‘If your man is not asking you for sex anymore, it means he’s seeking it elsewhere. He’s not going to accept being in a marriage without sex,’ says ex-prostitute Rebecca Dakin, 37.
‘I’m sure there are women who know that their man has been cheating but are happy because they don’t want to have sex with him anymore.
‘They are probably relieved that he’s not hassling them and just decide to turn a blind eye. Everyone always hates the escorts but you have to remember there are women are probably quite thankful that they’re around.’
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Rebecca Dakin, 37, spent nine years working as an escort after dropping out of university and finding only low-paid jobs. Her first session with a client earned her £1,400. Now she works as a dating coach and sexpert
Valentine’s Day evokes mixed emotions for Rebecca, reminding her of the nine years she worked as an escort and of the men who will cheat on their wives this February 14, many of them with paid companions.
These days, Rebecca works as an author, dating coach and infidelity expert – something she feels she has a unique perspective on.
She says it is her duty to educate both men and women about the reasons married men seek out the company of escorts.
Valentine’s Day was Rebecca’s busiest time, she says – though on one such rendezvous she was shocked when her client called reception for champagne and a change of sheets as his wife was arriving in half an hour
‘About 60 per cent of the men I saw while I was escorting were married or had girlfriends,’ says Rebecca.
‘Men cheat for different reasons. Some may be genuinely lacking intimacy at home but others just get off on the danger element of wondering whether they’ll get caught.’
Valentine’s Day can be a busy time for escorts.
On one occasion, Rebecca spent the afternoon in a Newcastle hotel with a client. When they had finished having sex, he called down to reception asking for champagne and a change of sheets as his wife was arriving half an hour later for a romantic Valentine’s evening with her husband.
Rebecca says she doesn’t know why prostitutes always get the blame. ‘It’s the responsibility of the person in the relationship to be faithful,’ she says
‘I was so angry,’ says Rebecca. ‘I think clients sometimes forgot that my loyalties lie with women.
‘I don’t know why we always get the blame in these situations – it’s the responsibility of the person in the relationship to be faithful.
‘Even if the hottest woman in the world comes on to your boyfriend, he should be strong enough to withstand it and, if he’s not, she’s done you a favour.’
Rebecca remembers another occasion on which she spent the night in London with a married client who had told his wife he was watching a football match in Manchester.
‘In the morning he was he in bed reading the paper, catching up on the football results and memorising who had scored goals and what had happened during the match. Later that day, his wife called and I heard him telling her about the match – even what the weather had been like.’
Despite such experiences, Rebecca enjoyed her work from the moment she began escorting aged 25. After failing at college, struggling through a string of dead end jobs, and without any capital or training behind her, Rebecca decided that this was her only chance of making good money.
The daughter of a navy navigator and a school teacher, Rebecca had an auspicious start in life, attending a convent school in Derbyshire and embarking on a fashion degree.
However, after dropping out of university without finishing her course, Rebecca found herself in a cycle of boring, low paid jobs. By this time, she had already worked as a glamour model and a dancer so, for her, becoming an escort was the next step.
Since she was living at home at the time, Rebecca was honest with her parents about what she was planning to do.
‘My parents had despaired of me,’ she says.
‘I’d always been a rebellious child and at this point they just didn’t know what to do with me. It would have been different if I was 18, but because I was 25 I think they realised I was an adult and they just wanted to let me make my own mistakes.
‘It was not the job my mum would have chosen for me but once she saw I was going to really nice restaurants and hotels and meeting people like bankers and solicitors, I think she became marginally more comfortable with it.’
Rebecca’s mum dropped her at the bus stop the day she went to see her first client, an accountant in Liverpool. While she barely had the money for a bus fare on the way to her date, on the way back Rebecca was £1,400 richer.
‘I remember getting the train back and just counting all these notes,’ she says. ‘After working for as little as £100 a week in my previous job as a travel agent, I couldn’t believe I’d just made so much money.’
Rebecca didn’t look back and within three months of setting up her own business, she had a mortgage and was buying her own flat.
‘The guy in the bank gave me a mortgage straight away when he heard I was an escort,’ she says. ‘He told me they never had any problem with girls in my profession.’
Because she chose always to work for herself rather than for an agency, Rebecca would spend the days looking for new clients, doing admin and organising her own advertising.
‘I’d always been a rebellious child and at this point my parents didn’t know what to do with me’
As she was highly selective about who she would see, Rebecca never spent time with more than 4 men a week and sometimes went for a month without a booking if she didn’t feel comfortable about any of the potential clients who would get in touch.
When she did work, the rewards were great. Specialising in overnight stays, Rebecca frequently found herself whisked abroad, spending time with men in Hong Kong, Dubai, Italy, Paris and Switzerland. She saw some clients regularly and developed close relationships with them.
‘My favourite was a guy in his 70s,’ she says.
‘He was married but his wife didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as him anymore because he snored! He owned a factory and was loaded – he would spend thousands of pounds on jewellery and clothes for me. I liked him because he was a lovely guy though, very respectful with a dry sense of humour. We didn’t even really have sex – it was more about the companionship.’
‘Cheating is not black and white. There are some circumstances where people don’t have any other options’
Although the money was good and Rebecca admits to getting a buzz from dressing up and walking into swanky hotels to meet her clients, eventually she decided enough was enough.
‘I want to have kids and settle down and I didn’t want to be working as an escort while I did that,’ she says. ‘I wanted to prove to myself that I could do something else and was capable of earning money in another way.’
Rebecca says that men cheat for myriad reasons. ‘Some guys are just cheats,’ she says.
‘Some are not confident about communicating with their other half. They think that if they tell her they want more sex, she’ll be upset.
‘Some don’t want to leave, as they love their wife, but they need more intimacy. By seeing an escort, they’re just trying to find a way to stay with the woman they love.’
Although Rebecca does not condone cheating, in some instances she thinks it can be justified.
‘I want to challenge women’s point of view. I want women to read the stories in my book and think – I quite like this guy and understand where he’s coming from.’
One man who has anonymously contributed to Rebecca’s book is living with a wife who suffers from severe manic depression.
He doesn’t want to leave because he would have to take the children and his wife would be broken-hearted, but he still craves intimacy with a woman and has therefore decided to pay escorts for sex and companionship.
‘You can’t help but feel for him,’ Rebecca says.
‘Cheating is not black and white. There are some circumstances where people don’t have any other options. My book will be really valuable insight into how men are thinking.’
It has now been three years since Rebecca worked as an escort and, although she sometimes misses the quick cash, her life has moved on. At the same time as writing her book on infidelity, she is putting together a book of sex tips, working as a media ‘sexpert’ and running a dating coach service, charging men for Skype sessions in which she guides them through the minefields of flirting, dating and relationships using her training as an NLP Master Practitioner.
‘Some women have a problem with me giving this advice because of the job I used to do but I’ve dated around 900 men and my knowledge comes from experience,’ says Rebecca. ‘I know what I’m doing is of value – I just want to help people stay in relationships.’