Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social issues, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. Here are the ones we saw today:

Important first date question: What’s your ideal AC temperature? Mine is between 16-20 degree Celsius. Anything outside that range we are opting for long distance relationship🤝.

— Glory Osei (@glory_osei) August 20, 2019

Marriage is not a get Rich Scheme. Your husband money is not your Money, your wife’s Money is not your Money. Make your own Money.

— Adenikeodubawo (@adenikeodubawo) August 20, 2019

OK.

Writing is mostly a waste of time. Well, it is lunacy. The only thing I learned from writing is to never write for a living. You will most likely die of kwashiorkor. Stop writing. Get a real job. Walmart is hiring. Good night.

— Ikhide R. Ikheloa (@ikhide) August 20, 2019

I don’t understand how you expect me to cook for you because it’s my “duty” as a woman but when I ask you to send me $$$ I’m a hoe/gold digger? If you want me to patriarch for you, you’d better be willing to drop some patriarchy money. Am I a joke to you?

— Ada Nwoke (@okemzuruoke) August 20, 2019

Future headline:

O-Pay disrupts the police

O-lopa

*hides*

— Editi Effiòng (@EditiEffiong) August 20, 2019

With all the weird names we have seen and heard people give their kids, i am surprised i haven’t seen anyone named “wonderful” yet 🤔

— Zaddypeng (@zaddypeng) August 19, 2019

When ordering takeaway in a restaurant, always ask for one portion. However, when the server is finished, say, “Actually I’d like a second portion.” This forces them into matching the size of the first portion, which tends to be bigger, since it was for a single plate.

— YG: Blvck Apron (@SamuelOtigba) August 20, 2019

Too much sense