by Ogonna Ezepue

   ”What a shocker when I found out that the macho man is a movie character and the normal non-macho guys fill our world. ”

Every girl knows the macho man (at least the version that Hollywood feeds us). He’s the strong, emotionless guy who finds it hard to express his feelings to the woman he loves, he is an aggressive lover, gorgeous and full of those sweet words that make our toes curl. We were taught to love him and unconsciously, we began to expect every guy to fit his description. What a shocker when I found out that the macho man is a movie character and the normal non-macho guys fill our world. So, here are some tips for the girl who suddenly falls in love with a non-macho guy but is confused on how to handle it because he defies the Hollywood logic she has come to trust:

1. Know that if he says he loves you, he actually does.

Yeah, I know. You’ve learnt to distrust all guys and rightly so. Some have proven to be a lot like their Hollywood characters-liars, cheats and hopelessly eager to do anything to get into your pants. So, I understand your hesitation. But if your guy is non-macho, then odds are he’s telling you the truth when he says he loves you. Non-macho guys can’t deal with all that drama. They won’t lead you on if they’re not into you and they won’t struggle to hide it if they are.

2. Know that he’s always going to respect your decision.

Always. Even the ones you wanted him to refute. It doesn’t mean he’s not crazy about you. Ironically, he’s just too crazy about you and knows that one way to show love is respect. He isn’t into all that manipulating crap. Forget all the crap you read on the internet. Always wanting to have his way is not a sign of masculinity. Be straight with this guy. Say Yes if you mean Yes and No if you mean No.

3. Don’t expect him to cheat on you.

All men cheat. Yeah, yeah. I read that B.S too. I won’t say the article lied, I would just assume the writer was referring to the macho men. I can understand that. I would expect Hollywood’s man to cheat on me too (after all, he knows I expect it). It’s a simple case of self-fulfilling prophecy. But with a non-macho man, you can expect- you won’t even have to demand- a faithful, loving relationship.

4. Know that he’s always going to express his feelings to you.

No, he’s not a weakling. He just believes that an open relationship requires communication and a clear expression of one’s feeling. That’s what you always wanted right? Someone who would really listen to you and actually take out time to talk out things with you. But now that you’ve got it, you’re scared and wonder if this guy is not too womanly. Keep calm, lady. You really can have all that.

5. Don’t always expect him to knock senseless the idiot who just insulted you.

He might, if he’s able to. But what if he’s not? Do you really want him to get beaten up or enter into a torrent of words with some sleazebag for no major assault? I doubt it. You have to believe that he’ll actually stand up for you, if and when it’s really necessary like when your life’s in danger. Don’t go expecting him to knock out any guy that stands in your path for too long. That’s not an exhibition of strength. That’s childish aggression.

6. Don’t expect him to always have the right words.

All girls love the sleek, humorous types. Me, too. You know the type that’s able to use wine, stars, eyes and love in one sentence and make it sound good. It’s great if your non-macho guy has this adorable gift. But if he doesn’t, don’t sweat it. Appreciate his bland I-love-you’s, at least they’re genuine. Or if you’re really into exotic, you could encourage him to watch a lot of Hollywood movies, he could borrow one or two sweet words from Mr.Macho.

7. Don’t expect to have a movie-like relationship

With the non-macho guy, you’re going to have a normal relationship. It’s not going to be a movie-like one full of one-liners, heart-breaks and fake love-professions. He’s not going to sleep with your sister, then come back with a repentant gorgeous face and say how he totally regrets his decision, how he was immature and how you are the girl he loves. Nope…that’s not normal. Normal is that you’re going to have arguments-big ones, small ones. You’re going to wonder if you both are actually compatible. But normal is also that you’re going to wade through all that and come up with a healthier relationship, if you persist.

8. Know that he’s not perfect.

I had to put this here to avoid claims that I’m describing a perfect guy. News Flash: I’m not. The non-macho guy is not perfect and he exists. He’s not a fairytale guy or Jesus-perfect but he sure can love like Jesus does with some lapses in judgment that prove he’s still human.

I know my article is going to generate a lot of backlash but hey, if screenwriters can devise up a macho-man nonsense and producers spend a ton of money making it into a movie, why can’t I write a 700-word article that gets published online for free to refute their claims?

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Ogonna Ezepue is a graduate of Economics from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. She tweets from @Miz_Feddie

30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija