by Ron Placone
1. Think about the time you spend with this person. What is the conversation like? Are you usually doing things that interest both of you or is it more one-sided? Look for some warning signs. If the majority of your time with the person involves you hanging around with their friends and never spending time just the two of you, then that person may be using you. If your conversation is empty and hollow, then there’s a chance this person doesn’t enjoy your company at all and is in fact using you.
2. Next, ask yourself what this person could be using you for. Do they have low self-esteem? Are they insecure? In this case, ask the girl about her history. If she has had many relationships that usually do not last long, then there’s a good chance she’s insecure about herself. She feels as if she needs to have a significant other and does not really care who that person is as long as it’s somebody. So, if there’s been an abnormally large amount of former relationships, take that as a huge warning sign.
3. Is money involved? There are many situations where people use other people for money. Are you constantly buying things for this person? Do you always pay when you go out and do things with this person? Does this person respect you, your time and your money, when you do spend time with them? If you find yourself constantly paying for everything, there’s a chance the girl may be using you. In addition, if you are always doing what she wants to do, such as always seeing the movies she want to see, that is also a warning sign you are being used. There should be a happy medium. Today, the rigid gender-roles of more conservative days are no longer the status quo. Any couple, be it man and woman, man and man, woman and woman, etc. should alternate in buying each other dinner and buying gifts. The same theory applies when deciding what you are going to do, you should take turns. If this isn’t occurring, there’s a chance you may be being used.
4. Think about whether or not this person shows a healthy amount of interest in you. Are your phone calls returned in a timely manner? Do they consider you a reasonable priority? Do they show an interest in you and your feelings? If the girl seldom returns your calls and only calls you on her time, there’s a chance she is using you. Also, if she just writes you off whenever you’re not spending money on her, there’s a good chance she’s using you.
5. Think about when she contacts you. Is it because she wants to spend time with you, or is it because she wants something from you. How often does she need a favor?
6. Make a decision. Is she or isn’t she using you? If she is, you need to act. Let her know how you feel, be honest. By talking to the person and hearing their perspective, you may find out you were wrong. Perhaps the person was going through a difficult time and clung to you and took a bit of an advantage without realizing it or meaning to do so. It’s very possible. This step is most important, you should let the person know instead of just ending things with them. Only by doing so will you know without a doubt whether or not you were being used.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.