Eketi Edima Ette: Hilarious ways Nigerian mothers spin the marriage talk

by Eketi Edima Ette

I swear, my family is something else. ??

One of my scheduled events was cancelled. That meant I could extend my vacation, to my mother’s joy. More time to talk about marriage.

I tell you, a Nigerian mother can talk about marriage in so many ways, without mentioning the word.

“Kokomma, you cannot imagine the joy I get when you children come home and we’re all together as a family.”

“I can’t imagine the joy too, Mama.”

“May that joy fall on you. Shebi that’s what you young people say on Facebook these days?”


“Kokomma, look at all these beautiful fabrics on my box. They’re just waiting for me to give them to you at the right time.”

“Mummy, if you want to dash me cloth, dash me. Don’t keep them till they go out of style. Is it only at my wedding that you can give them to me?”

“Mtscheeew!” she says. “Be running your mouth. Did I mention marriage? Before you’ll say I’m pressuring you. Anyway, you think it’s my time you’re wasting. Continue.”

I’m going out, so I tell my dad.

“Daddy, I’m coming o. I’m going to Udua Nyom Ebe ( I’m Searching for A Husband Market – It’s actually a real market.)

He replies: “When you enter the market, turn left. Good husbands are on the left.”

My sister is shouting for my father from outside.

“Daddy! Daddy oooo!”

“What is it?” Dad says.



She rushes into the living room. “Daddy, you’re now a grandfather. The dog has given birth to three puppies!”

Dad starts to rejoice.

I make the mistake of telling Mum.

She says, “Oh, that’s great! Kokomma, if the dog can do it, so can you. You just have to get married first.”

Savage! ????

Op–ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

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cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail