by Demola Rewaju
The ability of a man to stay true to his purpose is a truer pointer to his strength than any other factor. The comfort of a woman is in the knowledge that her man is committed to his purpose above all else (including herself) and is unshakeable by anything – including herself. It is from this strength that she draws, it is on it that she depends.
The greatest tests you will ever face as a complete man is from your woman. She will test you in your moments of strength and in your weakness she will challenge you. She will keep you grounded when you’re feeling fly and if you are a superior man, your response will always be love and a certain hardness of spirit which is really what she wants to see.
A woman wants your commitment but she wants to know that you are more committed to your purpose than to her because your purpose will keep you straight when she can’t. I wrote about why your woman should never be number one in your life in this article.
Samson was strong in body but could not demonstrate higher commitment to purpose than the persistent questioning of his wife, Delilah. She questioned him and pestered him and eventually he gave in – revealing to her the secret of his strength even though he knew full well that she was going to betray him to his enemies. She had already told them what she assumed was his secret three different times as he lied to her, and the fourth time, he told her the truth.
What was wrong with you Samson? How hard was it for you to resist her persistent nagging and go your way? Are a woman’s wiles really strong enough to break a man’s spirit?
A woman wants your commitment but she wants to know that you are more committed to your purpose than to her because your purpose will keep you straight when she can’t. I wrote about why your woman should never be number one in your life in this article.
Barack Obama tells of how Michelle tested him one day when he was a senator and was sponsoring legislation to restrict weapons proliferation in the black market and he had just had a particularly good day with the bill in the senate so he called his wife to share the moment with her. She cut him off and told him she’d found ants in the kitchen and the bathroom upstairs. She wanted him to buy ant traps on his way back that evening and he wasn’t to forget. Barack hung up wondering if Ted Kennedy or John McCain had every bought ant traps on the way home from work.
A woman tests her man’s capacity to remain unperturbed in his truth and purpose. She tests him to feel his freedom and depth of love, to know that he is trustable. Her tests may come in the form of complaining, challenging him, changing her mind, doubting him, distracting him, or even undermining his purpose in a subtle or not so subtle way. A man should appreciate that she does these things to feel his strength, integrity, and openness. Her desire is for his deepest truth and love. As he grows towards success and becomes all he desires to be, so will her testing. All his achievements will not matter if he does not retain the spirit that brought him all the way up and she will constantly keep him in that spirit. Your success doesn’t mean anything to her if you are not free and loving. If you are free and loving, nothing she says can break you and she wants to feel you’re ‘unbreakable’ because that is the man she can rely on.
She may understand that your moment of success is important and that is why she is negating that feeling – because she wants to feel that your strength and happiness are not dependent on her response or your successes but something much deeper.
A weak man will crumble when his woman tests him and she will eventually come round to console him. A weak woman takes pleasure in being the controlling force of a man’s life, tending to his needs and patting his head all along the way, listening to him as he complains about how life is treating him unfairly. You cannot be that man and should not be with that woman. A good woman will love your childlike parts but want your life to be guided by the deeper truth of your purpose. She wouldn’t know why she’s testing you as she is but she will do it all the same and you must prove yourself to her.
Show her that you are unflappable. The kind of man that she can depend on and surrender the tensions in her heart to. You are not only a man in her eyes when you pass the test but the man; the man who can find fun in buying ant traps on the way home and living a balanced life with focus on what matters most. The most loving women are the women who will test you the most. She wants you to be your fullest, most magnificent self. She won’t settle for anything less. Your woman is testing you because she loves you. She wants to feel your truth. She wants to feel your love. And she wants to feel that your truth and love are stronger than the barbs she can throw at you. Then she can trust you.
If your purpose is greatness, you wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Demola Rewaju blogs at DemolaRewajuDaily.com
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
Beautiful talk.