Ify Aniebo: Chivalry is dead and Nigerian women killed it (30 Days, 30 Voices)

Ify aniebo (Photo credit:

Show me your champagne bottle and nice car and I’ll show you my ass and all things soft and nice.

Chivalry is dead I say…and Nigerian women killed it. You might be wondering why I feel this way, please allow me recount an incident which I know is a common occurrence in today’s society.

Recently, one of my bootilicious friends gave a presentation to a company committee made up of men in their 50s and early 60s. Her presentation was met with positivity as well as stares at her assets rather than at the slides she used to pitch her proposal. As she left the building, one of the committee members sent his very educated female personal assistant to catch up with her to ask for her number as he was interested in making her his mistress. She narrated this story to me with complete normalcy and was taken aback by the shock and disbelief on my face.

I said stuttering: “H-o-w? Has he no shame?”

Her response was: “Babe, its normal.”

“Normal? NORMAL?!” I responded in a raised voice. At this point I lowered my voice so as not to continue the scene that had already been created in the café.

When did it become okay for married men to chase after girls their daughter’s age? When did all this become normal? Why does a married man feel so comfortable chasing after a young woman as though he is entitled to do so?  So I say again, chivalry is dead, but who died first—the gentleman or the lady? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? What are the implications on society of this kind of behaviour? The moral question and the chain reaction it causes must be understood and answered for our generation to move forward. It all starts with US, ‘US’ being my fellow women.

Our society’s moral decay has been catalyzed by the materialistic twist our generation has taken which is further perpetrated by the media.  Sadly, our women have bought into it. Our ladies today do not know who they are. Unfortunately, they are victims and simultaneously the product of TV and the media without a personality to call their own or a sense of self. One would wonder if God didn’t create us with unique finger prints.

These ladies go on to form cliques of non-thinking individuals who further aspire to all the media says they should be.  In the chase to express superficial excess as opposed to inner wealth, they do all they can to keep up.

Herein comes the guy; our society produces boys not men, boys who know how to speak the language of shortcut and ladies who understand this language as well, and are more than receptive. Show me your champagne bottle and nice car and I’ll show you my ass and all things soft and nice. Today’s boys believe by all means money has to be made. Money brings the girls, the cars and the clothes. Our society has turned to one of clones. Once we were all bankers, then we went in to telecoms, diverted into ‘yahoo-yahoo’, now we all sell diesel and make music, yet we say ‘Nigeria is bad’, ‘Nigeria is terrible’ but does Nigeria stand a chance in the hands of our generation of clones?

Materialism is the killer of morality and morality is the oxygen of a healthy society. Without it we can’t breathe. Sadly once you get on the ‘follow- follow’ train it never stops – it’s all about who gets married first, what is his family name, how much does he make, have you had kids, do you have a son and it goes on and on.

Breathe my people, breathe. Chivalry is dead and the Nigerian woman watched it die. We as women control society; we are more than homemakers—WE MAKE SOCIETY. Let’s imagine if ladies in secondary school and university only dated the smart guys who spent their time in the library, it would be safe to say the library would overflow: A-students would triple and men in general would spend more time with their books in a bid to develop themselves internally, as opposed to external ‘bling’ to bait women as though they were trying to catch fish.

Ladies if we demanded class, decorum, humility, etiquette and politeness as a prerequisite to a liaison rather than outward riches, designer surnames and fast cars we might cease to go nowhere fast. Sadly on what basis can we make such demands? Aside from your long Brazilian hair, designer bags and red carpet looks, who are you. WHO ARE YOU??!!

To answer this question, life should be lived as a journey of self-discovery as opposed to a media determined fake reality. The knowledge of self, your true self will show you self-worth. Self-worth will support morals and morals will allow our society breathe again.

Breathe my people, breathe.


 About the author: Ify is the glamorous scientist. 

Editor’s note: Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.


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Comments (19)

  1. Wonderful article. We have given away that which is holy for that which is temporary and fleeting. I live in north America i had no idea these hollow european influences had such a dreadful reach. You are correct the only way out of this quandary is self- definition based on reality, what we choose to become rather than mimicking the deathstyles assumed by dead, lost people who know not themselves. Be blessed.

  2. this girl makes sense all the time and she is so beautiful. abeg i want to marry you ify. can you be my wife?

