Adebayo Omisore: Much I do about nothing (30 Days, 30 Voices)

The man has to pay the bills in the home including those strictly-for-vanities but he also has to lend her a hand when she has his kid. All these double standards and they say it’s a man’s world. Big ass farce!

I am aware that many of you are Adebayo Omisore virgins. Strap up Therese. This is one ride you are bound to enjoy, I swear.

Before we go any further, let it be known that I’ve been forced to be a part of this charade. I can’t talk about all the things that are important to me: politics and that evil man that is Goodluck. Plus I can’t curse. In this Technicolor world; my face is black, my lower lip pink, my eyes bloodshot red, my teeth browned by years of candy consumption. And I can’t use colorful language.

So what to write about? I do have a reputation to maintain here.

Of course, I’m gonna write about my favourite subject: women. I love women. Who doesn’t?

There is a challenge though: how the heck do you figure women out in a 600-word article? There’s a Nobel Prize just waiting for the man that can do that.

Who understands women? Not me, that’s for sure. Only a woman can love you but tell you it can’t work because you are friends. They wanna be equals, yet they want you to pull out chairs and open doors. The man has to pay the bills in the home including those strictly-for-vanities but he also has to lend her a hand when she has his kid. All these double standards and they say it’s a man’s world. Big ass farce!

Oh, I know a lotta women, especially my female friends, will hand me over for crucifixion. But the truth is they know I’m sincere with this. That’s why a lot of them have no female friends to speak of. The point is, as loving as women are, they are also a backstabbing, conniving, evil specie that God, that very funny man, placed on this earth to spice things up a wee bit. Thanks G!

Like I must have mentioned earlier, I love women, nonetheless. I realize that one of the reasons why we men have been placed on this planet is to help them figure themselves out. Any woman needs help to make a decision? There’s the logical thing to do and then there’s the emotional one. A woman, even with the scale tilted all the way, would choose strictly based on emotions.

That’s what got us here in the first place. God had warned them not to eat of the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden. But the snake came with this idea and she not only fell for it, she dragged her man down too. Punishment was meted out as God deemed appropriate. The woman was to suffer during childbirth. The man was to suffer to feed his family. Like this is not enough to worry about, they expect us to suffer during childbirth too. It’s your fault, she’d say. As if her legs weren’t wrapped tight around you as you pummeled away. Like she wasn’t begging you for more even though all you wanted to do after busting a nut was sleep.

Now, as usual, how to end this and get my message across while managing to get some from the wifey tonight?

Let’s examine the hard facts then. I love women. They are the weaker sex. It is indeed a man’s world. You do you, I do me, and everybody will be fine. That’s why there’s such a thing as role-playing.

Hello women liberals, bite me!

Disclaimer

This article is strictly a work of art and not a reflection of the artiste’s ideology. If anything, after a lot of research, the author finds that the views expressed mirror the thoughts most men only share when they are sufficiently inebriated. All barbs and quips aimed in the author’s direction will be painstakingly examined before further action is taken. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of Thor; that’s Sango to my Ibadan peeps.

——————————-

About the author: My name is Bayo Omisore. I prefer to be called The Bayo Omisore. I am a failed comedian and I channel my funnyman through my writing. I run a company called Jus’ Kiddin’ Entertainment and own a blog that needs a ghostwriter: http://thebayoomisore.blogspot.com

 

Editor’s note: Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.


Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail