Marriages are breaking and divorce is at an all-time high because we have lost the plot. The financial need of the home however important is placed over physical, social, emotional and mental need of the family.

A year ago I relocated my daughter to live and school away from home in the care of hands I trusted and who truly cared about her. Before this, I had stayed off full time jobs for a while to spend more time with my daughter by watching her learn and also teaching her how to learn (one of the things I am passionate about) Indeed, her strengths, what she wants to learn  and is capable of doing showed a great deal from this engagement.

I took the risk, and even got on speedboats on Fridays to beat traffic to catch up with her, till Sunday. One day I came to my senses. Why was I doing this to myself or this little child? At what price? Was it worth it? Will it be worth it? I missed teaching her, helping with homework, correcting her, her random hugs or words like ‘God bless you’ and ‘I love you’. I have had supportive people around me who have participated and helped out a whole lot. When she was a baby, it was easier to leave her in care of trusted hands but now that she can hear, see, think, learn and imitate, the environment needs to be filtered and deliberate. People always have the best intention, whether the best intention is right for the child is another matter. I panic at stories I hear about child maltreatment or abuse from people who should know better.

Marriages are breaking and divorce is at an all-time high because we have lost the plot. The financial need of the home however important is placed over physical, social, emotional and mental need of the family. As much as the money pays the bills, being emotionally & physically absent will set up some issues that may be difficult to resolve with money.

We women need to help ourselves if any change is going to happen. We need to create systems that work, help balance our homes and if we desire, build our careers. The truth is women are capable of leading but maternal instincts and our divine calling to nurture has its place and gives a sense of fulfilment. We must not apologise for obeying our calling but find a way to do all work placed in our hands well. It is time to build daycares & schools that work with office hours, where we can dash in at lunch time and play with our children; where we can sit and hold discussions on how to best help our children, not just another formal gathering to fill up time on what is not working.

When The Corona Women’s Society started their first school, a day nursery in 1955 because they wanted to build a school for their children, ensure they were in good hands and closely monitored, little did they know it would grow to become one of the foremost private schools in Nigeria. The first teachers were unpaid volunteers, the desks; building and other materials were donated. These selfless women had a vision to make their life, their children’s and society better. They didn’t wait for government. Government can work on a larger scale and replicate models that work but we must begin where we are and can, and when our work to help ourselves counts, makes impact and is noticed maybe then we can be trusted to help replicate it on a larger scale. I don’t like to join in discussions that are mere talks without planned action. I am going to do something about this. How about you?

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.