lot of time and effort if we would’ve gone to sleep instead.

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Read this article in The Stir

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.