by Anne Roderique-Jones
Surprise! Nudity may not trigger strong sexual urges every time in your husband. Sometimes, men just want to cuddle with your unclothed body.
Inside Men’s Minds
It’s easy to feel insecure in the buff—especially when there’s that muffin top (where did that come from anyway?) and those pesky stretch marks you inherited with pregnancy. Even being married for a million years may not make you more confident about prancing around naked. But guess what? Your husband isn’t thinking about those stretch marks or those extra pounds. “We’re our own worst enemy regarding our flaws,” says Rachel A. Sussman, author of The Breakup Bible. Read on to understand men’s perception of their wives’ bodies—and what isn’t happening in his head when you undress.
1. “That C-section scar sure is nasty.”
He doesn’t care about any pregnancy “souvenirs.” According to Sussman, men are much less observant of our perceived flaws than we think. In fact, “they wouldn’t notice a C-section scar or stretch marks if we didn’t bring them up.” Her advice? Don’t mention them! Men are turned on by confidence, so flaunt the parts you’re proud of.
2. “I’m too stressed for this now.”
The minute you take off your clothes, your mate is concentrating on one thing: you (and maybe what he wants to do to you). Karen Sherman, PhD, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It and Make It Last, says, “In general, men can think about only one thing at a time, so when you’re naked, he’s not worrying about paying bills or making calls.” Women often complain that men don’t think of them enough, says Dr. Sherman. If you’re concerned about this, get naked! You’ll definitely be on his mind then, though you may want to save your striptease for after he’s finished with those bills.
3. “Let’s get this over with.”
Just because sex doesn’t always last as long as you’d like doesn’t mean your husband is trying to rush though it. But once you disrobe, there may be something unexpected on your man’s mind: baseball. Therapists’ old method of teaching guys to last longer was to have them think about sports, says Darren Wilk, Registered Clinical Counselor and Certified Gottman Couples Therapist. Though the technique is antiquated, it’s not forgotten. “Men are still worried about having it end too quickly,” says Wilk. So if your guy has a game on the brain, it’s only because he wants to prolong the experience of being naked with you.
4. “I must have sex with you now.”
Surprise! Nudity may not trigger strong sexual urges every time in your husband. Sometimes, men just want to cuddle with your unclothed body. Some women assume that whenever their husbands reach for an embrace, they want more, says Sussman. But it’s simply not true. “Physical touch is how people express affection, and it doesn’t always lead to intercourse,” she explains. A sex-free spooning session can be fulfilling for both of you. So go for it!
5. “I hope she puts her clothes on again soon.”
Your partner may not be dying to watch you go through your entire daily routine in the buff, but he does want to see you comfortable in your skin. *Mitch, from Des Moines, IA, says, “My wife is always in such a rush to get her clothes back on. She’ll hop in the bed and throw the covers over her body, and when the sex is over, she puts them right back on. I wouldn’t mind seeing her linger a little longer.” So consider cooking dinner one night in only an apron or seductively walking around naked while he’s watching TV. He’ll enjoy the view.
6. “Turn off the lights.”
More like turn up the lights. According to Dr. Sherman, men are visual creatures. “Not being able to see your body takes away from his pleasure,” she says, adding that seeing all of each other is an important part of the sexual experience—way better than groping in the dark like a couple of teenagers! If you’re not comfortable under bright lights, Dr. Sherman suggests dimming them or lighting a few candles so there’s some visibility. “It’s a great way to add to the mood.”
7. “Somebody needs to hit the gym.”
It’s not only you who worries about those extra pounds. Wilk says that research shows men want as much as women to feel attractive during sex. *Lawrence, from Hoboken, NJ, admits, “My wife’s body has definitely changed in our 10 years of marriage. I notice it, but I’m more concerned about my own beer gut. I’ve actually sucked in my stomach in during sex.” So empathize with his insecurities by telling him how hot he is to you. And work together to feel good about your bodies.
8. “There’s room for only one in this shower.”
OK, so he may not be up for company when he’s already running late for work. But joining him under the water on a night or weekend is guaranteed to get things, um, flowing. “I can’t think of one guy who wouldn’t love for his wife to jump in the shower with him,” says Sussman. “The smaller the shower, the more room for creativity.” Make love right there or use the naked, wet time together as buildup for the bedroom.
9. “I wish things were how they were when we started dating.”
Chances are, when your clothes are off, he’s thinking about this very moment—not years ago when you first got together. That’s not to say your marriage doesn’t need a youthful spark. Wilk says it’s key to continue to court each other, as you did in the early days, throughout your relationship. “Continually telling your spouse that he’s hot and that you can’t wait to get your hands on him is never redundant,” he says.
10. “I wish you were Jennifer Aniston.”
Even the most attractive celebrities can’t compare with how happy and safe he feels with you. Besides, “he doesn’t feel like he could match up to those women in real life,” says Dr. Sherman. And for all he knows, those sexy stars may be nothing like he imagines—especially when the makeup comes off and hair extensions come out. At the end of the day, couples choose each other because they want to be together—and not with anyone else.
Read this article in Woman’s Day
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.