It’s fantastic how tables can turn and how narratives can swerve in the most unprecedented ways! Our list of losers and winners for last week is nothing like we’ve seen before, for the simple reason being, our frequent losers have now gained victory while some of our all-time winners…well, you get the picture.
But this is change, we like it and we’re excited to present our winners and losers from the week that just went by:
Our collective nightmare turned reality: “It’s not possible, Donald Trump could never win the US presidential election”, “I’m with her, Hillary is set to shatter the glass ceiling” etc. Meanwhile, life lurked in one corner smirking at all of us. America disappointed herself and New York businessman, Donald J. Trump, famous for hating Muslims and grabbing p__ys is the president-elect of the United States. Though he didn’t win by popular votes but the electoral college, what still stands is that Americans made their choice and we doubt if these non-stop post-election protests and violence is going to change that. Hail The Donald!
Not at all crooked but very gracious Hillary: “But she lost the election” you say. Well, she earned a well-deserved victory hours later when she gave that concession speech that shot straight through to the core of our souls and changed our lives forever. “We will not grow weary in doing good, for in good season, we shall reap”. Thanks to the best president America never had.
Barack Obama: Here’s a man who gave eight years of what stands as arguably one of the most unforgettable tenures of American presidency. While many may disagree with his policies, he provided the most relatable Presidency, all the while, never taking himself too seriously. A very accessible White House, a relaxed working environment for staff, a First Lady that will forever serve as a model for young, black women and a Vice President that’s got positive sass and attitude. It hardly matters who President Barack Obama hands over to, he has won, at least for us. We’re not sure if the man feels the same way judging from his expression in this photo.
Emmanuella: Mark Angel Comedy was awarded the Most Subscribed creator in Nigeria at the first African YouTube Awards which held on Friday night in South Africa. As we know, 6 year old Emmanuella is the naturally hilarious star of the comedy skits. So, we see this as an Emmanuella recognition award for the great job the kid puts in each time. Well done, child!
“Prophet” T.B Joshua, CAN, Jimoh Ibrahim, Wole Soyinka et al: All the Nigerian jesters re the US elections deserve to be packed in one. For the prophet who “saw” a woman winning at the election, Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) for misrepresenting christians in Nigeria by declaring the Trump win God-ordained (you have to be out of your minds, y’all), Wole Soyinka for postponing the grand destruction of his Green card (we’re still waiting) and the clown of the circus, Jimoh Ibrahim for looking forward to working with Trump to move Ondo state forward (Ondo what?). A mighty pack of losers, these ones.
And Oh governor Fayose, sorry to bust your bubble, Goodluck Jonathan lost the last elections by himself. Well, not all alone, you and all his other allies helped too. Barack Obama had little to do with the corrupt and unresponsive government he ran.
Wizkid: It’s sad to have the Starboy on this list but we had to. The organisers of the MTV EMAs were disrespectful to have stripped the Best African Act award off our Wizkid. We do not appreciate such mistakes and we hope someone really gets to the root of this matter but while we’re investigating, Wizkid can chill on this part of the list.
Hon Abdulmumin Jibrin: From the alleged assassination plot to his self-proclaimed exile to his international anti-corruption award and campaign, we have honestly lost sight of where this game is leading to for the suspended lawmaker. Most Nigerians have lost interest, no action is being taken by the EFCC and the presidency, his enemies are cashing out at the House of Reps, what else defines a loser?
Your pop culture/entertainment go-to. Music head. Wallflower. I do not like to write. On a mission to decipher covfefe.