I don’t counsel under the shield of religion. I don’t tell you not to do it until you are married because I know you are already doing it, so I speak more about how to be safe doing it and how to be honest with who you are doing it with, and because of this I have helped many people stop feeling guilty, ashamed or like a failure.

Whenever I introduce myself in that manner I begin to feel that I am in a whatever anonymous meeting and I am met with the same look I imagine someone who first confesses to their parent they are other than they expect gets. I usually follow this by saying all I do is theory and no practical because the next question generally from the men is to find out if I can ‘counsel their sex’, the women tend to look intrigued but wary.

I decided on my vocation not because of a light descending on my head, but because I have always been curious. I found out about sex not through my parents teaching me about the birds and the bees (I still don’t understand what that all means anyways) but because I began reading books that were too old for me too early and wanted to find out what words like orgasm meant, and what was so great about the Karma Sutra. Although I had an unfortunate experience in my youth and add that to the fact that I was being chased by men twice my age by the time I was 13, I just had to wonder, what all the fuss about sex is!

I found out what it was about, not through over practice, but through my vocation. I realized that sex for some is about pleasure, real or perceived, for other it’s about comfort for a few power and/or punishment and for many other something to do when they are bored.  So if this was it why all the fuss, why the tears and the emotions, and that was when I truly found out, that for the vast majority sex is a way of defining themselves.

Through my practice I have learnt to listen, use words, communicate on a verbal and non verbal level, sympathize and empathize, understand and try to give someone clarity or closure more so than the mechanics of the act (though I do discuss with clients who are looking to have a better engineered sex life, give them tips).

I once had someone say that I should be ashamed of myself for talking about sex in public and letting everybody think I was ‘that type of girl’, and I laughed because short of the immaculate conception every woman is that ‘type of girl’ and every man ‘that type of guy’, and because of that sex should be enjoyed, not endured and I am here to make sure whatever is blocking that enjoyment is removed.

I don’t counsel under the shield of religion. I don’t tell you not to do it until you are married because I know you are already doing it, so I speak more about how to be safe doing it and how to be honest with who you are doing it with, and because of this I have helped many people stop feeling guilty, ashamed or like a failure.

I have helped young people realize that their sexuality whatever that might be does NOT make them a bad or evil person

I have helped people who suffered abuse realize that the fault is not theirs but that of the abuser.

I have helped marriages and relationships where sex was becoming more the issue than the relationship itself stabilize and once in a while I have taught a few people how to have really great sex and just enjoy it, while being safe of course!

I’m Pink Mafia and I’m a Sex Counselor!

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Adunola Ajuwon is a university educated media and cultural studies graduate who also holds a Masters degree. I have had numerous experiences in observing, evaluating and assessing sex and its cultural impact on families, relationships and self esteem.

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30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians to share their stories and experiences with other young Nigerians, within our borders and beyond, to inspire and motivate them.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.