9 things you should have learned by age 21

by Kendra Koger

Blackberry girl

 To succeed in life, if you can’t rest on the fact that you’re the best at something.  You have to also strive, work hard, and be personable.

Dear Readers,

No one knows it all, and sometimes the things that you do know, you might have to be reminded from time to time.  Now, I don’t want you to think that I see you all as incompetent, or “fell off of the potato truck,” but everyone needs a helpful reminder.  I’m not above self approving and through out my life there are things that I learned  that I still have to remind myself each day.  I also know that the site carries a myriad of readers from high schoolers, college aged, and fly women, so to each, here are a few things to remind yourself as you go through your daily life.  Also, feel free to add in the comment section anything that I might have missed.  Remember, self-improvement is the best improvement.

The world does not stop just because you’re having a bad day

I have to be honest, I’m new to some of the popular reality shows that are out now, so every now and then I try to give them a shot and catch up on what I missed, so bear with me as I recap something you’ve seen last year.  During the first season of “Love and Hip Hop Atlanta,” the rapper Rasheeda was preparing to release a music video for her single “Marry Me.”  Her husband, Kirk, had a set budget and eliminated a few things.  Rasheeda retaliated by being 2 hours late.

It is understandable if you’re having a bad day to take some time for yourself, but you can’t expect for the world to stop spinning just because you do.  There are some occasions that you can take a moment from it, but just by blowing important things off, just because you’re mad/sad/annoyed, doesn’t fly.  Especially if you have something very important to do, because not everyone is patient to wait for you to get out of your funk or get yourself together.

“You are not a unique snowflake”

In my “Tyler Durden” voice.  For those who haven’t seen the movie or read the book Fight Club, I suggest that you put it in your “to watch” and “to read” pile.  One of my favorite lines from the movie and book is:  ”You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.”  As bogus as that comes off, in a way, it is true.  Yes, there is only one “you,” however, if you’re sitting back and thinking:  ”I know I’m going to make it because no one can do it like me,” that’s when you’re sadly mistaken.

Yes, you do have an amazing talent, but you’re not the only one with it.  To succeed in life, if you can’t rest on the fact that you’re the best at something.  You have to also strive, work hard, and be personable.  Yeah, you might be able to do something fantastic, but always remember that there is someone else who can always take your place if need be.

Do not become comfortable in dysfunction

Life is extremely crazy sometimes and sometimes when you’re trying to learn how to roll with the punches, you end up allowing yourself to stay in an unhealthy situation due to laziness.  Now it’s true that you can’t spell “dysfunctional” without “fun,” but too much “fun” can be bad for you.

If you’re in a bad relationship, or poor situation in your life, don’t become comfortable in it.  You definitely deserve better in your life.

Two half people do not make a whole person

As humans we are meant to be social creatures, and wanting to be in a romantic relationship is expected.  However, if you feel as if you are a hurt and broken person, trying to be in a relationship should not be a means for you to feel better about yourself.  It’s even worse when you try to get into a relationship with someone who is just as broken as you are.  Just because you two find each other, doesn’t mean that you should be together.  Make sure that you’re in a better, more whole place first before you enter into a relationship with someone else.

“Scared money don’t make money”

Far be it for me to say that Ray-J doesn’t occasionally make good sense, but when he appeared on “The Breakfast Club,” he said a line that really rang true.  ”Scared money don’t make money.”  When trying to go after your dream job, it can be extremely terrifying, and a lot of times we can talk ourselves out of something.  However, letting your fear consume you only hinders you and your ability to succeed.  You have to want it more than you are afraid of it.  Only then will you be able to succeed.

All criticism isn’t “hate”

Yes, you are amazing, wonderful, and fabulous, but just because someone points out a flaw doesn’t mean that they’re hating on you.  There will be people who will only want to point our your weaknesses so they can feel better about themselves, but just because someone criticizes you (especially if it’s constructive) doesn’t mean that you should dismiss it.  See it as something to help you improve yourself.  Even if they are trying to hate, use it as a means to better yourself.

Sometimes it’s not everyone else

There’s a story of a man who went to a friend’s house, but shortly left after he smelled a foul smell.  He went to another friend’s house, and left for the same offense.  After visiting multiple friends’ homes and deeming them disgusting, he goes to his house, to find that the odor was at his house.  Turns out the source of the odor was something foul that he stepped in and carried into each house.

Remember that when you’re thinking that there’s something wrong with everyone else in the world, that’s the moment you need to check yourself and make sure that you’re not playing a role in the craziness.  Remember what Albert Einstein said:  ”Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  If your personality persists and you keep on losing friends in new relationships, that’s when introspection is needed.

Sometimes closure is a solitary act

It would be nice if life was like the movies, or television shows, where you can get answers to how and why certain things happened, or why people do what they do.  However, life isn’t like that, and obsessing over the fact someone hurt you is doing more harm to you than them.  If you feel like getting answers will help you to heal, then go for it.  However, sometimes you have to get your closure on your own.

Keep your name good in these streets

After finally watching “Love and Hip Hop New York,” I was introduced to Raqi Thunda.   After having issues with Joe Budden, Consequence, and Jen the Pen, when Raqi went back to Hot 97 to be told that her beefs are keeping her from prospering.  No, you will not be be best friends with everyone, but you should be at least on a cordial tip with most, because especially in this day and age, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.


Read this article in Madame Noire



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Comments (5)

  1. Thanks for all these words ☀̤̣̈̇f advice, they are true talk for those who wish †̥ succeed in life.

  2. These r thoughtful tips. Tnx for d info

  3. I got lost with this formative an enticing article, must say, “good life is worth living”.
    I want more of these Miss. May you remain blessed>>>amen!

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