Nse Ikpe-Etim: It’s an illusion – Girl does not NEED boy (30 Days, 30 Voices)

Popart UK

The books and movies don’t tell you that sometimes boy is evil and girl gets her heart handed to her in a million pieces.

As I sit to write, the song playing in my head is Cat Steven’s “First cut is the deepest” but in my case, it was my second.

So I can say my second was the hardest. Oh! How naïve I was. I look back now and I can’t help but laugh at my 17 year old self, a young winner of the Miss UNICAL contest, so silly and so in love. Who would’ve have guessed that in five short months I would hurt in ways I didn’t think possible.

When I met number two, I was just about done waiting for my ‘Prince Charming’. For the greater part of a decade, I had read a thousand books and watched a hundred films, majority of which peddled the same fairy tale; girl needs boy. And so when he walked up to me in “Jaerian” the local restaurant opposite school, I saw a confident, well dressed guy with a killer smile. What I should’ve seen was a philandering playboy with not so noble intentions.

The books and movies don’t tell you that sometimes boy is evil and girl gets her heart handed to her in a million pieces. No, they don’t sell reality. They also don’t say that sometimes girl is clever and can afford a life whether or not, boy comes along. The first few weeks with number two went just as I had been conditioned to expect. He said the sweetest words and did the nicest things. Everything was perfect, abi? Wrong! I ignored the stolen glances at other girls. It also wasn’t a problem that my boyfriend was insanely popular among the female population of the University of Calabar. He was a boy and I a girl… end of story.

One boyfriend had become two, three, four and five. As the numbers piled up, I searched even more frantically. They said a woman’s greatest accomplishment is bagging a man and I wanted to accomplish. What a laugh! One fateful day, after the umpteenth heartbreak and the failure of my tear buds to oblige me with a mere drop, it hit me. Here I was; girl with a degree, a job that paid the bills and a roof over my head, what exactly was boy needed for? Somehow without boy I had managed to amass life’s bare necessities and the odd indulgence or two. What was this extra spice boy bringing to the pot of soup? Is it possible that I had been hoodwinked? Wait, was the fairer sex merely chasing an illusion?

As girls and young women, all through our foundation years we are told, taught and prodded into believing the world’s greatest lie “girl needs boy to validate her existence”. Now don’t misunderstand me or on second thoughts please do, but before you nail me to a cross, first hear me out. Perhaps, I and a billion others should have been told instead “girl deserves a good boy to be her partner”. That way I would know not to share “Judas’” bed praying he magically transforms into “Peter” before the day breaks. Girl does not NEED boy, but if girl finds a good boy then girl and boy find happiness and vice versa.

And so I’ve decided if I ever have a little girl I will tell her my own version of society’s great premise. I will tell her it is okay to be strong, passionate, ambitious and driven. It is okay to make your own name in this world and not sit around waiting for a boy to grant you the honour of being his “mrs”. I will tell her if this boy is good he will not be intimated by your success but rather impressed and quite flattered that you see him worthy to come into your life. And if fate hands me a little boy instead, I’ll tell him this “if you find a girl who thinks she needs you, son run. Look instead for the girl who is fine all by herself but better with you”.  My son will compliment a woman, not complete her.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.

Comments (11)

  1. Nice piece, so true!

  2. Be warned!
    Halima Faliliat and http://www.softxchanger.com are fraudsters, thieves, 419, fraudsters and scammers.
    When you open the various accounts and the transfer from your Liberty Reserve account to Perfect money through http://www.softxchanger.com, the transfer will never hit your perfect money account, whereas they would have debited your Liberty reserve.
    They are thieves, 419, fraudsters, scammers and Halima Faliliat is their chief agent spreading the advert message of these fraudsters that will never see anything good in their life!
    See full details here on how these scammers defrauded me. http://softesxchanger.blogspot.com/

    These are some other people who have also been defrauded by these people:
    I had just been scammed by www. softxchange. webs. com, i got on their website hxxp: www. electro-xchange. page. tl they said they are sorry cuz they have been moved their server to www. fast-goldex. com on getting there I found myself on www. softxchange. webs. com with same home page of www. electro-xchange. page. tl , i guess they just change the web address cuz they been reported in the past and to fool new comers. they got my $100, i started with $15 but they said they are sorry I have to make it a minimum of $50 then I sent another $35 they later said I have to send the $50 in one enrty which I did and my money total at $100. ever since then I been sending mails but no response, someone introduce me to the site from this forum, here is his email address [email protected] com and his blog is hxxp: free-dollar-biz. webs. com. I wonder why they keep saying that nigerians are the scammers while the whites are scamming us, i had same encounter with genius fund and stable interest, people should just beware of all this online business. http://www.nigerianbestforum.com/index.php?topic=

    See full details here on how these scammers defrauded me. http://softesxchanger.blogspot.com/

    Oladapo Gbolahan Oluwadare Please don't fall for this people. It is a scam! I did it some months back and I was really burnt. Don't fall for this please! You have been warned!
    See full details here on how these scammers defrauded me. http://softesxchanger.blogspot.com/

  3. Lovely piece…. This is wat we ought teach our kids, especially the girls! I particularly love this statement; "I will tell her if this boy is good he will not be intimated by your success but rather impressed and quite flattered that you see him worthy to come into your life." Our sons shld know their role also… I’ll tell him this “if you find a girl who thinks she needs you, son run. Look instead for the girl who is fine all by herself but better with you”. My son will compliment a woman, not complete her.
    Beautiful write up dear.

  4. Who knew Nse was such a great writer? I'm positively wowed! I totally agree with everything she's said…I do not need a BOY to validate my existence.

  5. I LOVE this! Society keeps giving us an unrealistic view on things and expects you not to challenge it.

  6. beautiful.beautiful.i love this.

  7. Flawless. I love this. Always something, this Nse.

    Maybe I should check out the remaining '30 voices' now.

  8. I luv dis writup, and its true, girl needs a boy dat will compliement her and she him.

  9. I love this!!!!!

  10. we r nt doubtin dat man or boy dos nt nid a girl, bt we ar nt desperat in nid of dm neither do dm.hw a man nid woman is also d same a woman nid man

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail