by Solanke Abiola

 And he who was appointed to speak on behalf of the teachers by name Nasire Fagga said ”in so much that the King Jona heareth not our cries, now therefore let us Lock the schools and teach not….

ASUU/FG Faceoff, Who blinks first?

The book of the CHRONICLES
Chapter 1
1.And it came to pass in the twenty-seventh month of the reign of the King Jona that the Land was indeed troubled and the people cried out to the King saying

2.O king, may ye live forever. This day have we milk and honey in the Land and yet we still hunger

3.But the King Jona ignored the people of the Land and continued to drink from the golden Vessels of the palace and did eat of the fattlings of the cows which were in the Palace.

4.And it came to pass that those who teach the students of the Great schools of the Land cried unto the King Jona saying.

5. Help us O ye king, for our schools are desolate and dilapaidated. The roofs did fall and the places wherein we conduct research are empty.

6. There is total darkness upon the Land and we cannot teach the people effectively.

7. And the Leaders of the teachers sent emmisaries unto the King Jona but the King paid no heed to their plea

8. And he instructed the praise singers to blow the harps and beat the drums to celebrate the great things which he doeth for the Land.

9.And it was so on the 5th day of the seventh month of the year that the Leaders of the Teachers of the Great schools said

10. Now therefore hath the King failed to give us straws and he said unto us Give me bricks that I may use to build my empire, how then does he expect us to make the bricks.

11. And he who was appointed to speak on behalf of the teachers by name Nasire Fagga said ”in so much that the King Jona heareth not our cries, now therefore let us Lock the schools and teach not

12.That students may not receive lessons and that the great schools may be paralysed, peradventure, the King will heed our cries.

13.And when this was announced in the Land, the Students of the School made merry and were exceedingly happy for they thought an opportunity was given to them to relax not knowing that the downing of tools would take a long time.

14.And it was so that the teachers of the Lower schools also refused to work saying,”Our schools crieth for help and there ariseth none to save her” And in this wise was the schools shut down.

15.And it was so that one of the Ministers of the Land who was appointed to mediate in the crisis who was of the tribe of the riverine areas by name Nyelson Weki was full of wine and made merry.

16. And he travelled down to the southern part of the Land near the city of the waters to create confusion in the Land where Ruler Amachi reigned.

17.And the people cried saying”see ye this day our Minister who should solve the problems of our schools gallivanting and constituting nuisance over the land”

18.And the people were indeed sorrowful.

CHAPTER 2
1.And it was so that the King Jona called one of the rulers of the land, of the region of the Beneu he who they called Gab Suwsam saying

2.Come to my aid my brother for the teachers saith we will teach not until our wages are paid and our schools built

3.And he said unto the King, May ye live forever, now will I leave my Domain and would come down to the palace right now for no help is too big to render to our Lord the King.

4.And the Ruler Gab Suwsan together with her which was in charge of the money of the Land, Ngo Okon Ihiala called unto the Leaders of the Teachers saying ” O ye worthy servants of the King, we are full of appreciation for ye for that which ye do in our great schools

5. I beseech you therefore by the mercies of the Living God that Ye present your Labour in our schools a living sacrifice, worthy and commendable by the King Jona.

6.For the Land sow not, neither do the grains sell. Silver and Gold have we not in the treasury.

7. And the teachers of the Land were greatly displeased with these sayings and they cried out to the people of the Land saying ”O ye people of the Land,

8. Hear ye this day that which the King Jona saith unto us

9. And it was so that when the sayings were said in the ears of the people that the people were amazed and wondered saying ”O that the Lord of our fathers would have mercy on us and come to our aid.

9.Where does the King Jona get such silver and golds to give to them which make laws for the Land.

10.Or how does the King Jona maintain the ten Fliers which are in his Villa or how does the King get two billion pieces of gold which one of the Ministers of the Land did Journey with?.
11.How then does the King tell us that he hath no silver or gold to pay our teachers.
12, And the people cried unto the King saying, pay ye the teachers for a worker is worthy of his wages.13. And when the King would not hear them, they cried saying ” O ye people of the Land, see ye now that the King Jona shareth not the wealth of the Land for the people of the Land that we will mobilise to get him out of the throne in the next elections.

13. And it was so that when one of them which blew the trumpet of the King whom they call Ruben Abat heard these sayings that he called another Trumpeter, Doyen Okup saying

14. Hear ye what the people say. now therefore let us inform the King so that we may continue to eat of the good of the Land.

15. And the King Jona said unto the trumpeters saying” call me Gab Suwsan, Hajia Ruqa Rufia,the same who was the Minister of the Schools, Emek Wogu of the dept of Labour and productivity, Okon Ihiala of the purse of the Land and the King said unto them

16.Now therefore, these Teachers demand 87 billion pieces of Silver. But know ye that if we give them these silver, then would the Teachers of the lower school and that of the Teaching school and they which teach not say behold the teachers of the Great Schools have been fed by the King,

17.Come now therefore and let us also go to the palace that we may eat and drink and be merry.

18. Now therefore, let us give them 30 billion pieces of Silver and Promise to rebuild the schools with 100 billion pieces of silver that they may leave us in peace.

19. And the King Jona sent the Gab Suwsam to announce the goody to the Leaders of the Teachers and the Teachers cried out and said

20.See ye this day how the King seeketh to blackmail us in the sight of the people of the Land. He seeketh to find fault with us that the people may say ”the King has doeth good unto the teachers and they should open the school”.

21. We pray thee, please tell the king Jona that the sweat ought not to dry on the face of the labourers before they are paid, see ye how he seeketh to remove from our wages.

CHAPTER 3
1. And the teachers called to the elder statesmen that they may appeal to the King to pay them their wages.

2. And the trumpeter of the King, Doyen Okup cried unto the people saying, ”see how the teachers of the great schools seek to suck all the honey of the land that we all may hunger afterward and the people sent the trumpeter back to the King Jona saying ”pay us our wages”.

3. And the King Jona sent for the Minister of the Great schools, Nyelson Weki,but it was reported to the King saying

4. Thy handmaid had gone to see Hon Chinda in the land of the Germans, he who was hit with the tool of the maze a forthnight ago”

5. And the King Jona said what then shall we do to these Teachers that they may resume work?..

6, And a certain of the advisers of the King, Gukla said.

7. O King, may your days be lenghtened upon the days of the land,

8. Why payest thou the Teachers of the Great School seeing that they work not?..I beseech ye my Lord that ye stop their wages and pay them not until they return to the Great Schools to teach the Students.

9. And the King pondered on these sayings

CHAPTER 4
1. And it came to pass afterwards that the King Jona considered the sayings of his servant Doyen Okup which he said unto him concerning the wages of the Teachers of the Great School.

2. And the king Jona said unto the servants which serve in the palace. ‘’Summon for me Ngo Okon Ihiala which keepeth the Treasury’’

3. And it was so that when she came to the palace that she fell before the King’s face and said ‘’ My Lord, it was said unto me that thou callest me. As I received your message, so did I hasten up to come and pay obeisance to your Lordship? Have thou found any fault in me? Has the enemies told thee lies about me?

4. And the King Jona said unto her ‘’Fear not, for I have not given unto you the spirit of fear, but of courage, and of a sound mind. Knowest not that thou are one of my faithful servants? why then should I seek for fault in you?

5. Thou are my beloved servant in whom I am well pleased. I call thee this day seeing that the Teachers of the Great School seek to embarrass my rulership. See ye how they close down the schools and refuse to work?. Shall we continue to pay them their salaries that they may be fed.

6. And Ngo Okon replied and said ‘’ O king, may you Live forever, just say a word that I pay them not their wages and so shall it be. A workman is worthy of his wages and so there is no food for the lazy man.”

7. And the king instructed her saying ‘’ pay them not until you receive a counter-directive from me’’ and in this wise did she do..

8. And it was so that the Teachers of the Great Schools were not paid their wages and their Leader, Nasire Fagga sent word to all the districts and provinces under the Kingdom singing and dancing saying;
O my comrades
See the signal, waving in the sky
King Jona dost hold our wages
Cheer my comrades cheer
Chorus: Hold the Fort
Endure the struggle
Jona will pay us
Wave the answer back to Ngo
By our strength, we win.

Fierce and long the struggle rages
But our help is near
Onward comes our great deliverance
Cheer my comrades cheer

Chorus: Hold the Fort
Endure the struggle
Jona will pay us
Wave the answer back to Ngo
By our strength, we win

9. And it was so that when words got to the Teachers of the Great school that the King Jona refuseth to pay their wages that they said unto the King

10. ‘’What have we to do with thee, ye son of Otuoke?. Ye pay us not our wages so we can hunger and thirst but this day have ye failed because we will refuse to go back to the Schools until thou pay us our wages and thou repair our schools whose roof did leak’’

11. And with these sayings was the King troubled and said, how then can we deal with these Teachers? And there was none to answer him.

CHAPTER 5

1. And it came to pass when the schools were locked for two score and seventeen days that the Leader of the Students, he who they called Yinku Gbabode said unto his members

2. See ye this day how the Teachers refuse to open the schools and have refused to teach us. Now are our maidens heavy with child and our young men did drink wine in the morning and night.

3. Now therefore I pray thee, let us send notes to the Leader of the Teachers, Nasire Fagga and the Ruler of the Land, Jona that we may dialogue with them and know the way forward.

4. And it was so that when the scribe of the Students body did send notes to the King Jona and Nasire Fagga with the signings of Yinku Gbabode. Then King Jona saith unto the young man which brought the notes

5. Go ye now and meet the Ruler Suwsam of the region of the Beneu for he shall discuss with you on those things which have been done.”

6. And it was so after the Student Leaders met with the Gov Suwsaw that they smiled and said ‘’ See ye this day how the Teachers do play with our future, see how they seek to destroy our future, see ye how they expect the King Jona to repair the schools in one night knowing that these kind things goeth not forth instantly but by perseverance and patience.

7. We pray thee our Teachers that they open the Schools forthwith or we shall take actions against them. We have supported them in times past but on this one, seeing that they consulted us not and they didst not carry us along, we shall not support them”

8. And it was so that many of the students reasoned amongst themselves saying ‘’ who does this Young Man Gbabode represent? And many of them answered saying ‘’ He representeth his belly seeing that we have this day rejected him.”

9. And it was so that the Leaders of the Student which school in the city of the rock, Topi Asedipo cried with a loud voice and said ‘’O king Jona, the teachers have not asked for a difficult thing’’

10. They beseech thee that thou grant their simple wish. Repair their schools and pay them their wages.

11. For this and in this wise also did the Leader of the student of the Great school in the ancient city of IB, he who they called Blackberry together with a former Leader of the Progressive students in the city of Love, Fjey did take the Loud Trumpet and the Harp in the ancient city of IB and raise their voices to the King Jona but the heart of the King was hardened that he hearkened not to their cries.

CHAPTER 6

1. And it came to pass in the eleventh day of the Ninth month of the year 2013, that the King Jona said unto Hajia Ruqa Rufai who oversee the affairs of the Grear Schools

2. Thy works have come up to me for a remembrance today. Thou work has been burned with fire, weighed upon the scale and thou hast been found wanting, go ye this day back to the Great schools to teach.

3. And it was so that the King fired the Hajia Ruqa Rufai.

4. And the men who blew the Trumpet in the Land and those who write the happenings in the King’s palace said unto Hajia Ruqa Rufai

5. What have ye done this day, that the King delightest not in thee?. Why is the King’s anger kindled against thee that thy work is taken away from thee?

6. And she answered and said unto them ‘’ Surely,the Lord giveth and he taketh anytime he wouldst. From the School of the Bayeroo in the ancient city of Kona comest I from and there do I return’’.

7. And the students of the Great Schools mocked her saying ‘’ Surely, thou art become a reproach to thy colleagues. Thou didst have the chance to make thy colleagues enjoy their work.

8. Thou didst have the opportunity to make their yoke lighter but thou said to thyself ‘This day have I now eaten and am full, let my soul rejoice in the Palace of the King Jona and thou knowest not that thy work shall be required of you.

9. Go ye therefore back to the School of the Bayeroo and teach thou the Chairs and tables which thou shall find in the classes.” And she was greatly ashamed because of these sayings which they spake unto her.

10. And it was so that the King appointed he one of the Junior Ministers of the Land, the same Nyelsom Weki (who battle the Ruler Amach) to oversee the Work of the Schools in the Land.

11. And it came to pass when these tidings came to the Students that they lamented with a great cry saying ‘’Now therefore are we going to spend more time in our Houses because he who the King has appointed, Weki has no interest in our Education.

12. That which pleaseth him is for him to go to the Region of the Waters and make battle with Ruler Amach, to abuse him and to say unto him ‘’Thou shall not sleep’’ and with these were they sorrowful and they lifted up their voices and wept. They sang saying.

Saviour hear our voice today
Hear our Voice, Hear our Voice
This do our hearts desire
To go back to the Schools

Chorus: Oh, the saviour we pray thee
Deliver us from this Fisherman
Oh, deliverer help us
From this wicked Jona.
And they which speak the dialect of the region of the West didst sing saying
Olugbala gboun mi
Gboun mi, Gboun mi
Eyi li Okan wa fe
Ka pade si lewe

Chorus: Oh, Oluwa jo gba wa
Gba wa lowo arakunrin yi
Oh gbani gbani, gbawa
Lowo oga buburu.

CHAPTER 7

1. And it came to pass in the seventeeth day of the ninth month of the year that the Lord who deputed for the King in the Palace, of the region of the North, Architect Nnamdi Somba called for the Leaders of the Teachers of the Great School and he called them to come to the palace.

2. And it was so that they didst talk in the palace and when they came out, they didst laugh and their faces were lightened and when they which blew the Trumpet asked the Leaders of the Teachers saying how did thy meeting go?

3. And Nasire Fagga answered them smiling saying ” We discussed with the Deputy of the King and we will talk further with our people and report back to thee.”

4. And when these words reached the Students of the Great School, they didst reason among themselves saying ” Now has the Lord looked on our affliction and has remembered us, now it appears as though we will return to our schools soon and their countenances didst change.”

5. And it was so that two (2) weeks passed and there was still no good news that the students gathered themselves together with their Teachers in the city of the Rock, they together with the Leader of their JAF, he who they called Abodun Aremo and they took to the streets saying

6. King Jona, fund ye our schools, Give us that which pertaineth to us, 26.6% we pray thee and with these did they move round the city that the King Jona may hear their cry, but his heart was hardened still that he answered them not as they have requested.

7. And it came to pass according to the time of life that the King Jona paid not the wages of the Teachers for the ninth month of the year for he said ‘They work not, so therefore why should I pay them

8. And the Teachers and workers together with the students of the Great School assembled together in the City of Lasog and conspired together saying

9. Now therefore we know that our King Jona seeketh a second term in office, come now and let us talk to our people that they begin to reject him in the streets, villages, hills, mountains, valley and in the cities.

10. We shall talk to the people saying ”The King Jona seeketh to destroy our schools and he has this day refused to repair our schools, let us tell him this day that as long as we live and we die not, we will select his enemies to take over his throne in the fullness of days.

11. And it was so that when these sayings got to the King Jona, he trembled for exceeding fear came upon him and he said unto his servants, Gukla and Doyen Okup saying ”what shall we do that these conspiracy prosper not, see ye that if I repair the schools, then will the money for our enjoyment be reduced, then shall we drink two bottles of the Royal wine daily instead of the six (6) which we drink,

12. And one of the servants thats served in the palace, Ruben Abat said ”My lord, let us pay the Teachers their wages of two (2) months peradventure, they will reconsider their stance and open the Great Schools again”.

13. And the saying pleased the King Jona and he sent for she which keepeth the Money of the Land, Ngo Okon Ihiala to come before his presence.

14. And it came to pass that after paying the wages of the Teachers for the two months which they refused to teach that the Teachers came together saying

15. We will open not the schools until the King pay us in full the eighty seven(87) billion pieces of silver which we ask for

16. And the King was so displeased and full of fury and said unto his servants ”Se ye this day how the Teachers seeketh to ridicule me, seeing they have refused to open the Great Schools.

17. Now therefore must we deal with them that they may Know that there is only one King in this town. I have endured their arrogance too much, now will I deal with them.

18. And they answered him saying, ”How thinketh thou to deal with them?”

19. And he said unto them, ”What have I the elders of the Land for? summon for me Chief Toni Ananih, Bamanger Tokur, Bode Judge, that they may advise me on how I  may punish the Teachers.

20. And the servants went out before him to call the elders.

( This is a SATIRE about the ASUU STRIKE and the various gladiators in the crisis)

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.