The #DSPAlams saga is still on the front burner. Yesterday, Professional Protesters moaned about it and complained (seemingly) bitterly. “We still wonder what message the National Council of state is sending to Nigerians if at the height of unprecedented corruption in the country those prosecuted and jailed for stealing public money are granted state pardon,” harrumphed PP French-suit, Abdulwahed Omar, while miles away, #DSPAlams posed for a new passport preparatory to his first UK visa application in eight years.

But let’s go on a limb here. One wonders why the PPs are making so much noise on this issue. As it is, it was common knowledge before the deed was done that the Prez was making plans to make it illegal to call #DSPAlams an ex-con, and no one made so much as a sound about it. Brings to the fore the vexed issue of whether Nigerians are a proactive or a reactive people. Reading the hullabaloo that has followed the whole saga, well, I guess you have your answer.

In any event, it must be pointed out that the whole #DSPAlams thing was just an exercise in abuse of power, and lack of thoroughness  Why, in order to appeal to the spectre of “Federal Character”, the Prez ended up pardoning some fellas who had been pardoned fourteen years ago. Well, what we now know, is that fellas like Cry Baby Diya et al, who had been sentenced to death by the Dark Goggled one half a generation ago, have now been double washed with hyssop, and are now so dazzling bright that methinks one of them should run for Prez in 2015.

In other news, #DoyinOkupe, eager to get in on the act, has as usual attempted to steal the thunder in the whole shindig by telling us that “#DSPAlams is crucial to the Nigerian economy.” Gott in Himmel!!!

But let us not be unfair to #DSPAlams. The facts on the table make it quite plain that he is not the first person in this dear land of ours to get away with murder as it were. Why, a former governor of one of Nigeria’s richest states did manage to get himself a court order that makes it illegal for anyone, anywhere, in this dear land of ours, to take him to court. Thus it is that Don Odili could (in theory at least), come and force one of your daughters, age 10, to work in a brothel, and you would find yourself powerless, by law, to do anything about it. Other, lesser dons than Don Odili make use of such tools such as frivolous adjournments, plea bargains, etc, to keep themselves out of court. But you see, such arrangements cost them money. Don Odili’s arrangment, came at a one time cost. Now, note the difference between being the capo di tutti capi, and being, well, just a don. The House of Reps are moving against frivolous adjournments, plea bargains, etc. But they dare not move against perpetual injunctions.

Yes, the state of our courts, and police should be quite high on the agenda of our gavels. As it is, you can be detained ad infinitum by the police, and only get a court order for your release after three years as Ogbeide Oyekhire has found out. The only problem I see is that since our courts have proved so spectacularly that they lack the powers to enforce their own orders, one wonders if Mr. Oyekhire would be savouring the sweetness of Lagos traffic any time soon. In any event, he should simply thank his stars that he was not raped while he was being held. A woman in Delta state suffered that indignity. She was arrested for fighting with her neighbour, got raped in detention, and the next day, when her hubby came to bail her out, he was detained for good measure.

Bits and bobs

Deputy Speaker Valentine Okike, of the Ebonyi State House of Assembly, has been suspended for, among other sins, wearing boxer shorts.

Usman Gula and Hadijia Gamboa were among assorted officials who welcomed the Prez to Borno when he sashayed there last week. For that oversight, they have been dispatchedby #BokoHaram.

Rahman, the okada rider, proved too much for the cops at Akowonjo to arrest; but not for the speeding container truck.

Victoria, 10 years old in 2005, needed some encouragement to get on with her new job at a brothel in Ikeja; so madam got 4 boys.

There has been a quiet confra war going on in Lagos for two and a half years or thereabouts now. The latest instalment took place two nights ago.

Right of reply

Godwin Harrison wrote, in reply to Tosin from yesterday,

I find Tosins email infuriating to say the least! What the hell! Please ask him to give me one good reason why I should work hard and be honest, when I can steal from my friends, family and employers and be awarded chieftaincy titles by my kinsmen and be assured of a presidential pardon if I am ever caught and convicted. When my wife who can barely construct a sentence in English can rise to the highest office in the civil service simply by sitting at home. When it takes 6 months to charge me to court after I was caught red handed taking bribes. When I can cavort with terrorists without risk of arrest or prosecution. When I can steal billions of naira and pay less than a million in fines. When I can make an oil tanker disappear from a naval dockyard without the slightest trace. When I can get a court to issue an order perpetually restraining the police from ever prosecuting me. How can one justify striving to live an honest life in a country like Nigeria?

Warmest Regards

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.