Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are even just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

 

1 Reno Omokri

Pastor Reno opened the floor by dropping one of his nuggets today.

Teach your daughters to keep their virginity until marriage. Even on products it's written 'do not purchase if seal is broken' #RenosNuggets

— Reno Omokri (@renoomokri) February 15, 2017

Then the storm came in and drowned both him the nugget(s).

this tweet is disgusting. "even on products…" PRODUCTS?!?! Are women packaged goods to you? Stop objectifying our existence!

— Julie Li (@jejulieli) February 15, 2017

Congrats all of you???. "Goods" marketers. Property Owners. ??? Happy Selling and Buying.

— Penguin Kowalski? (@Rozemareigh) February 15, 2017

if you stop telling people how to raise their kids it will help you a lot. Seeing that you have barely raised yours.

— Charles (@jingles1000) February 15, 2017

man just turned society to one big market and made women a commodity.
Fascinating

— Ekpa. (@DochthorJack) February 15, 2017

"Teach your daughters bla bla bla…"
But your sons can roam around freely like animals with no control over their urges. pic.twitter.com/ldVHCl48ag

— Idomagirl (@idomagirl) February 15, 2017

But @JulietKego’s response.

 

2. Madame President.

Remember the controversy that stirred for days over sanitary pads versus toilet tissue? Well, a sanitary pad drive for secondary school students came out of that (even though certain elements on Twitter attempted to muddy it up to).

Going to put together funds to buy girls in public secondary schools& IDP camps sanitary pads for next month. Hit me up if you want to help.

— Slay Queen (Period Partner) (@duchesskk) January 15, 2017

The lady who was inspired to start the drive has an announcement to make.

Tomorrow, we are going to be at Gaskiya High School Ijora giving out free pads. Come if you can❤ #SanitaryAidForNigerianGirls https://t.co/NlRI6ow2bp

— Slay Queen (Period Partner) (@duchesskk) February 15, 2017

Yipee.

 

3 @Chydee

As we celebrate the fulfilment of dreams, with the sanitary pad drive tomorrow, this lady celebrates the life of her son with a thanksgiving event.

I cried. https://t.co/SCQVvswhWc

— Chidi Okereke (@Chydee) February 15, 2017

Moving.

4. This, on the other hand is a striking reminder of the needless lives that were lost in the bloody civil war, aptly titled The Asaba Massacre.

@Chxta were pictures from your father's fence used in this documentary? ?https://t.co/6J6UkMwOSK

— #Yakpotuba (@sunnychuks) February 15, 2017

No words.

 

5 Bukola Saraki

As the Federal government persists in its ‘doublespeak‘ and cover-ups over President Buhari’s health, we continue to watch as members of the political class race to London for photo-ops.

It’s equally amusing and confusing.

Pleased to receive Senate President @bukolasaraki, Speaker @YakubDogara and Senate Leader Ahmed Lawan, tonight. pic.twitter.com/O326aJGZNr

— Muhammadu Buhari (@MBuhari) February 15, 2017

So we’ll just borrow Omojuwa’s words:

The Senate President. The Speaker of the House. The President. All in London at the moment. Can we just make London our Federal Capital?

— JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) February 15, 2017

Abi?

 

6. Our penchant as a people for English names where native names will do is hilarious.

Some Idoma guy named his child "Voice of God".
Why not the Idoma translation "Okel'owoicho"?
Will they be calling the kid "Voice"?

— Idomagirl (@idomagirl) February 15, 2017

At least we know who next year’s winner of The Voice will be.

 

7. Rosaline Meurer

The rumour mill says this was done to spite Tonto Dikeh, but Rosaline says her life savings got her this.

*rings bell*

Hallelu….

Glory. Glory. Glory