by Chase

 The point I want to make is that most men target material success as the answer to getting girls, and it isn’t.

Towards the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009, I decided to focus my energies on a new thing I had to learn and get down: how to be sexy. I wanted to give myself a dangerous, edgy, exciting vibe, that compelled women to want me and desire me and be amenable to moving quickly with me. At the time, I didn’t really know how I was going to go about it, but I set to work on cracking the code of sexiness nonetheless.

Two years later, I bed women faster than ever, get strong initial attraction from most of the women I talk to, and get told all the time that I’m handsome, sexy, and good-looking. When I meet new women, they’re more likely than not willing to do as I command very early on in our interactions, and I can often suck them into an almost trance-like state of interest and desire. This was something I was doing only occasionally in early 2008, but am doing regularly and consistently now.

The process of how I went about revamping myself from a cool, friendly, neutral guy to a dangerous, edgy, sexy man is what I’m going to share with you in this post. So strap yourself in and let’s get you turning on some beautiful girls.

 

How to be a Sexy Man

Once you’ve decided revamping yourself a little bit and dialing up the sex appeal is a good idea and one worth a tad of your time and effort, you need to start targeting those things that impact your sexiness the most. Here they are, in no particular order:

• Fashion. It takes time to develop a good fashion sense, so especially if you’re just starting out, don’t get yourself feeling overwhelmed and instead seek to gradually improve your wardrobe with time. Start by sizing yourself down into smaller, better-fitting clothes, and look for more stylish things to wear. Look too for colors that compliment your skin, hair, and eye colors; generally speaking, people with lighter colored skin look better in duller colors, while people with darker colored skin can get away with more vibrant hues.

• Eye contact and facial expressions. Check out “Elite Eye Contact” and “Wordless Communication” for a primer on getting some of these down. One of the best ways to learn your nonverbals though, in my opinion? Movies. Many top actors have their nonverbal communication down to a science, and you can pick up all kinds of nuanced, finely hewn details by paying attention.

• Smiling and using your mouth. Get sexy smiling down and smile slowly to add sincerity and warmth to your smiles. Purse your lips ever so slightly (note: not pucker, but rather purse), like what Daniel Craig is nearly constantly doing in the latest James Bond films. The pursing of the lips, in conjunction with a small, sexy smile, gives you a sexual edge to just about any facial expression you make – no matter what else you’re doing with your eyes, mouth, brow, etc., if your lips are slightly pursed and you’re wearing a slight hint of a sexy smile, you’ll exude sexual energy.

• Walk. You should be walking like a male model on a catwalk, or a gunslinger from the American West… and you should be walking in a way that leaves some space between your thighs. Strangely, I noticed that one day, after I’d been walking all day in abrasive pants in very hot weather, when my thighs had gotten chafed, as I started walking delicately trying to keep my legs far apart so my thighs wouldn’t touch, I started having women telling me I had a sexy walk. At first I thought they were kidding, but I soon realized they were serious. My only interpretation is, a walk like that looks to women as though you have a large amount of… well, goods… between your legs, which appeals to their subconscious desire to seek out the most masculine man with the biggest set of… ahem… confidence, shall we say.

• Slowness. Sexy men, in many ways, are powerful men, and powerful men move slow. And not just in walking speed – in everything. Spend time slowing down your movements and you will come across as far more self-possessed and sexually appealing.

• Facial hair. This one is going to differ on your face and body type and age. Generally speaking, if you’re under 30 you probably ought to have facial hair; it makes you look older, and women tend to go for men older than them. Older men can consider going sans facial hair as they may wish to look younger. Note though that facial hair gives a man a degree of edginess, when done right, that the boyish cleanshaven man struggles to replicate from looks alone.

• Voice. Voice is huge. It’s one of your primary tools for attraction, and it’s something you ought to spend a healthy chunk of time working on. You’ll again want to turn to movies for inspiration; going after a newscaster’s voice or a radio show or television show personality’s voice (unless that personality plays the role of the sexual, dangerous man) is not going to get you the kind of results that developing the voice of a sexy, powerful man in cinema. When your voice is good enough, women will turn around to see who’s speaking simply at the sound of it, and they’ll melt when they’re in a conversation with you.

• Conversation that’s focused on the woman. Your skill as a conversationalistis important to your sexiness primarily because you will use it to disarm women’s reservations and allow them to feel more comfortable around you. Your conversation should focus primarily on the woman, and you should be both impressive and interesting, but also humble, in your discussions about yourself – and keep them brief, and turn things back to the girl again. The impressiveness intrigues, the humbleness disarms. This is a skill, but you want to drop something intriguing about yourself, disarm it with humbleness to make yourself accessible and attainable, then move on and return the focus to her.

• Easy confidence. Moving women around and having them do as you like is vitally important to coming across as strong and sexual. Get used to demanding investment from women in an inviting, non-confrontational tone of voice. Get used to laughing off women’s emotional swings, and staying stable and calm and relaxed and content whether they’re cold, moody, or excited. You’ll find typically that women will often lose interest fast in men who reflect their emotions back (and get cold, or moody, or excited themselves), and rather get increasingly interested in and excited by men who stay warm and stable and content regardless the emotion the woman shows.

• Recognizing and responding to signals. In “How Women Show Interest” we discussed the real signals women will give a man that they are interested in him. It’s important to work on your ability not just recognizing these signals, but responding to them, sometimes with subtlety, sometimes with bold action. For signals that aren’t strong, “Take action now!” signals, but rather signs of building interest, you’ll simply want to smile a little more broadly and mischievously just to show her you got it. For signals that demand you take action, though, you must take action. Experience is the best teacher, and most guys are either too timid or too bold when they start trying to do this consistently, but err on the side of boldness if you have to choose as you’ll learn your calibration here much more quickly that way.

• Closing things out. Part of the reason that responding to signals is so important to being sexy is that it shows women that you are a man who will not leave them wanting. Remember that women tend to meet many men who don’t pick up on their signals, don’t move things forward aggressively and boldly, and often leave them disappointed and unsatisfied at the end of an otherwise good conversation, meeting, or date. Responding to signals shows women you aren’t going to be like one of those men; actually closing things out with women completes the circle and gives the woman the satisfaction she’s looking for. That means you must be moving to get results as quickly as possible, not leaving women hanging, and trying to get girls alone with you as fast as possible. Women will respect you for it – far more than they respect the slower, more careful men who take fewer risks and get fewer rewards.

There are other things involved, of course, but those are the major factors. If you get these aspects handled, you’ll be an incredibly attractive, sexy man whom women will respond to with warmth and desire and will often take it upon themselves to pursue. Chase framing is another one that helps, but you won’t use it with every girl, and women need varying levels of it – some love it and it’s quite useful with, others it’s too much for and you need to keep it toned down with (typically, the women who view you as much higher in value than themselves).

One of the main things that sexiness does for you is it disarms women in a sexual way. Many men are cold, or aloof, or intimidating, and women stay reserved around them and closed off and these men fail with women (then become frustrated and get even more cold, aloof, or intimidating). Other men recognize the necessity to put women at ease around themselves, but go too far and remove intrigue and challenge, coming off as too nice and too friendly; these guys get women disarmed, but in a nonsexual way, and they get banished to the friend zone.

————————-

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.