  3. Ify is not removed from reality, don't even want to think of what informed that thought. It was a brilliant article (sadly, all truth) by an equally brilliant and pleasant lady. 'Denial' is one of the major reasons Nigeria won't get better anytime soon, we're all too busy massaging our egos to tell ourselves the truth.

  4. Ify thanks for this brilliant piece, However I tend to disagree with you in some aspect. Men are part of the problems these days. A situation whereby supposedly responsible and often times married men use their economic powers and positions to take advantage of young girls who see survival in the present day Nigeria- no thanks to bad leadership- as a tall order should be questioned and condemned. How do we explain lecturers that fail students purposely to give STDs-sexually transmitted degree? Or a business owner who insist on sleeping with a girl to give her a job in his growing firm,knowing she needs money to help her orphan siblings out of high school, at the very least? It definitely is amoral you would say but trust me it takes grace of God and strong commitment to have thick moral fibre in Nigeria today. A country where 67million youths are unemployed while some few can sleep with a girl and give her a house in any low cost housing estate meant for civil servant but dubiously alloted to him by his croonies. A country where corruption is a way of life! My point is that some girls do some things out of sacrifice for survival- and that's why we should blame the men in this circumstance- while the champagne girls show/give the soft and nice part of their bodies out of greed which is a disgrace to womanhood . I think there should be a distinction so that we can address this growing inequality that as left millions at the mercy of a selected few thus making Good girls turn Bad by the hour. If we stop having free money all these champagne boys/men will reduce and those champagne loving long throat girls will understand the meaning of the word: there is dignity in labour. Let us demand good leadership and most ills (not all) in the society will be corrected #Nice read girl#

  5. Ify: u didn't mince words here & I luv u 4 dat. It quite an unfortunate state dat beats my imagination. All d same, i wish every lady reads dis lets see hw we ressurect Chivarly. Am glad ladies like dis still exists. Its gives hope. Nice article!

  6. Thanks ify for this piece…The noble qualities of a knight we as women supposed to have, such as courage,gallantry etc has been dead long ago. I hope the ladies concerned reads this and have a rethink.

  7. “отличный пример стоящего материала”

  8. very very on point.much as most of us love to flash d cash n cars,its my opinion dat we guys hardly respect d girl dazzled by d flash.a woman shud b respectd,sadly most guys now cant even wrap their minds around that.if u think chilvary is western then u just dont get it.did ur religion start in nigeria?

  9. Well Uds, contrary to what u think, it isn't Western at all. Go and ask our parents, chivalry ws the order of the day. Every woman's dream ws to marry a warrior, not necessarily a rich man. It was a society of 'who you are', not 'what do you have'

    Well done Ify, brilliant piece

  10. okay, whoever Ify is, I love her for this! God bless you dear!!!!!! Thank God a few women still think like this. Our society is in a very sad state, I tell you.

  11. Nice one Ify! Quite unfortunate many people in d category above won't read it!

  12. @uds, i do not think this piece is out of touch with reality, as a guy i would say growing up in secondary school and undergrad, we tried and learned cheesy jokes to make a woman laugh it was about personality, in clubs we tried to have conversations, women were not so easily won over…. the word chivalry also implies the way and respect men have for women…like it or not in our parents days, guys were not putting champagne bottles in girls faces expecting "I’ll show you my ass and all things soft and nice"

  13. Beautiful, beautiful….this society is plunging further into nothingness esp our young ladies, which I'm one of them(sadly). The truth is, you cannot live in denial of what the trend(fashion) is but in all these, how do u separate yourself from the chaff? Who are you? Your values, your morals, orientation, dignity, etc. Today's Ladies and gentlemen breathe and reboot!!!!!!!!!

  14. Nice hair you have there, is it brazilian?

  15. Wole, I certainly have to agree with you on dis one. Fantastic article Ify. As women, as men, as citizens in Nigeria, we all should strive to grow ourselves and ensure we have depth, in our thinking, speaking and doing. Its a case of garbage in, garbage out. Thumbs up Ify

  16. This author is out of touch with Nigeria. Chivalry is a western concept that we never practiced in our country. Get real.

  17. Jesus, Ify nailed it…she's REAL!She understands something very basic that befuddles a lot of her kin in Nigeria now!

    I'd like Ify's twitter handle if she has one! I think she should be running a school and teaching simpletons! Beautiful article…

    1. i agree with you wole men i follow her on twitter. she is quite different. its @ifyaniebo. she hardly tweets a lot though but i always look fwd to her tweets lol

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail