Jennifer Iyare: Awful! Pain couldn’t get any worse than this (30 days, 30 voices)

by Jennifer Iyare


“I was dying! No one knew this except me.”

My walls were hollow, covered with fresh blood. A thumping sound came from my chambers, very faint though, nothing to be compared to the loud beats it made years ago.

Back then, the beat would skip and then continue even louder, that was before the ‘accident’. The accident had wrecked so much. A large part of my walls had been left broken, my life was a total nightmare. Ugly, dark particles had found their way into my chambers, bringing with them a large amount of negative emotions. I was dying! No one knew this except me.

The ‘accident’ was really no accident; at least in the normal sense of the word. It was a natural disaster, a no holds barred catastrophy. I mean, who sees the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, on top of the woman who gave her life and remains the same?

The bible had become real for me, because the bible verse, ”The heart of man is desperately wicked”, had just become “flesh”. Darn!

I was cursed with the memory of it every morning. Each day at work, I put on a plastic smile; at night I lay on my bed, mumbling words of prayer that I didn’t even mean. Of course, I was tired of crying myself to sleep. Love? No, Never, No More.


Jennifer Iyare is an investment banker who hails from Benin. She loves dancing and reading novels. To write her own novel? Maybe, someday.

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

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