Aderonke Adebanjo: Stop liking the elusive guy


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…unfortunately for her, while this is going on, her “toasters” move on and when she snaps out of it, like Julia had to, they’re gone and she’s back at square one!

Let me just say, I wanted the guy to marry Julia Roberts in the movie ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. I REALLY, REALLY did! In fact, I think I cried (then again, I usually cry at most Romantic movies/Romantic Comedy). Lol. If you haven’t seen the movie, get outta here! That can’t be possible! And, well, I just spoilt it for you. But then again how could you not have seen the movie??? Chai.

Obviously, one of the reasons why I wanted them to get married is cos, yup, you guessed it, I’m an advocate for people marrying their friends –and your best friend would be even better! But alas, they didn’t get married. Why? Well, in a nutshell, from what I gathered, he wasn’t feeling her like THAT. Plus, they had grown apart. Life happened, etc. What does that mean though? What does it mean for someone not to feel you like THAT? Everyone has their own interpretations but I think it means you’re not their type (physically and/or otherwise), y’all just don’t connect, there’s no spark, and it goes on and on. So what’s a person to do? Move on, right? Yeah, but this has been coming up in conversations a lot lately and I really have to talk about it!

Why is it that the thing you chase doesn’t always chase you back? Guess that wouldn’t make it a chase then, right? LOL. Remember the scene in the movie where Julia Roberts is running after her (CUTE!) best friend and he’s running after Cameron Diaz and the other dude* asks Julia to pause and look at the situation: she’s running after (literally in this scene) her best friend, he’s running after his bride-to-be but no one was running after her (Julia) and it was a very good point. Nobody was “chasing” Julia and unfortunately for her, the guy she really liked (her best friend) didn’t like her like THAT. *sigh* He had essentially moved on – or never really had feelings for her like THAT in the first place.

What am I getting at? Well, there’s a phenomenon I’ve noticed where, for example, a girl spots a dude, she really likes him but he seems oblivious to her existence. They see each other around town at different events or they’ve know each other for a while but he just seems uninterested. She really likes him – or perhaps she’s just intrigued by his nonchalant attitude towards her. Thing is, if and when he eventually pays attention, she might no longer be interested or she’ll realize much later that he isn’t really all that (this is usually the case).  Now, this applies to the guys as well so feel free to swap the roles in the scenario. But before she figures out that she doesn’t really like him, the torture and curiosity can be quite draining. She wishes he would call her, take her out, essentially pay more attention but he doesn’t. What is that? What do we call this phenomenon? Note that during this time when she’s waiting on him to make a move, she has other “toasters” but she doesn’t really pay any attention to them because this other dude is SO intriguing. His elusiveness is exciting and thrilling. And unfortunately for her, while this is going on, her “toasters” move on and when she snaps out of it, like Julia had to, they’re gone and she’s back at square one!

If this is the case with your best friend, acquaintance, co-worker, etc., where you’re attracted to him/her but they’re just not interested or not showing any interest, girl/guy, move on. Don’t wait around for the person cos not only are the chances high that they might never be interested in you like that but chances are when they start to show interest, you might find that they really aren’t all that and you might have let someone else pass you by.

So, even though I REALLY wanted Julia Roberts to marry her best friend in the movie, I think she should have moved on sooner than she did. She put herself through a lot of humiliation. But hey, it’s just a movie, and still remains one of my favourites!

*Julia’s special adviser in the whole mess. You gotta have people like that in your life who will snap you out of lala land!

About the author: Aderonke is a radio and television broadcaster, singer, songwriter, poet, lover of LOVE a.k.a hopeful romantic (LOL), daughter of God. “I enjoy good conversation and a great laugh.”

*You may also like: 5  friends everyone should have.

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