by Kristen Droesch

 

 

 

This is neither the time nor place to try something new or fancy from the Kama Sutra. You are on a mission here. Plus, there’s nothing to hold on to, should the situation call for it.

Prepare yourselves, kids. I’m about to take all the fun and romanticism out of beach sex. But I only do it because I care. There are things you need to know before you take the plunge into naughtiness on the beach. But if you read this article and still want to go for it, rock on. You’re braver than I.

1. Sand. It’s not supportive, it gets everywhere, it scrapes. All in all, just not fun.

2. Little critters. From jelly fish that can sting you to tiny microbes that can get into delicate areas, there are many things to avoid.

3. Salt water. It dries out the skin on the rest of your body, so imagine what it will do to the sensitive skin of your genitals. Plus, it will remove your natural lubrication. No one wants that.

4. Having to wait for nightfall. Unless you’re one of those couples who likes getting caught, this is an act best reserved for nighttime. You know, when it’s way easier to step on broken glass and those sharp little seashells.

5. Issues with condoms. If you’re looking to get knocked up, go for it. If, however, you’d like to have safe sex, avoid water. That sucker can slip right off. (Side note: especially avoid pool sex if you want to use a condom. The chemicals in pools and hot tubs can deteriorate the condom. Not. Fun.).

6. Infections abound. There are things in the water (germs, microbes, the list goes on) and garbage on the beach.  Just too many ways to get sick.

7. Running the risk of getting arrested. As with any public sex act, there’s always the chance that a cop could wander by (or someone could see you and call the police) and the next thing you know, you’re doing the walk of shame through a police station.

8. Your positions are limited. This is neither the time nor place to try something new or fancy from the Kama Sutra. You are on a mission here. Plus, there’s nothing to hold on to, should the situation call for it.

9. You’re on the clock. You don’t have all the time in the world to get it on at the beach. There is a finite amount of time between the tide coming in, people walking by (yes, even at night), and a fiddler crab clawing you on the tush. And in that small window of time, do you think you’ll be able to rock each other’s worlds? Not as successfully as you would if you weren’t covered in sand and fearing getting caught (unless that’s your deal, in which case, no judgment).

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Read more in Your Tango

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.