Before recently stumbling on InvestigaTHOR on Twitter, I have always nursed the idea of being in a relationship since I became single in 2016. But now, I’m not so sure. On one hand, an online apparatus like InvestigaTHOR feels good to be true. On the other, the platform is ostensibly telling us that our partners can’t be trusted.

With a decent followership count of almost 30,000, and a brand tagline ranging from “Saving Relationships” and “Say No To Community Penis,” InvestigaTHOR takes pride in its dazzling, niched service, weaponising the hashtag #IsYourBooYourBoo? into a form of righteous crusade.

Its operation is pretty straight-forward. Enlisted by clients who want to confirm suspicions of cheating on the part of their significant others, InvestigaTHOR starts out by courting these blissfully oblivious individuals on Twitter under a false identity. Phone numbers are then exchanged, leading to chats on WhatsApp.

InvestigaTHOR isn’t gender-specific: men have fallen deeply into the glinting promise of sex, sent masturbation pictures and whatnot and women, like Stephanie here, have been bamboozled with a flight to Abuja, hotel accommodation, and N200,000.

https://t.co/0VjnFWDn0k

— InvestigaTHOR ? (@investigaTHOR) July 3, 2018

There’s a pinned tweet on InvestigaTHOR’s Twitter account that I find sinfully indulging, a bloated thread documenting the investigations that the platform has handled, all ending with a high success rate. But the case I haven’t gotten over is “Samuel the Coitus Master,” which left me in stitches and manages to be potently funny on multiple reads.

Samuel the coitus master! Always led by the spirit. #IsYourBooYourBoo? ? pic.twitter.com/OCTLmrMH1v

— InvestigaTHOR ? (@investigaTHOR) July 4, 2018

I can’t shake the sense that InvestigaTHOR has the potential to splinter relationships and leave a trail of digital decay. But I guess there’s nothing to fear, if you are faithful.