You must have been hit by the “tissue”, “condom” “pad” and just all round menstrual talk that has been flying around Twitter lately. It must have got you wondering: “why all this grossness everywhere?”

Here’s how it happened:

So @GbemmyG  was wondering out loud why sanitary towels are not being distributed free the way condoms are:

If Condoms can be free, sanitary pads should be subsidized too. It's N750 now, how are girls in secondary school coping?

— Big Fish Gee (@GbemmyG) January 15, 2017

Because it is Twitter, and there is an endless supply of dummies over there, these are some of the replies her comment drew:

Can someone, preferably, one in the medical sector, enlighten us on why using tissue paper, and cotton materials, during menses is now bad

— G. C. Ike (@NuclearNadal) January 16, 2017

Coming from u who doesn't know that d no reason condoms r free is to reduce spread of diseases??? U don't know much in real life do u? Read! https://t.co/Lo8rIzZG1J

— Dan arewa (@berbaturvphe) January 16, 2017

Our mothers actually used clothes. Rags. And it smelled. I don't get why you are trying to talk down modern women.

— Queen of Wakanda ?#ShotOnShotsNG (@FunmiJean) January 16, 2017

don't same people wipe after themselves with tissue? Isn't that the same thing?

— G. C. Ike (@NuclearNadal) January 16, 2017

*Whew* Dummies everywhere! So we’ve taken it upon ourselves to do a little reproductive health enlightenment for all dummies out there.

What is menstruation?

When a woman comes of age (i.e when she becomes a female capable of bringing another human being to life), her body starts to experience a hormonal exercise that prepares it monthly to welcome that other human life. These hormonal exercises reach a peak when a mature egg is released into her (fallopian) tube and down to her womb. This process is called ovulation.

This process is called ovulation. You know that period when it’s not quite her time of the month yet but she’s so cranky and irritable? Yeah, that’s what’s happening to her.

Anyway, so the egg travels into her womb where the walls are already thickened with A LOT of blood in preparation of the fertilisation of the egg (i.e pregnancy). Once that fertilisation doesn’t happen, the egg and all the blood in the womb (uterus) are useless. The body has no use for it and so it is expelled. That’s menstruation. And it happens to her every month, in proper terms, every menstrual cycle. Each woman’s cycle is different, so while this happens to some every 28 days, others can go anywhere from 30 to 31. It just varies. So let’s just say monthly for every woman where there are no complications.

Finally, the expulsion of that blood can last anywhere from 2 to 7 days or even more. Again, it varies. But you can be sure that every woman that’s expelling blood does so all day during those 2 to 7 or more days.

So why don’t you see women leaking blood everywhere?

Good question!

It’s because asides the sheer discomfort of it all, a menstruating woman also risks heightened levels of infections, including sexually transmitted infections. This is because the mucus that usually blocks her cervix opens up during menstruation to allow blood to pass out of the body. This makes it possible for bacteria to travel up into your uterus and pelvic cavity.

So now imagine such delicate parts of her anatomy not only expelling blood by the second but also very vulnerable to a wide range of infections. Does she not at least deserve the dignity of the best practices that modernity has brought?

If her female ancestors had to use cow hide or rags; should she also remain subject to those same practices? Dummies? I’m sure you agree that should not be the case. But back to issue at hand.

Imagine if you had a deep gash on your skin and someone asked you to use tissue to continuously mop up the blood till it clots; except that in the woman’s case what you are asking her to do is hold off the flow of blood that won’t clot with tissue for 2 to 7 (or more) days and nights. Doesn’t make sense, does it?

Another problem with her using tissue is that those infections we talked about earlier now have a sure fire medium of travelling up her body because tissue crumbles when wet. Add to this the fact that she has to move around (because she still has not asked for days off work in order to handle her situation) and you have wet tissue moving all over the place; sticking to her clothes and staining them – visibly. Even you do not want that and you are not even the victim here.

Oh! Did you say rags and not tissue?

Before we ask you to solve for the existence of a conscience within your own heart, here are a few facts about using a cloth to contain menstrual blood:

• Menstrual blood smells much more than regular blood so using clothes folded up to contain it is bound to make her smelly
• Prolonged exposure to dampness around the skin (any part of a person’s skin) usually leads to broken skin or rashes.
• Like tissue, there’s no way to ensure that the cloth won’t slip out or stain her outer garments.
• Depending on how heavy her blood flow is, what you are asking her to do is take hourly or bi-hourly breaks to go and change clothes and wash the old stained one. By the way, hope your office bathroom has a plce where she can hang the washed ones?

Do we still need to find your conscience?

Now, the modern world has bestowed the women with sanitary towels and tampons and menstrual cups which conveniently attach to her body/underwear and have been designed to cater to her specific blood containment needs but you still want to be savage. Good luck to you!

Finally, condoms and Sanitary towels: the intersections and divisive lines

Since you require schooling, here’s your term paper.

Imagine if there weren’t all those seminars and outreaches when we were growing up to sensitise us about sexually transmitted diseases and the need to use condoms if we could not abstain. HIV/AIDS was such a huge problem for the world and in Nigeria, still the second highest cause of deaths and the world was bent on reducing it to the barest minimum even if it meant sharing Gold Circles to Secondary School kids. And it has helped. Today, free condoms are still offered at clinics and seminars and in secondary schools and after blood tests. However, you cannot walk into a convenience store and ask for free condoms because you are a dummy. Neither can you ask your health worker for ribbed condoms because you are a dummy that likes to be extra. No, you get the barest minimum for free and at the price of being educated about the importance of using condoms if you won’t abstain or practice other safe sex methods.

Now, here’s a 1993 article that talks about all of the infections a woman is exposed to because she has to have her period monthly! 1993 because that’s how long ago this was an issue. But you are a dummy and you still don’t understand in 2017.

If she does not use the best and most hygienic means of containing her blood flow, she’ll be doubly exposed to those infections and even more, because clothes and tissues have factory-fitted infectious elements (honestly, haven’t you asked yourself why that is not how any type of blood is contained in hospitals?).

But because this is Nigeria:

• and her ancestors used rags around their privates;
• and her male peers still think that all she has to do is wipe her menstrual blood with tissue – you know constantly for 2 to 7 or more days and nights
• and in fact, this natural and very normal and unshameful process is still a topic that embarrasses grown adults into stupified ignorance that they eventually exhibit on Twitter:

No one talks about it the way they talk about condoms. When they do, it’s only to the girls; leaving the boys uninformed forever. Menstruation is seen as an embarrassing and shameful cross that girls have to bear. That’s wrong and it must change. It’s perfectly natural and in fact, the absence of it is a huge problem that is usually so expensive to correct.

So, we are sure what Gbemmy was working on when she posted that tweet was the genius idea that Sanitary pads need to be just as free as condoms are. Not at convenience stores who are set up to make money and not the absolute best and most expensive of them. Free: in airport bathrooms, office bathrooms, clinics et cetera. Because she may need one and it is absolutely necessary that she uses it when she needs it. And such action will drive awareness about the need to use hygienic methods to contain menstrual blood.