Adaobi Okwy: 10 text messages that won’t fail to rock your world (Y! Superblogger)

Adaobi-Okwy-Superbloggers

Ever been too scared to check your result by yourself? Opting instead to have your friend text it to you? Now… a text enters your phone… what now?

Now, we’re in the beautiful age of technology and of course, we like everything – fast. Beautiful. Because, just as much as we like things fast, it also means that there are many stuffs like our text messages which we get – fast too. And then, how about those terrible messages we never ever want to get? They still make their way to us and… how long can we pretend we didn’t see them? Or, would we lose our phone (or lie to have lost our phone) each time we get one?

Here’s a list of 10 terrible text messages which I compiled on this… enjoy.

1) Where are you?: Now, this is not a text message that easily scares anyone. But imagine if you’re a teenager sent on an errand by your mother and you wandered into a bar, club or whatever. Okay, you’re not a teenager but a married man and you’re at a strip club. First, you wouldn’t want ANYONE to know you have even heard STRIP+CLUB together ever and certainly never want to be caught in one. What do you text back – as a 9 to 5 worker? I am in the church? Danger is; you might not have been in a church in five years… yeah, deal with that.

2) Now, your boyfriend/girlfriend who traveled to Kafanchan has asked and you claimed to be home at 9pm on Saturday night and not in the home of your side chick/side lover but, you do not know he or she has returned earlier and is coming to surprise you. What happens when you get this text- SURPRISE! I am on my way to your place right now! xoxo!!!    

Ummm….?

3) “Dear Mr/Miss… please do not come in to work tomorrow. Your appointment with us has been terminated. We sincerely wish you all the best in your future endeavours.”

So?

4) Have you ever been broke? Really? Okay, me too (lol). Now, imagine being in that ‘broke’ state and you get this: Dear Mr/Miss… I am Barrister Nneka Bimbo Abdullahi of Danger Zone Chambers, this is to warn you that this text is the last warning we would be giving before we take legal actions against you for non-payment of your rent. Your six months of grace is up. The courts will handle it from here.

5) “Baby, I am mighty scared. The test results are out and I am two weeks pregnant. I am so scared! What have I done? What have we done…? I am too Christian to abort!!!”

6) “Dear Mr/Miss… Your HIV test result is out. Please come in tomorrow…”

7) In an age of ‘fast’, we sometimes get too busy right? Even too busy to know what our account balance says. Now, imagine you usually ask your trusted employee to pay in the money every week which you believed he/she did religiously. Today, you want to pay a big bill and too busy to go to the bank so you confidently write a cheque. An hour later, you get this SMS: “Dear Mr/Miss… You do not have anywhere near the amount you want to withdraw. Please come in and see us for your account details.”

Say what?!!! I am a millionaire….!!!

8) Ever been too scared to check your result by yourself? Opting instead to have your friend text it to you? Now… a text enters your phone… what now?

9) “You idiot, You gave me gonorrhea! I’d get you for this!!!”

…And you didn’t even know you have it!

10) “With a deep sense of grief in my heart, I want you to return home as your ………… has died!!!”

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Adaobi Okwy blogs at www.adaobiokwy.com and tweets from @adaobiokwy.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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