The 45th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, just did the single most unlikely thing you’d have ever attributed to him – he just bored the world.
Donald Trump is many things but boring is not among the top 50 things you’d attribute to the gilded world leader.
Yet, there’s a photo making the rounds on social media right now. It shows just how boring Trump’s speech at the 72nd United Nations General Assembly was. So so boring leaders snoozed off.
— Mike Giannoni (@mikegiannoni) September 19, 2017
Okay. Robert Mugabe sleeping through anything isn’t exactly the right parameter to use to figure how boring that thing is. We know this.
Mugabe sleeps by default…..
— Abiodun Idowu 🐦 (@habbeyluti) September 19, 2017
Someone actually said the Zimbabwean leader sleeps by default. Humans are mean.
Still, the fact of Mugabe’s default mode aside, we can attest to the fact that it was a borefest. We can because we listened to all 42 minutes, 18 seconds of it.
Naturally, we were able to figure why this was the case. Here’s the analysis:
For the first few minutes of the speech, Donald Trump reeled off the “achievements” of his administration. You know, everything we have listened to since 2016, before he actually got a chance to achieve them.
“The United States has done very well since election day, last November 8th year… The stock market is at an all time high, a record… unemployment is at its lowest in 16 years and because of our regulatory and other reforms, we have more people working in the United States… companies are moving back… creating jobs…”
If we weren’t already so bored, we’d have listed all the other times Trump has said the same or some iteration of these words (which need fact-checking by the way).
And if Mugabe wasn’t already back in Zimbabwe by the end of all that, Trump made sure of it by spending the next five or more minutes retelling the history of the United Nations… to the United Nations!
“This institution was founded in the aftermath of two world wars to help shape this better future. It was based on the vision that diverse nations could cooperate to protect their sovereignty, preserve their security, and promote their prosperity. It was in the same period, exactly 70 years ago, that the United States developed the Marshall Plan to help restore Europe. Those three beautiful pillars — they’re pillars of peace, sovereignty, security, and prosperity.
The Marshall Plan was built on the noble idea that the whole world is safer when nations are strong, independent, and free. As President Truman said in his message to Congress at that time, “Our support of European recovery is in full accord with our support of the United Nations. The success of the United Nations depends upon the independent strength of its members.”
Okay wake up!
That’s not all. Donald Trump then went on to say the most Trump-like things there ever were in the books:
- America First: actually, here he spiced things up to some boring applause. He challenged all the leaders to also take this route to leading their respective nations.
- We will no longer stick with deals where America gets nothing in return.
- The Iran deal was one of the worst and most one-sided transactions ever entered.
- North Korea will be destroyed: this bit also got a little bit interesting, if only for the fact that he called Kim Jong-Un “Rocket Man” and said “Ghina”.
- “Radical Islamic Terrorism”
- The United Nations is ripping the United States off…
“and I don’t think you’ve heard the last of it”.
Trump has managed to become so Trump, we are now sick of it.
We won’t lie, this was written in between quick naps. And if that doesn’t tell you how boring Trump’s speech was then we implore you to please sit through this: